txceltgrl's blog: "ramblings of an earthly goddess"

I'm nobody's fool but dammit I'll be a fool for you ya toss around sweet words like pennies into a wishing well but they don't flatter me they just ease my descent into hell you tell me that ya miss me like crazy that living for my touch is what keeps ya going that your world is muddy without my beauty to clear the view ya tell me that ya wanna make love to me but ya cant say i love and me I'm nobody's fool but dammit I'll be a fool for you I let you in over & over & over again tellin myself we can be just friends but I look at you & pieces of my eternal soul become inflamed they fly as ashes then fall to ground my heart does just the same I sit here now with the juice of you still moist on my thighs & I wonder why I fell again I can't even bring myself to cry cuz the nearness of you it's still thick on my skin but I know that will wear thin and the tears will flow cuz despite the sweetness that ya toss in the air for me you'll never really care I'm nobody's fool but dammit I'll be a fool for you I have been from the first message we exchanged and some things they just never change. djcb 12/26/08

hold on do you see me standing here? i know there are times when i seem a lil lost its all a part of who i am an i'm still finding my path i've seen too much and lost a lil more so i cant always see whats up or down i just force a smile to hide the frown and hang on i go thru the motions when its too much to bare and pray to any god that'll hear i have a lot to share what's not been stolen yet and even though i've known fear i refuse to be afraid i'm still standing here dont get me wrong my knees are black from the weight i bare but i've got a strong soul and a stronger back bone you can push me go ahead an try but i'll push back and i wont cry i'd rather make love than fight any war but life has been a battle for me and still i hold on i travel far and wide if only in my mind cuz my body's chained by poverty and responsibility and they never seem to let up for very long i take the bitter with the sweet and i know that even with the losses i've incurred i'm still total i'm still complete and progressing naturally and as tough as it may be i continue to hold on and because i can hold tight i know that one day i'll share my heart share my life but only with some one as strong as i someone that has the knack just like me to keep it real and when all else fails and the dawn looks dark i'll have them and they'll have me and we'll clasp hands and just hold on. this is inspired by 1 my life and 2 the song hold on by tom waits

to each person friend or foe I have trek that I must make & you each are but a part some more dear some more intricate but each a part & in the long or short you each have a place in my heart may the next year of my life be brighter if for no other reason than you were reason for me to smile to frown to cuss to stomp my foot to hold a hand or give a hug to make plans to make love ! Serenity, danielle LYRICS "If I Ever Leave This World Alive" If I ever leave this world alive I'll thank for all the things you did in my life If I ever leave this world alive I'll come back down and sit beside your feet tonight Wherever I am you'll always be More than just a memory If I ever leave this world alive If I ever leave this world alive I'll take on all the sadness That I left behind If I ever leave this world alive The madness that you feel will soon subside So in a word don't shed a tear I'll be here when it all gets weird If I ever leave this world alive So when in doubt just call my name Just before you go insane If I ever leave this world Hey I may never leave this world But if I ever leave this world alive She says I'm okay; I'm alright, Though you have gone from my life You said that it would, Now everything should be all right She says I'm okay; I'm alright, Though you have gone from my life You said that it would, Now everything should be all right Yeah should be alright

for the love of my life that I don’t know yet! I know you walk the earth you are as free as i and when its right all in good time we'll make our way to each others side so until then be free my love gather all the wind ya need to rise into the heavens on the wind of life that will carry you to me and me to thee for as i live my life on my own terms i know you will to and when we meet at last my love it'll be from then until eternity and i'll accept you you'll accept me and all the things we each encompass will be the gifts we bare long with our hearts so godspeed my love but most of all remain free know that i will love you until the end because my love you are also my dearest friend serenity, danielle

