My husband is back in the states. I am back here in Illinois, patiently waiting his return to me. He is back at Ft. Lewis waiting to be released. He has PTSD. Its so hard on me, because I'm not a patient person, but I am forcing myself to be not only patient but caring. I've opened the door for him to come talk to me about things bothering him, when he's ready. But, he has become so distant and detached that it hurts me more than anything in the world. For months while he was deployed to Iraq, I became superwoman. Now that he is back and he's facing this obstacle, it has become my obstacle too. I have now realized that I'm not superwoman. And although, I didn't go off to war and didn't see the things he did or develop PTSD, it still effects me. I am trying so hard to be strong, but I find myself worrying about him constantly, and in the back of my mind there is always the questions, is he being faithful? And does he still love me? I don't hear from him much, and I know its because he is dealing with a lot right now, but at the same time, I do not understand and probably will never understand. I have searched all over the internet to find something, anything to ease these fears of mine. It never finds anything. I can't get anyone to talk to me about it and I can't get anyone to tell me what I need to hear most... my husband did this to me too. So, until then, I will continue being patient. I will continue to educate myself. And I'll continue being hurt and I'll cry every night to put me to sleep. :(
Zaphara
