Kat's blog: "Random..."

So where do i begin? My anger is at the boiling point. So yesterday was hell at work. I had to go to trial for the bastards that robbed me over a year ago. No fun...another reset for them cause they won't take the deal. So more pain and the possible fear of one making his bond. So of course, my co-workers are the best, tell me whatever I need just call for they protect our own. So, I spent the afternoon working away and talking to my best friend explaining my worries. Leaving my phone for I didn't have time to talk for I was going from one place to the next with the guys and my bosses knew where I was at all times. When I get back to my office, I see several text messages from several people. One was understandable for she was worried but knew what was up for I told her how my day may be. She knows I will lay low if needed. I did lay low but it was work. The other...well let just say if I told you that I would call you to hang out I would. Don't ever assume a damn thing. And sorry if I don't respond right away but I work in a place where I don't have complete privacy from ears plus everyone of them have this protective complex that was on alert after what happened in court. So excuse me for not calling or texting you. My main concerns are always about my kids and if I think there is some threat to thier safety, I will always handle that first. My kids, family and friends who are family to me will always take place before you. I was honest with you from the get go. You have to remember I am a mother first. I am part of a department that I consider family. My priority will always be my family. There will be days where I don't talk to several people for days and its cause of work or something going on with my family. Don't ever assume anything. Don't put words in my fucking mouth either. I have several things that take first place and I know it is part of the reason why I am single. My family will always be first. My job does make it hard to really go out but guess what...it my job and what makes me happy.

Ok, I'm very pissed off. An asshole at work had to piss me off by saying "You're the one who got the divorce" It took every ounce to not knock him the fuck out. Let me say this. I left a marriage of where I knew I would be dead. I have three children who needed a mother alive, not dead. So piece of shit, it is not your business in the first place. How in the hell can you say that to me when you're ass never been married...better yet you are still a fucking virgin I bet. Don't sit there and think you know why I got the divorce! Sorry everyone...didn't mean to get pissed off but this little Eddie Munster no neck jackass who thinks he is better than everyone crossed the line today and I was willing to knock his ass out and yes the fucker is shorter than me, and I was willing to catch a suspension cause of him. Still pissed and hopefully I can remain calm when I see his ass tomorrow

Gotta a lot of things on my mind, but most of all, the lost of my best friend since childhood. Justin was beautiful in so many ways, but most of all, he was a true friend. My mood? I'm pissed. I'm really tired of the damn drama around here. I came on this site to make friends, not get into petty b.s. Yes, I do mean petty at the moment. Yes, I do visit lounges where I want to hear music. Yes, I used to be members of several. But right now, I am and will not be member of anymore. Sure I will miss the tunes, the peoples, and the chances of meeting new friends. But what I am feeling? Hell people, I just put the ashes of someone I love since childhood away this past Saturday. Yes, I'm grieving. Yes, I'm sick of b.s. Want to get a hold of me, leave a damn message or shoutbox. I will be focusing on my writings more. My children, love them with all my heart, know that their mommy lost someone dear to them for they left me a handmade card to let me know that they love me and they know that Justin is in a better place. So don't take it personal that I left your lounge. Just understand that I have things I need to deal with and come to terms since I lost my best friend. And if many don't read this, then I know the truth.

To lose Justin, well, I don't even know where to begin. Someone I grew up with from childhood. Someone who always made you smile and most of all laugh. Someone who eyes were so beautiful to me as was his soul. So I know you are near by but you will be missed by many. I don't know and will never know why you left the way you did, but I don't ever regret any part of you. I can't be mad at you but I am sorry that I was not there for you. I hope my love is sent to you. Love you always, Kat

Today...where do I begin... I buried one of my brother's best friend who in so many ways was my little brother too. It was hard to sit there and not think about his smile and how much the world is going to miss his energy. Yet, I smiled for I was lucky to know him in my life. Somedays, I know I don't tell the ones who matter to me that I love them or that I care about them. I know they know that I care for them and love them with all my heart. I've been blessed with friends who mean the world to me. Those who stood my me when I was struggling through my grandmother's death and other things of this year. So treasure your memories of those you love and keep them close.

It has got to a point of where I am really frustrated by some stupity. Yes, I was robbed when I went with my sister and her kids to Baskin Robbins. Yes, I was in fear of my neice and nephew's life more than mine. I guess I am really pissed when someone asked if I was scared. Hello, what the fuck do you think? That I was happy someone robbed me and put a gun to my head? No, I am upset that the kids had to go through this. I am upset that I don't get to put the nightmare out of my head. What kind of sick person are you thinking I enjoyed what happened to me? Granted that this person is a co-worker who is niave as shit, but damn, are you that fucking stupid? Sorry, I am venting about a person who doesn't get shit somedays. No one asks to be violated in any manner these days. No one asks to be robbed at gun point. No one asks to be robbed of their sense of security. Of course, my temper flew into a rage when she asked me. I was proud of myself, I didn't go off on her. Instead I just glared for no amount of words could express what I was feeling when the robbery took place. Yes, my concern was the kids. Yes, I shielded my nephew's body with mine for if they were to shoot, I rather get the bullet than him. So yes, I am very thankful no one was hurt. She just sat there and looked at me when I said nothing. I just quietly said "I hope to hell you never have a gun to your head or anyone in your family." Just sat there with her mouth opened and didn't say shit. She still doesn't get it and to be honest, I don't give a damn about her ignorance. I was able to walk out of their with my family alive and that all that matters to me. I hate stupid people.