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Alice Sin's blog: "rawr"

created on 10/06/2006  |  http://fubar.com/rawr/b11052

Gone...

I haven't been on this site in over 3 years, because I left when I met the love of my life here.  Well, I'm afraid that the love is gone... but not emotionally.  My husband known as "Mmmark" on here passed away may 15th 2010.

 

I fucking miss you every day... and I will always love you...

 

R.I.P Mark Edward Kidwell  12/19/1974-05/15/2010

getting nervous

I just realized... this is April! I graduate next month... 5 weeks of school left.. and then I see my Mark! That means... *counts on fingers* 45 days until Mark comes to get me, and then.. Oh dear lord, 65 days until I get Married! It's getting down to the wire, my friends... and I'm not sure I know what to do anymore..

Married =]

It is official =] I am getting married!! Not some fubar marriage, either. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket We're so cute together <3

Another fucked up dream.

This one is kinda cool. I was in a harry Potter-esqu world! I had the power to control the wind, as well as telepathy. A friend and I, His name is Richter, went into this old, abandoned underground castle like thing.. I suppose it was more of a ruin. While we were there we found this little rabbits. However, they were not just ordinary rabbits, no... they were made of stone, and had an eye on their back. The eye opened and paralyzed Richter. Hordes of demons tried to attack him... when I got the bright idea to use my telepathy and break them.. literally. At the point of my finger i lunged the demon rabbit in the air and smashed it on the ground, breaking it in half. The other demons took off, leaving Richter a tad scratched up. At this point, we of course left the ruins and tried to find the police. Well it turns out, the police were stone ogres. They didn't believe us that we had been attacked, because he didn't know of any ruins... So at the point of my finger.. i wiggled him up and down quite a few times saying 'believe us, damn it!' Then buddie woke me up =[

Another fucked up dream.

This one is kinda cool. I was in a harry Potter-esqu world! I had the power to control the wind, as well as telepathy. A friend and I, His name is Richter, went into this old, abandoned underground castle like thing.. I suppose it was more of a ruin. While we were there we found this little rabbits. However, they were not just ordinary rabbits, no... they were made of stone, and had an eye on their back. The eye opened and paralyzed Richter. Hordes of demons tried to attack him... when I got the bright idea to use my telepathy and break them.. literally. At the point of my finger i lunged the demon rabbit in the air and smashed it on the ground, breaking it in half. The other demons took off, leaving Richter a tad scratched up. At this point, we of course left the ruins and tried to find the police. Well it turns out, the police were stone ogres. They didn't believe us that we had been attacked, because he didn't know of any ruins... So at the point of my finger.. i wiggled him up and down quite a few times saying 'believe us, damn it!' Then buddie woke me up =[

Weirdest dream ever

Ok..it was Mark, Dave[[from work]] and I at some kind of movie, Broadway thing... Not sure which, because either way it was happening in front of us, and we were occasionally in it, but we were sitting in theater seats. Anywhoo, it was a weird mix between Cinderella and Snow white. It had the 3 step sisters from Cinderella, and the witch from Snow white. Only.. the three sisters were dog puppets. So much shit went on in this dream, it was incredible.. It had to do with a River, a giant balloon, the kind you ride up in the sky in.. don't remember what they're called at the moment.. The balloon was in the river, too... Well, mark and Dave were in the little basket to the balloon in the river, and i was on top of the balloon, holding on to dear life by a fishing line that was attached to the basket. We were all careening down the freaking river when the witch started yelling and screaming and laughing, when all the sudden we wash up in a cave, she enters, laughs, and zaps us back.. and boom! we're back in the freaking river. Only this time we're heading for a carnival o.o It's kinda like we were in the freaking 'it's a small world after all' place, thingy, only it was the Cinderella sisters (dog puppets) and they were singing about how Cinderella was a whore. And then.. there was the witch walking around in circles, and just.. that. At a closer look, the witch had tattoos all over her fingers.. at which point Dave turns to Mark and says something like 'I can hook you up with that shit, tattooed fingers, nails and all' "Fucking hell, what do I need to do?" "Nothing. Now I'm going to take my clothes off and eat breakfast in an improper manner" And then I wake up.. with Dave talking about eating breakfast in an improper manner while taking his clothes off.... interesting.