let it pour down down down all over, in & thru me washing clean my body, my heart, my mind, my soul, ME the thought sounds so sweet but unlike the rain i hear bubbling in the street a love like that is but a mere dream but man what a dream let it pour down, down, down all over , in & thru me washing clean my body, my heart, my mind, my soul, ME it's a feeling in the air kinda like a buzz in my ear our eyes met & something just clicked somewhere it all became clear but what it is i myself am still unaware it feels real good though in this moment so what may come and what has been man, look me in the eye i just don't care i live in the present this gift that's been bestowed on you and on me this was but a seed planted in the past only blooming as we do thru the strength of our shear will though fertile plain or rocky crest in this moment alone i believe i know the direction that is best & like a compass facing north i see you so let it pour down, down, down all over, in & thru me washing clean my body, my heart, my mind, my soul, ME in this moment in this thing i believe! djcb 11/11/08 Lyrics: Tonight the lamplight swirls and glistens Melting itself upon my face I'm hanging my silhouette near the shoreline I'm swimming underneath in the noontime Will I ever know what's wrong with me Will I ever see your hand again in mine Tonight the rain is pelting rooftops There is no fire to melt the cold I'm straining to hear a human whisper And I'm painting images on the soft stone Now I'm drinking alone Amidst these figures of stone I'll raise the glass once again Then lay my head on the pillow.

THIS IS NOT ALL THERE IS TO ME Current mood: enlightened Category: Writing and Poetry I AM A TETHERED SPIRIT BRISKLY FIGHTING TO BE FREE CONCEIVED IN LIES, DESPAIR & WHISKEY SHACKLED TO A PAST STEEPED IN STRANGE FRUIT & MISERY A BASTARD CHILD FOR FREE WILL, OF LIBERTY I GREW UP BELIEVING LIFE HAD MEANING WHICH MY MOTHER & THE GHOSTS OF MOTHER'S PAST CONSTANTLY TRIED TO CHOKE OUT OF ME REPEATEDLY TRIED TO CHOKE OUT OF ME THE BEST THAT I SHOULD HOPE TO ACHIEVE WAS SOME "GOOD" MAN WANTING ME WANTING TO FUCK ME SO BADLY THAT HE'D ACTUALLY WANNA TAKE CARE OF ME I'M TETHERED SPIRIT BRISKLY FIGHTING TO BE FREE CONCEIVED IN LIES, DESPAIR, & WHISKEY SHACKLED TO A PAST STEEPED IN STRANGE FRUIT & MISERY I KNOW YOU SEE ME A ANOTHER PALER BEING WHAT'S THE PHRASE REDKNECKS TOSS AROUND SO CASUALLY? FREE, WHITE & OVER 21 BUT THAT'S THE LIE MY MAMA'S MAMA'S MAMA TIMES 3 & SOCIETY USE TO CRUCIFY ME I AM EVERY STEREOTYPE A MODERN WOMAN SHOULD HATE TO BE DIVORCED, WELFARE MOTHER STRUGGLING FROM PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK NOT KNOWING HOW SHE'LL MAKE LOOSE ENDS MEET BOWING & SCRAPING FOR A TINY BIT OF FREEDOME & A DASH OF DIGNITY BUT THIS IS NOT ALL OF ME MY BODY MAYBE BOUND TO SINS OF MOTHERS' PAST MY SPIRIT TETHERED BRISKLY FIGHTING TO BE FREE CONCEIVED IN LIES, DESPAIR & WHISKEY SHACKLED TO A PAST STEEPED IN STRANGE FRUIT & MISERY A BASTARD CHILD OF FREE WILL, OF LIBERTY BUT DO YOU SEE ME? DO YOU HEAR ME? BUT, THIS IS NOT ALL THERE IS TO ME I HAVE SET LOOSE THE GHOSTS THAT ONCE HAUNTED ME THERE ARE NO LIES BETWEEN ME & MY PROGENY IF I DIE TETHERED I KNOW THEY WILL BE FREE I HAVE FAITH IN DIVINITY I HAVE HOPE IN ME EVERYDAY I MOVE AHEAD IN BABY STEPS, I KNOW I SEE DAMN THE PAST I HAVE THE PRESENT I HAVE A FUTURE IN WHICH I BELIEVE EVERYDAY I FEEL THE SHACKLES LOOSENING SO I MAYBE A SPIRIT TETHERED BRISKLY FIGHTING TO BE FREE CONCEIVED IN LIES, DESPAIR & WHISKEY SHACKLED TO A PAST STEEPED IN STRANGE FRUIT & MISERY A BASTARD CHILD OF FREE WILL. OF LIBERTY BUT DO YOU SEE ME? DO YOU HEAR ME? BUT THIS IS NOT ALL THERE IS TO ME! 11/29/08 DJCB

