casey's blog: "random"

Unlovable

Are my lips unkissable?
Are my eyes unlookable?
Is my skin untouchable?
Am I unlovable?

Cynical, jaded, faithless, disappointed, disillusioned, used
If I could take back all my sweat, my tears, my sex, my joy I would
My time, my love, my effort, passion, dedication
In case of mistaken identity I gave these things to you
If I sound angry, bitter, sad, infatuated, it's the truth
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, just a few
Stages of acceptance that it's really over
It's just so complicated and I'm stupid for believing in you

You make me feel like my father never loved me
You make me feel like the act of love is empty
Am I so unlovable?
Is my skin untouchable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you don't like?

I had your back, I held you up, I told you you were good enough
It was never reciprocated, you kept affection and yourself apart
You fed your love to me like crumbs to pigeons in the park
Sometimes I think it satisfied to see me begging like a dog
I was enamoured, you were king, I gave my everything
Because sometimes you showed me just a hint of you within
For just a moment I romanticised the notion
I could take away the torment, I could love you like they never did

You make me feel like my father never loved me (you never loved me)
You make me feel like the act of love is empty (I felt so empty)
Am I so unlovable?
Is my skin untouchable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you don't like?

You make me feel like my mother, she abandoned me (you abandoned me)
You make me feel like the act of love is empty (I felt so empty)
Am I so unlovable?
Is my heart unbreakable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you despise?

Are my lips unkissable?
Are my eyes unlookable?
Is my sex undoable?
Am I unlovable?
Are my words unlistenable?
Are my hands untouchable?
Am I undesirable?
Am I unlovable?

You make me feel like my father never loved me
You make me feel like the act of love is empty
Am I so unlovable?
Is my skin untouchable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you don't like?

You make me feel like my father never loved me (you never loved me)
You make me feel like the act of love is empty (I felt so empty)
Am I so unlovable?
Is my skin untouchable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you don't like?

You make me feel like my mother, she abandoned me (you abandoned me)
You make me feel like the act of love is empty (I felt so empty)
Am I so unlovable?
Is my heart unbreakable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you despise?

You make me feel like my father never loved me (you never loved me)
You make me feel like my mother, she abandoned me (you abandoned me)
You make me feel like my father never loved me (you never loved me)
You make me feel like my mother, she abandoned me (you abandoned me)

its what i feel most of the time.

(BY: darren hayes)

-as my eys start to close the light starts to fade away. -as my breathing slowers the sweet scent of your skin fads away. as my mind starts to stop working my momories of you are no longer around. -as my heart stops beating you begin to cry knowing that you never said goodbye. -as my spirit leaves my body it never leaves this world to protect you. -as you begin to cry I'll be the one holding your head up high and the voice in the back of your head telling you that everything will be ok. -as you start to break down I'll be the one to put you back together from the inside. -as you start to fall I'll be the one stoping you befor you hit the ground. -as you find yourself in a dark place all alone with strangers I'll be the making you fell safe. -as you start to remember all the great times he had its not to make you feel sad and cry its me telling you that im still around and i havent forgotten about you. -as you see your loved one talking to him self when he's alone........ he's not he's talking to me asking why can you see me and he can?... -as you both sleep at night I'll be the one protecting you both. -as you start to get lost I'll be the one giving you signs to put you right back on the right path. -as you sleep dont be scaried when you see me in a dream it's the only place you can see me and i can speak to you. -as you get hurt I'll be the one healing you from the inside. -as you start to think all is lost I'll be the one pushing you forward to get it back. - I'll be the one telling you that its not your time to go. -I'll be the one that stayed in your life holding, loving, protecting, and never forgetting about you.

Why does life have to be so hard? Slowly im breaking down and you've seen what its doing to me or maybe you haven't. I dont know what to do anymore. I know i can talk to you but i dont know if you can hear me. The happy person i once was is being over shadowed by the person that im becoming. Lately i haven't seen a bright side to anything that is happening to me. home no longer feels like a safe and caring place for me. Now its just a place of judgment and avoidance. Life feels so empty and lonely.Yes there are people all alround me but im just a ghost that passes through peoples lifes or a forgotten memories that no one will ever remember. I try to reach out for you but your out of reach, i try to call out your name but the sounds all around me over power my voice. I try to find you but the light of day is going away. So as the darkness closes all around and finally covers me in the cold of night telling me that ill never be found. So ill lay here alone trying to find some kind of noise or some kind of light hopping someone is at least trying to call out my name. Then i just think to myself your stupid they dont even remember your name. As my eyes start to close then the pain starts to fade but befor they close and i lay myself to rest a single tear rolls down my face knowing ill wake from this heaven and be left alone all over again. my final whisper "can someone anyone please find me i dont wanna be here anymore or just tell me that you care".............. no answer (the tear finally falls and hits the ground)