the beginning -chapter 1

The Beginning Emmeline rolled over displeased as the alarm clock irritant blared blasphemy in her ear. She stared at the clock for a moment, wanting to smash it against the wall for awaking her at 6:45 in the morning. Aggravated, she not only pounded her fist into the sleep button or thrust the annoyance into the nearest wall, but sighed and made a distasteful attempt to get out of bed. Light from behind a blinded window provided just enough site to find a red marker from her nightstand. Facing the wall there the shattered alarm clock lay, she swiftly uncapped the marker and placed a rather large “X” over the eleventh of august on her wall calendar. Only one hundred and seventy nine school days left to go. Scratching her ratty head and rubbing her eyes, young Emmeline somehow, through her dreary haze, managed to find her way to the mirror where she began to inspect herself. Sighing in disappointment she tediously meandered to the chest of drawers in the corner of the room where she picked through everything to find a wrinkled pink shirt and a pair of jeans, among other unmentionables. The pink shirt fit nicely, and had a cute white accent stripe that went across her abdomen, and the jeans fit well, but not as they used to. They seemed to have grown smaller. She began to stare at herself in disbelieve. It had seemed that the summer had not been kind. Emmeline turned sixteen over the summer, which wasn’t of course, the only thing that seemed slightly wrong. She had grown taller, and darker, but not as dark as she would have liked. Emmeline was considerably taller than most, and would be, in today’s stereo-typical standards, be a quote unquote stick. But aside from her personal description, she was noticeably pretty from other points of views. She had long auburn hair that fell to the small of her back, and bright blue eyes, eyes that seemed significantly brighter in certain lights. The tall slender teen stared at her reflection that seemed like hours. Most likely, she would have continued to stare if her fathers voice hadn’t echoed into her eyes. Sighing wearily, she soon descended the stairs out side of her room, neglecting to brush her mop of auburn hair. She waited until her fathers back was turned to move. Once turned she began to make a stealthy attempt for the front door. That plan quickly failed, however, when her father foiled her plans. “Emmeline, dear, aren’t you hungry?” The question had become so dull that she mocked it every time she heard it, moving her mouth to the words. The reply was always the same; “no” today was different, however, for today she would reply ‘Not in the least’ and be on her way. As soon as her left foot was out the door, cold breeze blew through her long hair, tangling it horribly. Today would be the first day of school, and she was absolutely positive it wouldn’t be a good one. There would be seven hours where she would have to sit and quietly endure rules while simultaneously amusing herself in some manner or another. Today would become the beginning of many days, as every day is, a new beginning. This beginning would be rather boring, however. Today, like any other day, would be a routine, but not just any routine. A routine that would last one hundred and eighty days, not including weeks ends, with a distant freedom that would last less than three months. School had officially ruined what would be an otherwise perfect year.
I'm tired of people trying to hit on me... I'm tired of all the people who hover around me, and try to talk to me constantly. I'm not talking about my friends or loved ones, i'm talking about strangers. So lets clear something up... I'm going to tell all of you people something that has fucking hindered me and thats fucking scared me. I was fucking molested when I was 15, and probably about raped if I didn't fucking leave as fast as I fucking did. I have a bit of a phobia about older people I don't know. Its hard for me to get to talk to older people. It's really hard to even fucking break my shell... It took me a while to be able to completly open up to Mark.. and I love him dearly.. but hell.. Just becasue he is a little bit older makes it so fucking hard to open up all the way. Its been over 4 months [[which i know isn't the longest time]] and I still find it hard to open up... But once he gets me going it's the easiest fucking thing. So people... don't think that i'm fucking ignoring you, or I'm rude, or something like that... I'm not one of those snobby teens who hates people... I'm there... but I'm pretty much afraid... what kills me is that... I could be so much better if that one event didn't rule my life... I could be a better person, unhindered by a fear of people... And although I hate it so damn much, I can't seem to get over it... to conquer it.. This isn't a plea for help, this is something to help you, the reader, understand the mind of Jess more... I'm not rude or snobby... I'm afraid... and I'm sorry I am the way I am.

immaturity level...

It.. amazes me that people can be so immature. An old friend of mine, an ex really, and I have been on bad terms lately and I don't know why...Well he seems upset about something, so i try and help.. and he gets all pissy with me. He says he's happy, which is complete and utter bullshit considering he whined two seconds ago about being upset... this kid thinks I'm not over him, which is completely not the case... I'm fucking happy and over him.. and when i tell him that... he replies with "No one cares about yo bitch from fuckland south" Then claims I put him through hell and he fucking hates me. This.. fucking kid calls me immature.. but what he said.. doesn't it seem over the top to anyone? Becasue it sure as hell does to me. Which leads me away from my rant and onto the real subject at hand. Why are people so immature? What leaves people to pick at every little thing, and claim everything is your fault when in all twisted reality.. it isn't? What happens to people to think that they are the fucking king/queen of everything? The immaturity level of the entire fucking planet is plummeting, and something tells me that... we can't stop it. Ignore the people who cause you problems. Don't think don't act.. just.. ignore, right? Is that what we are to do? The world as we know it is falling apart at the seems, and all we can do is stand by and watch.. as the immature people of the world take over and steal what remaining amounts of sanity we have left.
this dream evolved three friends here on Cherry Tap and myself... Mmmark, Smokey hazel ice, and Ezra. Poor Hazel.. you're dead in this one, buddy. Trying to recall this dream is a bit hard.. but i do know the entire dream was in a movie trailer.. Because I'm sitting on the couch and watching it on T.V. o.- The couple in this story..was Ezra and Mmmark. They moved into this house that had been abandoned before them.. the last people who lived there went crazy because of some unnamed person. Well Mmmark and Ezra check out this house, and nothing seems particularly wrong with it.. the only thing about it is a stain on the ceiling in the kitchen. They consider it nothing, and move on upstairs.. up stairs in the study was this.. giant pool of blood... and this place is right above the kitchen. Before they turn around and run back downstairs to get shit to clean it up, Hazel stops them in the doorway... and he is like.. demented. he claims he made such a 'mess'. Mark and Ezra don't exactly now how to take this.. Mark pokes the strange man standing in front of him, and his hand goes right through him. Him and Ezra look at eachother...and this whole thing switches to a ride in the car. Its raining pretty fucking hard and...they hear someone on top of the car. There are scratching noises, among other things like grunting. The next thing that happens.. is a knife goes through the fucking windshield, scaring the shit out of Mark, causing him to steer of the road, when the knife goes through the windshield in another spot... And of course everyone is scared..Mark winds up flipping the car. And there he is.. There is Hazel stading there with a knife going 'hello friends...' with that crazy look... and i fucking wake up.
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