our 1st kiss what will it be like our 1st kiss soft & sweet like a caramel dream firm & deep like like stuff i dunno... like a celluloid dream conjured up in some film major's mind with hard dick dreams of hollywood & the big screen all i know is it will be cuz i got single mid 30's wet pussy fantasies locking lips with you tasting tongues swapping spit hands roaming fingers groping ummmm...so sweet i already know you'll have the flavor of beer & cigarettes, maybe a touch of weed but thats ok by me take the flavor...preconceived mixed with who you are...truly for the taste of you i'm already starving waiting for our 1st kiss it's like smelling dinner cooking all day long with no snack to tide me thru i'm craving our 1st kiss & you craving starving desiring wanting i want to partake of you start with your lips & our 1st kiss moving over in & thru you nibbling licking sucking touching consuming just enough of you to quench the thirst the hunger that is consuming me with every thought of you consume consume consume damn i just wanna kiss i just wanna kiss you 12/7/08 djcb

reach out to me do you see me standing here the icy wind blowing thru my hair blowing here, blowing there blowing broken promises & memories everywhere do you care? do you see these tears falling from my eyes dropping here, dropping there making salty pools of grief & despair DO you care? i'm tethered to a broken rope falling aimlessly thru time you were the hands that held it in place but i've tumbled so far i cant recall your face did i ever know it in the 1st place? the heart that once bid me fly has withered in my chest turned black from love denied once upon a time i pinned all my hopes on just your sigh & stupid me i never ever thought you'd make me cry the life i created with my constant sacrifice was all a lie do you see me standing here icy wind blowing thru my hair blowing here, blowing there blowing broken promises & memories everywhere do YOU care? do you see these tears falling from my eyes dropping here, dropping there making salty pools of grief & despair do you CARE? i wont deny the way you make me feel but i dont know you you're a stranger still all the things i see in you i thought i saw before your smile so new to me is like knocking on the past's door & every time i meet your gaze i feel the pull back into love's maze dont you see it plainly on my face?? reach out to me i've grown bored with playing chase arent you tired of the games? do you see me standing here icy wind blowing thru my hair blowing here, blowing there blowing broken promises & memories everywhere DO YOU care? do you see these tears falling from my eyes dropping here, dropping there making salty pools of grief & despair DO YOU CARE? second chances rarely come but this is what we have a second chance at love unleashed love unconditional perfect peace but just like me you have to reach reach out to me! 12/1/08 djcb

something random tangled limbs drenched in bliss & sweat lay motionless across the bed the moon casts a peace-filled glow & thru the open window wafts in the scent of day old trash & roses where it mingles with the salty sweet aroma of their sex somewhere down the way an angry cat screams as a dog sends it scurryng up a tree & in the corner of the moonlit room he sits smiling crying dying from the picture that they make as they lay together in the bed he made with her he swears he can taste the fragrance that they've made on his lips on his tongue but most of all he hears their love their lies..... his fears over & over again but as lovely as their image is it inflames him enrages him destroys him way down deep these two are now his enemies no longer his lover no longer his friend he no longer has the strength to quench his anger or quell his grief he just simply wants it all to end he walks out the same door he walked in climbs back into his car & starts the engine takes the road map in his hands & wonders where to go how far is far enough to begin again leave behind the devastation that at this moment is tearing at him how far is far enough to begin..... again? I wrote this in 2004, but revisited & re-edited this year. It's written from the masculine cuz that's how I did it originally...to blunt my own pain! 1/28/04 djcb