Bubby's blog: "Poetry"

Desperate Feeling hurt and lost Wanting help at any cost Reaching out without care Wanting your hand, mine is in the air I feel lonely and heartless at night Do you feel me in your sight? In my dreams your always there Is this crazy or am I in despair? My love for you is wanting to show My heart is yours let it grow I just need your help and thoughtfulness I just want your time and gentle kindness Today is now I can't wait no more Call out to me so I can see what's in store!

Letter To My Daughter! (written 3/12/04) Dear Emilee, This very difficult for me to write you, but there is some things you really should know. You came into my life when you were just 5 months old. You came to us because where you were living with your biological mother who was being sexually harassed by her stepfather. Emilee, I never wanted you hurt, so we drove 4 hours to wrap you up in blankets and come live with us. Emilee, you and I made a connection that day! Your sparkling brown eyes melted my heart! I swore from that day forward, I would try and be the best father figure I could be for you. Since I am growing older, and have no kids of my own. I think God planned it that way, so I could give you all the love and special protection that you needed that only a daughter can get from a true father. Well Emilee, it seemed like over night, Da Da Da Da you would run around the house calling out my name! Everytime I show up at your Aunt Suzie's to pick you up, no matter if your in a dead sleep, you wake up and watch for the door, waiting for me to show up! Now you follow me around and we have so much fun! Most men want a son, but to me your heaven sent from up above! Now Emilee, I may face the fact of losing you because you're biological mom wants you back! I don't want you to go, because I don't think she really knows how much you're loved right here with us. Emilee always know that no matter what happens baby! Da Da loves you! As long as I am breathing, I am here for you! Whatever I have and you need darling child, it's yours. Always promise me to never ever try hurting others, don't lie, or cheat! Be honest and patient. Create your own destiny! Emilee always know this, you can always call me daddy, because to me you'll always be my daughter! I love you so much! I already miss you and you're not even gone. So if you remember back to these last few days and think I was being too loving and caring! I just wanted to thank you for all the memories and sharing! I love you and am so proud of you darling girl with fiery red hair!

Pitiful Me What do you see When you look at me? I try to be big and strong But I can I see in your eyes I'm wrong I try to be a support angel I try to look at all angles Why does it seem like I fail? Why do you put me in your jail? I feel so lost and helpless I am so pitiful and useless I wish someone could guide me I wish someone could let this loser fly free If I could take back things I said If I could remember all the advise I read If I could just lay down by myself Put all my burdens on a shelf I use to be full of energy and luck Now I'm tired and a complete shmuck I wish I could sleep and never dream I wish problems were'nt as big as they seam! I wish I could go home and sleep I wish I could smile and not weep I wish I had you near I wish you could fill me up with cheer! I'm tired of dreaming of better things I'm tired of hearing sweet nothings I wish our love was built on trust I wish seeing me was a must I'm tired of writing this to strangers So they can judge and warn of dangers I'm tired of always hoping for the best I'm tired of life, this game of chess!

Key to a Heart A kiss is the key Of whether your into me Make it rough Heart grows tough Make it sleazy Soul becomes uneasy Do it slow Love will grow Make it long Right were I belong Let me see Your kiss is the key

Inside a Cloud Inside a cloud You can dream up many things Like dancing to a beat That many Angels sing Floating along soft pillows Not a worry on your mind Everything has been taken care of Through an eternity of time Looking down from the clouds Waves crashing to the shore Peace and loving happiness Easing thoughts wanting to explore Looking down on birds and kites Flying and circling all around Sail boats and dolphins Playing in God's playground The sun begins to fall asleep The moon begins to shine proud All of this natural beauty Looking down from inside a cloud

Brother Brother please don't look at me like that Brother I don't know why it keeps beeping Brother I will talk to them about you wanting privacy Brother I'm sorry you hurt so bad Brother I hate this! Brother please get better Brother we never went on that trip Brother this is just crazy! Brother I miss you and your not even gone! Brother I have to work and may be a little late Brother I can't give you anymore Morphine! Brother I can't cry anymore! Brother I love you!

Clowns It was a bright sunny day in July Todd, Steve, Robby and I Road our bikes past market square We saw a sign, stopped and stared "Circus Coming :Acrobats, Live Animals, and Clowns! Why the looks in our eyes and the excitement in the air Of seeing the clowns and the fun we'd share Cutting grass, and working on farms of all places The joy of earning our money, the different clown faces The day had come and we all scattered round The big top was here, here in our town We saw Lions, Tigers and Bears oh my! Daredevils, and acrobats performed way up high Then all of a sudden the lights all went out The crowd became silent and not a noise heard throughout All of a sudden the center stage became lit With hundreds of clowns, our money well spent We laughed and chuckled until we could laugh no more The excitement we shared, our minds did soar Twenty years later as I pass from town to town I'll never forget that hot July Day! Especially the Clowns

A miracle too late Why do I strive to be a better man than my father? Because I feel alone to him, because I cannot be my brother.. We can talk and talk and never work things out All he seeks is praise from others, such a shame I want to shout The man that made me is so blind to see I am nothing like him, but I am me! Oh I tried for years just to get along But it always ends in a country sad song Most men would have been so proud of things I've done I'm a man's man, not a wimpy ass clown! Oh I love woman, beer, and yes even Nascar! But I put on a suit to work, Integrity I will go far! Parenting, yes I now a thing or two I've raised 6 not of my own, even purchased their shoes They had no dad, and I was a welcome sign Stood proud in front of them, covering their behinds That is how I go about my day Giving them loving, attention, showing them the right way Yes their are days, my kids aren't good enough for you But the time you spend with them is really way too few When your oldest son died, I also lost my brother I loved him probably more than you, he was like no other So I understand why it is our relationship will never get closer I am who I am dad, just looking for my father!

Misery My silence remains from all the shame The love I gave, your curses and blame Sultry patience withered from a spool Your evil ways, created a fool Reaching out with my heart of wings You're jagged knife, your cut still stings You've raped my soul with devils sperm My insides rust, my lessons learned What my heart now has is little to show Your insanity filled veins, overflow So to trust and give you my heart again I'd rather die, and let misery begin!