I just recently had an epiphany. I held onto so much garbage and baggage that needs to be let go of totally. I was a self loathing person who doubted everyone and everything, no matter if it was good or bad. It jaded me, made me bitter, made me throw love away like trash. In turn this made me hate myself even more.
I hereby release Martin Wanat of my hatred, anger, and rage. I forgive you for all the bad things you said and did to me while we were together. I forgive you and I'll try to forget the pain and suffering I had at your hands.
I release Rashawn Reese of my hatred, anger, and rage. I forgive you for all you did to me, how you acted, and how I was treated by you. I forgive you and I'll try to forget all the pain and suffering I had at your hands.
I release Nicole Bateau, Nikki Vega, and Mike Piper as well. All of you are forgiven for all the bad things you said, did, and how you acted towards me when I finally found happiness. I forgive you and I'll try to forget all the pain and suffering I had at your hands.
I am issuing a formal apology to Nicholas Martinez here and now. I let you pay for the mistakes others have made. I realize now that I had no right to do so. At the time, I had no idea that I was doing that to you and it hurt me so much. It hurt me to watch your tears slide down your cheeks, to hear your voice break, and to know your heart was breaking as well. I have forgiven the people who actually hurt me before I met you and I have fully released them of my anger, rage, frustration, and pain. I want to release you now Nick, from the hatred I had of myself that I unleashed on you. I hated myself, wanted to destroy myself, and couldn't see all the good things you saw in me. I can finally see everything you saw in me, and hopefully will continue to see. I was angry at myself as well as doubting myself, and I thought I was never good enough to be anyone or good at anything. I doubted you as well, and that made me even more angry at myself. Instead of talking to you, I held it all in, making it worse. I unleashed the hate I had for myself on you, yelling, fighting, and bitching. At the time, I thought if I told anyone, they'd be mad at me or that you'd leave me. I realize now that you wouldn't have walked out, we would have just talked about it all. Then you would have made me feel better and we could go on as the loving couple we were. I am so sorry I broke your heart and that I hurt you so very badly.
I'd give anything to make it all up to you, starting at the beginning. I'm still so in love with you, nothing else matters to me. People say I'm dependent, crazy or sick, but I know in my heart I am not. You, Nicholas, are the first and only man I have fallen completely in love with. I hope someday we can be back to the way we were.
