I've become somewhat of a cynic as of late..seems nothing ever really gets better....the shit just keeps piling up on top of all the previous shit until that other shit is no longer visible and all you can see is the new shit piling up day after day after day....but that old shit is still there.... decomposing... decaying... just enough to really stink when some dog digs it up and lays it at your doorstep...a not so faint reminder of the past; some long lost life we all once lived through, whether right or wrong, buried so long it's been long since forgotten....but not really....cause there it is again....why is that? Why did you go and dig THIS up? Was it something that weighed so heavily in your mind it bore a hole through the shit and landed at my feet? No.... turns out it was GUILT that sent you on a treasure hunt for past lives and sins committed during times before the consummation..... that promise of forever... forgotten.... buried under yesterday's and today's and tomorrow's bullshit... but I NEVER forgot THAT...not like you apparently must have! So where do we go from here? Am I to bury these bones like they never had a life? Should I prepare a eulogy for them? Will I be able to forgive and forget the indiscretions and reckless abominations committed against my unflinching will to be the man I promised I would be, even in the face of the most daunting adversity you can imagine? First, let me ask, am I to believe that these seeds are to never be given the water nor the light of day so as to manifest into something that must be chopped down again and again and again? Could these happenings cause me to become that aforementioned dog digging up these bones, once buried, that I must now harbor inside as if they never happened just to drop them at your feet one day after I've become so ornery that I can't stand even a glimpse into what should have, could have, would have been without the strife we have created for ourselves through our own self centered inability to see each other's point of view or even give a fuck for that matter? Do I have to like the person I have become in order to respect your perspective and actually put forth an effort to make a compromise and possibly meet somewhere in the middle whether further on YOUR side of the battle line or not? Sometimes I get lost in my own thoughts..... most of the time I think so deep that it's too dark to see where my thoughts are taking me....... and there's no light at the end of the tunnel...there's only that dog at my feet...he never leaves my side....he's a loyal friend and a great digger!
Forgive? maybe....forget? NEVER! You've taught me well!
I'm done rambling for now...thanks, I needed that!
This is just who I am today.... who knows who I'll be tomorrow!!
