Beautifully Damaged's blog: "Rantings!"

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Thomas,

I write this letter in concern of your daughter, Aradia Moon. Please don't take this the wrong way, however, although she is a straight A student and a very bright child, she has some strange habits that I feel we should address.

Every morning before class, she insists on walking around the classroom with her pencil held in the air. She says she is "drawing down the moon." I told her Art Class is in an hour and to please refrain from then to do any drawing.

And speaking of Art Class, whenever she draws a night sky, she insists on drawing little circles around all the stars and people dancing on the ground. And that brings up dancing, I had to stop her twice for taking off her clothes during a game of Ring Around the Rosey! By the way, what does the term "skyclad" mean?

Aradia has no problem with making friends. I always find her sitting outside during recess with her friends sitting around her in a circle. She likes to share her juice and cookies. It is nice how she wants no one to ever thirst or hunger. However, when I walked over to see what they were doing, she jumped up and told me to stop, pulled out a little plastic knife and started waving it in front of me. I thought this was a bit dangerous, so I took her to the Principal's Office. She explained to the Principal that she was "opening the Circle" to let me in. She also said that her Mommy and Daddy always told her not to play or run with an "athame" in her hand, that she could put someone's eye out. I don't know what an "athame" is, but I am glad that she keeps it at home.

As for stories, your daughter tends to make up some whoppers. Just yesterday while I was talking sternly to Tommy Johnson and shaking my finger at him, he started screaming and ran from the room. When I finally caught him, he told me that Aradia told him and the rest of the class that the last time I shook my finger at someone, they caught the chicken pox. I explained to him that the Sally Jones incident was just a coincidence, and that things like that don't really happen.

One of the strangest things that happened was when I asked the children to bring in Halloween decorations for the classroom. Aradia brought in salt, incense and her family album. I see she has quite a sense of humor.

One of Aradia's worst habits is that she is very argumentative. We were discussing what the Golden Rule was (Do Unto others as you would have them Do Unto You), she firmly disagreed with me and stated it was "Do As you Will, but Harm None" and she will not stop saying "So Mote It Be" after she reads aloud in class. I try correct her on these matters and she got very angry. She pointed her finger at me and mumbled something under her breath.

In closing, Mr. and Mrs. Thomas, I would like to set up a parent/teacher conference with you sometime next week to discuss these matters. I would like to see you sooner, but I have developed an irritating rash that I am quite worried about.

With Deep Concerns,
Mrs. Livingston

P.S. Blessed Be. I understand that this is a greeting or closing from your country that your daughter informs me is polite and correct.

Hard to breathe my eyes full of tears,

Thinking that I had forever,

So many lies, told through the years,

Looking back on never ever.

You could say we'd be together,

But the sad truth is

That I know so much better.

Agony in my soul,

There's a pain in my heart;

 it feels as if, my life's been torn apart.

Ripped to pieces,

shred by shred,

the veil of life remains unsaid,

my eyes can't focus, that much is clear;

I honestly don't know what the fuck I am doing here.

 A million lies inch their way through,

my ears are ringing

and my head is screaming "FUCK YOU"

ya know i keep telling myself that i don't love you anymore, 
i tell myself that i don't need you,
and i tell myself that i will be ok with out you,
but the thing is certain parts aren't so easily convinced,
my head is spinning out of control, on a one way course to hell,
and my heart is in 6 million pieces,
and it feels like the jagged shards
are trying to come through my chest. 
i have kept myself busy but i just can't stop crying,
but i'll keep telling myself that i don't love you anymore.

Tucked between the pages lie,
Your most innermost secrets discovered,
A life of secrets a life of lies,
A life of love, not to me, but to another.

 Tucked between those sacred pages,
I found your notes,
Your secret rages.
Your wishful dreams and high hopes.

Buried deep between the pages,
I found your secrets,
I found your stories in different stages.

I found your thoughts,
I found your dreams,
All left there to rot,
Like silent screams.

Tucked between those pages I found lies,
And I found honesty,
This you can not deny,
Deep inside of the pages written…

I found you..

My pain is his happiness,

I am alone, and depressed

He is happy, and content

I am sad, and in tears

He smiles, and laughs

I feel worthless, and unwanted

He feels confident, and needed

.. ..

