Hey everyone how are we all doing? Good I hope! well this is called reflections for a reason only because sometimes I sit and reflect on my past years and how things have changed themn I sit and think if it is a good change or bad change and whether or not I need to change things.Things are so different from three years ago just before my life and the rest of it got rip out and turned upside down! The boys have definatly changed I mean look at them they have grown like a bunch of weeds. Remick is now sixteen and soon to be a dad oh yeah me a grandma! He has ggotton tall but not by much poor kid is gonna take the short side of the family. He has made a positive step in tryin to right his life which makes me very proud of him we even get along better now more so then we ever did I. I think that is all comming from the impending father hood I think now he is finally realizing why mom is so tough on all the kids not cause I am mean but because I want nothing but good things coming out of there lives and now he is seeing why there has to be rules and structure so maybe now he wont fight it as much. Now we move on to Hunter darling little hunter the poor child who was lost the min he was born not lost by me but by the doctors he was lost in himself cause the docs would not confirm I was right and the poor child could not hear to save his soul. so finally when I did get a doc who was seeing the child could not hear but by then the damage was already done. He is finally hearing after getting the surgery he needed to correct this problem but now he suffers with autism and adhd and I think that was a result of being literally locked up in his own head for three years we are trying to correct this but to no avail cause these damn doctors out hear do not know what they are doin all they want is to put him on meds and be done with him, which is highly wrong! All the poor child wants to do is grow up and be a soldiar this is what he has wanted from birth when he was able to express himself he simple stated he was put on this earth to defend this country and his family now how is he gonna do that when they wont allow people with emotional issues in the armed forces. A shame he will never fulfill his life in this worl unless he finds a different avenue to fulfill his wishes. As smart as the child is I am betting he will figure that out all on his own. The child has so much love in his heart for all he just cannot figure out to express it.But we have come a long way with him and tall oh ya this kid is gonna be so tall I will be using him to reach the high shelves I cannot reach! lol Then we move on to precious little Colton the normal one of the bunch really he is! How handsome he is with his long blonde hair and deep piercing brown eyes and an intelliagence to match all his brothers.He is normal and when it comes to kids I really never had the pleasure of raising a normal one. Now I do and you would think it was easy and it is not spending 16 yrs with children with special needs it gets hard with the normal ones now he is gonna be five and for a child whos dad died three yrs ago it has not stopped him from having a happy childhood he took the death better than me dont get me wrong he knows and if you come up to him he will tell you his dad is dead and up in heaven he will also tell you how he blows his dad hugs and kisses everyday! I love these boys of mine with all my heart and soul and I would do anything for them. I have screwed some things early on in parent hood but I am getting better with age and I have aplogized to the ones it has affected but I have been doin this parent thing on my own for years I mean no excuse but damn I needed some slack cut when there was none so all I ask is just a little. As they all get older and I move up in maturity I hope the boys will understand that all the things I have done was to make there lives a better one to live I hope they have learned love and respect and understanding. I pray that they grow up to be proper young men and loving husbands and fathers and I hope they take the life lessons they learn and improve on it and make this world a better place for there children! I want the boys to know I will always love them no matter what and they will always be my nuber ones and that I am sorry for all the things I have done, that has had an impact on them that was not always happy. thank you for reading this rable and I hope you all have a wonderful life!
