Gone's blog: "Random"

As those close to me on this site know, I lost someone really close to me to a war that neither of us really understood. I was just about to turn 19 at the time and he had just turned 22......22. Does that seem like the age of someone that should be gone so soon from this world? I'm well aware that there are a lot of assholes out there that say "He knew what he was signing up for, it was his own fault"....we had to literally fight our way through protestors on the day of his funeral. It was so fucked up. Do you know what it's like to be mourning the loss of someone you love, only to be faced with people spittng venom in your direction? Yelling at you that he was a murderer and that the war needed to be stopped at all costs and that he got what was coming to him. He got what was coming to him.....that's a literally thing that someone yelled at this man's mother. On the day that she was burying her son, her first born, her only boy. My 7 year old sister knew better than to do something like that, but we live in a free country so that's your right. A right, may I remind you, that was given to you BECAUSE of people like Russell. People that aren't afraid of dying. People that only think of the greater good and the people that they are protecting.

He will always be my hero and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about him, especially during this time of the year. He was one of the best people I have ever met and it truly saddens me that people who weren't around back then will never get to meet him. There are so many times that I think "You would have loved Russell" or "He really would have enjoyed this" and it's a harsh reality. It's been 13 years, but it still very much seems like yesterday. 13 years of experiences that I wish we could have had together, of growing into a completely different person.....someone who is actually worthy of what his love and friendship were. You know, they always say you don't know know what you had til it's gone. While I don't necessarily agree with that statement (I very much knew how lucky I was at such a young age), I don't think I fully comprehended how much I did love him and how much I really wanted to be with him. Can you know that at 18? 

The worst part about it all is that he was only two weeks away from coming home. He had been deployed for almost a year, and was only two weeks away from coming back to us. I have all the email exchanges and letters that we wrote to each other during his year deployment. Just two days before his death, we were talking about a dog that his squad had adopted because "It was nice to have someone to be gentle towards amongst all of the anger, death, and distruction". He opened up to me in such a way that again, I didn't appreciate until it was too late. Now, all I can do is look back at those emails and letters and remember a time when things were so much more simple. 

Anyway, that's enough of this shpiel for now. Please remember that this holiday isn't about a three day weekend. It's about the men and women that sacrificed everything for our freedom. 

Peace, love and RAK forever in our hearts.