SexyEyes's blog: "Ramblings"

I am writing my life story with every single today. Am I moving in a positive direction? If not, perhaps I need to make some changes. I can do nothing to change the past except stop repeating in the present. I believe my life is built upon layers of little everyday accomplishments. When I think this way, setting goals and taking small risks becomes nothing more than a daily striving to make my life better. Taking some tiny action each day can be more effective than weeks and months of inactivity followed by a frenzied attempt to make radical changes overnight. It certainly leaves me more serene. When I face a new challenge, I try to take my beginning wherever it may be and start from there. "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Lao-tse

They say time heals all wounds. How much time is the main question. I can only dream of the day I wake up and all the burdens are lifted from my shoulders. Somedays it seems almost unbearable, but I make it somehow. Ever since my ex's passing, I've been going through alot of different emotions. Emotions from guilt, sadness, confusion, hate, regrets, if onlys, and what ifs. Somedays it just gets to be so confusing and overwhelming. As if it's not hard enough to watch someone you love, or even once loved, die once, it's even worse to go through it twice. Especially when you haven't even gotten over the first time. The first time being losing the man I fell in love with and married, to drugs. He was no longer that man I once knew. That man didn't exist anymore. Second time was the losing him for real. I had known my ex for 16 years. Even though he didn't think I loved or cared about him, I did more than he realized. It hurt to watch him suffer and not be able to help him. Almost like watching a person die of some deadly disease. Drugs are a disease. They take over and consume everything in and around that person. I was helpless and so was he. He took a wrong turn and he, nor anyone was able to help him find his way back. I do hope he is finally at peace. I know someday I will be too. Until then I will just have faith and believe God will guide me.

The more I talk to you The more I like you The more I like you The more I want to be with you The more I want to be with you The more I miss you The more I miss you The more I love you The more I love you The more it hurts I don't have you