NSME DONE's blog: "Rants"

I will sit with you

In the darkness

I can't take the darkness away

I can't force the light to shine

The reasons for the darkness

Are not important

To me

The one in the dark IS

I will sit

As long as it takes

Just share the moment

Reassure that you are not alone

I will sit with you

Be there for you

However you are

You have sat alone

Before

Swallowed by that darkness

I know

I've sat in that darkness

Before

Alone

Surrounded by those who didn't see

I will sit with you in the dark

Because I see

And I care

Love

That word accept, struck me. Kind of an epiphany.

The people in my life I don't ACCEPT. I EMBRACE. I CHERISH. I TREASURE.

Accepting something, at least in my mind, means it may not be exactly what I want but it will do. Being accepting to a culture or an idea is seeing it and even if it's not what you may see as ideal, you're OK with.

PEOPLE are not to be accepted. Period. Full fucking stop.

Look, we all have flaws. Each and every fucking one of us. Some, like me, have visible and hidden flaws. I make no bones about that. Some, the flaws aren't so visible. These flaws are simply a part of who we are. It isn't the entirety of who we are. Just a part. For some though, the flaws are part of what drives us to be who we are. A badass. Or a monster. Or a compassionate asshole. Or a beauty queen. Or a person who may be in deep emotional pain but takes that extra step to ensure others are not.

Flaws DO NOT equal Imperfection.

I DO NOT ACCEPT YOU. I FUCKING EMBRACE WHO YOU ARE. I GODDAMN TREASURE WHO YOU ARE!

My advice, get out of the idea that you want other people to accept you. They should be hungry for your existence! Yearning to learn who you are. You, as a person deserve so much more than just ACCEPTABLE

Blood family sucks for some of us.

Here's the deal, I am not someone who sometimes deals with a a little depression from time to time. I fucking deal with crippling depression DAILY!  I fight it, I take the medicine.  The medicine helps, but it does not take the thoughts away, just makes it easier to deal with.  I have been like this literally my entire life.  It does not go away, there is no "fixing" it.

If you personally can't accept that or you can't deal with it, do me a HUGE favor please. DO NOT FUCKING TALK TO ME! Do not expect sweet words to magically save me from myself and make things all better. Do not give me false hope that you aren't like everyone else who has claimed to love me. Do not try to get close and "understand" me.  I am FUCKED up.  Always have been, always will be.  This depression (and anxiety and PTSD and a few other things) have as much to do with the chemical imbalance in my brain and the genetic shit storm that I was born with as it does with the shit show that I have been through.  So, please, if you can't understand or deal with that, leave me the fuck alone!

If I hear that term used to describe me one more time, just one more time I am going to.....

Do absolutely nothing but smile!

I have always been this way, and chances will always be!  A little more guarded maybe, but still me!  Perverted, demented with the typical mouth of a Sailor once my guard is down, but a sweet person.  Although I do still cringe when I refer to myself that way!  Just feels weird!  LOL

It's kind of an odd feeling though.  There is that part that hears that and equates the sentiment to being seen as just a friend, but without fail, the reasons that make a woman refer to me as sweet actually make me feel so good inside.  Everything clicks, that core part of me!  So, it doesnt matter if it's said, I will keep being me and thankful that I have that part!