DarkMaiden's blog: "Ranting"

I sit here letting the tears wash down over my face because I no longer exist to the one that said he would help me. I sit here in tears because the one that is suppose to be here for me when I have questions or am confused no longer sees me. I sit here in tears because to him I no longer matter and it has begun to turn my heart to stone once more. I sit here in tears because I know that nothing I do will meet his approval, and that no matter how hard I try I am always wrong. I sit here with tears washing over my face because I let myself love him only to have him reject that love and use it against me.

It is so hard to love someone and have them treat you as if you were invisible, to totally ignore you and not even be able to say a kind word to you when you say something to them. To have that person treat you as if you are not important to them in any way, even tho they know that you love them and wish to have just a small piece of there attention even if it is only 5 mins. He says you are important but yet he does not show it and it hurts no matter what you do or what you tell yourself his reason is.

I find myself sitting here in tears more and more often and the only thing I can say is that tears are good to cleanse the soul, but why is it he can bring me to all these tears just by not doing as he says. I must be a terrible person that no one feels I have feelings also and can just be walked on. I know I am not the best person at times that I can be and fr that I am sorry, I know that my depression is no excuse but it does not help. Maybe in time I will learn to control my depression once more but right now I can't and so the tears will continue.

To make a promise means you will keep that promise no matter what. It is not just empty words that mean nothing. Don't make a promise if you know that you have no intentions of keeping it, all that does it hurt the person the promise was made to.Yes you have other comments and this is understood and why promises should not be made, maybe there are too many other comments for you to keep your promises. Who knows but you, but I know this I will no longer sit and wait for empty promises.

When you loose yourself in another only to learn that you do not matter is a hard lesson to learn, it is then that you must learn to never give your heart again. It is then that you loose all hope of ever finding the one person that can teach you what it is like to be truly LOVED. When you loose all faith in who you are and what you are because it has all been taken from you in just one single word, then is when you loose all faith.To loose all faith in who and what you are means you become a NOBODY

You know just because I am not as good as others with making gifts for you does not mean I don't care. I thought I showed you in other ways that I Love You but I guess I was wrong once more or maybe it was not enough I don't know, if I will ever know or understand. I try not to ask things of you because I know you are busy but thought you would be able to spare a few minutes for me, I am sorry I asked for that. I am sorry that I have bothered you by talking to you when you are busy, but I do not always know. I am sorry that I have hurt you with my words tonight but I need to let this out before it completely destroys me and kills me . I am sorry the pain is so much but know of no other way seems all I know how to live in is pain. I will leave you now in peace and pray I don't need to post another.

Some say they understand how you feel but yet they are never there when you need just a kind word or the touch of your hand, it is sad when one feels they must compete for a small bit of attention form there friends or family. This is not generated at everyone I know nor is it generated towards many that know me on this nick. I pray that those that this is meant for read it but with my luck they wont and if that is the case it just shows me that th way I feel is not in vain it is justified I am sorry all will end up reading this but I know of no other way.