My body longs for his touch

He is pressed against her

My ears beg to hear his voice

He can’t stand the sound of mine

My arms are dying to be around him again

He holds her tightly to him

.. ..

My heart is still in his hands

His belongs to someone else

My tears fall freely

He could care less

My life has fallen apart

His has begun anew.

So why is it that in a society, where sex, money and drugs take the lead and we as people can purchase anything.  We purchase our basic necessities, along with loads of other crap that we have no use for.  Some even purchase sex, and try to purchase love.  I believe that in this society that we has people have created,  we have corrupted ourselves, and we have corrupted the sanctity of marriage, the all mighty power of true love, and the promise of a long happy life.  In the pursuit of instant gratification, we have lost morals, and values along the way that cannot ever be recovered, restored, or rebuilt.  Our older generation sits back and wonders where they went wrong in raising their children, and so the vicious cycle begins.

I mentioned before the power of love, and the sanctity of marriage.  What happened to those two commitments?  When you love someone, you know that for sure down deep in your soul, I believe that our society has confused love with sex and vice versa.  Sex is not love, and all those pretty little lies that mom and dad told us growing up about sex only being something that happens when two people are in love is bull shit.  If children at the age of 8 knew what they were doing they could have sex and love would find no place in it.  I mean take a look at hookers and whores, the only thing that that love is the money, their pimp of the next piece of crack that they are going to score.

Marriage is another one of those bull shit beliefs that people try and demonstrate.  The institution of marriage is supposed to be sacred, a holy union if you will.  Then why is it then people have “open marriages” if you can’t settle on ONE person for the rest of your life then why make that kind of commitment?   Why enter in to a union that is supposed to be a union of souls?  The mating of your souls, when you have found your one.  And there is the key word “one” not found your many, or your few, but your one.  Your one that you are to spend the rest of your natural days with and find in the afterlife, so that your souls can mingle and remain together only to be reborn and find each other again in your next life.  I just don’t get or understand why others can’t feel the same way. That when you ask someone to marry you, or you are ask to marry someone else that is your chance. That isn’t your green card to wait for them to go on a business trip or deploy or whatever so that you can go off and screw whoever it is that caught your eye at the club or the bar that night.  Hell there are some stupid people out there that as soon as their military spouse deploys they are ON BASE looking to hook up with anything that will screw them!  How outlandish is that?  I think that it is seriously fucked up!

My other issue right now is the thought of monogamy and how people think that this is some sort of old fashioned hoop la!  Why is it so hard for someone to be faithful?  If you are in a committed relationship then why can you not stay committed?  Why do people have a problem being with only one person at a time..  I mean don’t get me wrong, I am bi and I love a good threesome, however if your partner doesn’t wish that for then you either need not be in a relationship or find someone with like minded values.  I see nothing wrong with bringing a third into the bedroom with you and your partner as long as it is consensual. However going outside of your relationship with out the others knowledge is unacceptable.

 And for those of us that are not in committed relationships why is it that we feel the need to try and replace love with sex?  Being physically intimate with someone is supposed to be not only a physical experience but a spiritual experience as well. Our elders told us the lies about people only having sex or it happening only when two people loved each other because they understood this concept.  But once again we as a society have killed that illusion, with men and women alike wanting to go out and screw the first hot piece of ass that walks by.  Men walking down the street or in the store with their partner whose heads spin a 180 to watch as someone more attractive walks by. And we women aren’t innocent when it comes to that either, we do the same thing, a little bit more discreetly.  Not saying that it is the right thing to do but whatever..  I think that if you are walking with your partner and you see someone that you think is attractive keep your damn eyes in your head!  I don’t think that is too much to ask for.  My issue possibly is the fact that each and every relationship that I have ever had has ended in tragedy.  I am not going to go into all the gory details of it but I have yet to find ONE faithful man out there.  

Maybe I am just tired of looking for that instant self gratification, I mean it is possible that even though I am happy on the outside being single and free and able to do what and who I want, that deep down I want what everyone eventually wants?  I can’t see myself in another relationship because there doesn’t seem to be anyone out there that can be faithful, and honest, and caring and sensitive and real!   Real would be a good thing, but not too good to be true...  I know I am totally contradicting myself, because I know that person isn’t out there…  I mean there is a lot more to my rant, but I think I have whined enough for now lol