XvSiNvX's blog: "random thoughts..."

turbulent, inky black, rushing past my face, jeering laughter interspersed with derisive whispers and sly contempt...
My world has become so cold... once loving and tender arms, friendly faces, laughter and friendship, now anger, grief, agony and uncaring dismissals from trusted souls...
dreams, once solid, glittering, clear, a myriad of hues and sparkling images.. a diamond, immense and shining and set in a pedestal of stone,
Shattered... now chips and fragments against a perfect black-- a velvet backdrop where each facet winks light lonely, isolated and dimming... by my own folly do I now suffer...
all I have left of near perfection are scattered memories... slivers of a daydream rent and stripped and raped by the unknowing and uncaring.
wonderful memories... a walk on a star-filled night, racing a thunderstorm home...
... a drive on a seeming endless highway, in search of something dropped...
a whispered promise in the dim candle light of a night of passion, a small, shining ring of white gold...
Strolling among red-rock giants, the sun streaming through her hair, shining in her eyes...
a song sung between two, it's meaning pure and unmistakable...
I was wrong about so much... so much I no longer care what she was wrong about...
dark, viscous pain writhes around this hole, this gaping, weeping maw tearing through my chest, eating at my sanity... every waking moment tortuous, unending torment, no colors, the sounds are flat, the light is elusive, no food with taste... nights spent silently screaming into the darkness, enduring the lash of my own stupidity, my own fears, doubts, and all the while the taste of my failure like ash and bile thick on my tongue... barren...
Hope is so small...
So Dim... it seems to fade...
I remember her light.
Glorious, shining light.. pure, free, a warmth never before described... filling every corner of my world in a cascade of love, devotion... of furious vigor and lust for life... innocent and kind, daring..
A spirit the likes of which the world has never seen... at least my world...
Once, she believed I deserved her...
I would sell what's left of my heart and soul to be in that place again...
by her side...
in her arms...
near her light...