jerry's blog: "Lost Serenity"

First of all I would like to thank all my friends and family for continuing to show me love although I have not been on here in the capacity I would have liked over the past few days.However,I still don't understand why someone would just send drinks and not write anything in reply.I don't quite understand the purpose of it all.Is it the fact that there are a lot of guys hitting on you all,being that over 90% of my friends and family here are women? I guess there may be a lot of dogs on here but I would ask not to be lumped into that category.I do understand that after some of you read this you might say"up yours dude,who do you think you are?"Well, I am a person searching and reasoning to the purpose of it all.I write to everyone who sends me drinks and all they do is send more drinks.I hope that you all are not thinking I am trying to pick you up.I am not going to say that there are a couple of you I would really like to get to know.However,I am a realist and know that I don't stack up to most of the guys that may really interest you anyway.Visual perception is one thing in which I am guilty of myself.Internal perception is something of a different reality.I really feel I don't fit here.As I said before I feel I don't fit anywhere.Just very adaptable.Comes from growing up street I guess.To tell you the truth I am in no position to even take on that direction of actually trying to strike something up on a more personal level due to the fact that I am very damaged right now inside myself.My confidence is at an all time low as well as my self esteem is affected too.Having a shy complex doesn't help either.I hope in time I can gain it back because I hate being alone.It's my prison for right now until I get bailed out or to the point that I don't care anymore and except my sentence in this life.I still have a little fight left so I will see what happens.So for right now I will continue to PLAY THE GAME until I get bored with it.In the mean time,love on me and I will love you back.