TODAY~
How do I swallow all this pain when I’m drowning in tears?
I cannot cry for fear my kids will see
I am lost and alone
I don’t know how to pull myself out of this hole
Who wants a broken woman with three kids?
No hope and no where to run locked in this box of broken despair
The Smile I wear, a mask to hide the pain
Life goes on whether or not anyone cares
In this house I am the last
Cleaning out the cobwebs
Yet I can’t clean out the ones on the inside
It’s the same old tune
I have to make sure everyone else is happy and content
But I can’t seem to do the same for me
Tears flow now but I can’t cry
I have to much to do
Dishes need to be washed and laundry folded
There’s another pair of jeans I cannot replace
How do I send them to school in tattered clothes?
I miss my lover and my friend but what to do when he is so far away
I just want to be wrapped up in your arms and know it will all be okay but
You can’t wrap your arms around thin air
And there is no comfort over these electrical lines.
I whisper I love you though you cannot hear
Afraid to love
Afraid of another broken heart
But the sad joke is on me, I’m already in love.
How do you pick up the pieces of a broken woman
And how do you tell her not to cry?
Can you love what is broken and lost
And do you even care to try?
A Heart~
Such a simple thing, just a symbol.
Yet, so much goes into that little thing.
It gets filled with wishes, hopes, passions,
Anger, love, happiness, sorrows, tenderness,
Joys, and more, every emotion that fills the soul.
Some days it is filled to bursting, and others
You wonder if there was ever anything inside.
But mine is the best of all, mine is always hopeful,
Always tender, bursting with passion, and love
To give to you.
Little You~
Little eyes, little nose, little hands
Little toes, little dreams, little woes
Just a little bit of everything but it means the world to me.
Little Angel~
Little angel small and bright
What do you dream in the night?
Do you dance with the Fairies?
Do you sing with the Lark?
Do you play with the Moon?
Little angel small and bright
What do you dream in the night?
The Music~
The music tells the stories
The music is my life
The music soothes the savage heart
The music rages with me
The music lives on…
The music is in my blood
The music is in my tears
The music shines with my laughter
The Music knows no fear
The music lives on…
Janice dreams of Bobby McGee
Aerosmith said Dream On,
Tom does the Last Dance with Mary Jane
And Garth has his Friends In Low Places.
Linkin Park is Numb
And ICP just wants 4 Things in This Bitch…
And the music lives on…
The music speaks of love
The music speaks of hate
The music speaks of hypocrites and fate
The music tells the truth of souls
The music lives on…
And the beat keeps drummin’ in my head
The music keeps the rhythm
We just keep the tune.
The music lives on and on beyond me, beyond you.
The music is the rhythm of life, dance along,
As the music lives on...
Daydreams~
Daydreams of you
A romance coming true
Sweet words that brighten a day
I want to love you in everyway.
Faith, hope, and Love
And the greatest of these is love
I feel loved.
In my dreams and in my heart
Ready to make a brand new start
Please God, let your will be done
Show us the way and your will for the future.
A thousand questions and a thousand answers
And still more to be said,
Each question and answer leading me right back to you.
Beautiful dreams of a sandy beach,
A kiss
A hug and
Me in your arms
Maybe one day dreams will come true.
A Hard Goodbye~
God this pain I’ve caused
I never meant for it to hurt.
You said you loved me,
And I was never sure.
Willing to try, but somehow couldn’t make it fly.
Daring to dream of the stars meant hurting you.
My friend, on this walk, though the road feels like glass
Please know that if I could I would wish it all away.
I wish you peace, and love, and happiness.
I wish you joy unending and
I wish you could forgive the pain I have caused.
A New Day~
A new time to shine
A new chance to love
A new opportunity to help
A time for everything and
Everything in its time,
New beginnings and loves
New smiles and
A new way to show you just how much I care
You make me want to be better
You make me want to do more
Your sweet words carry my heart through the day
And I feel loved
New beginnings are scary,
They require faith and a willingness to trust
Hold my hand and I’ll take yours
Together we can see it through a new day
For Your Love~
For your love
I would do anything
For your love
I would cross the widest sea
A love so sweet and true
My heart longs for you
For your love
I would top the highest mountain top
For your love
I would walk the blazing desert
For your love is the flame in my heart
Memories of Us~
Memories of the two of us
It started with an introduction
A letter
There was just something about you,
So genuine, so true
Falling for you was so easy to do.
Late nights we just couldn’t say goodnight
Meeting your friends and family
There was just something about you,
So genuine, so true
Laying in your arms that first night
I slept like a baby
How I long to be close to you
I keep you with me in my heart
You are there when I rise and
The vision I see as I lay my head down to sleep
Memories of the two of us
The laughter
The tears
Waiting to see what tomorrow will bring
And the memories we will make.
The Lost Lover~
Pictures of you scattered across my desk, not knowing if there will ever be more. Each new day comes to pass, and I wonder if our paths will ever cross. In every car, around every bend I look for you, I see you in the bright blue sky, I see you in the stars, but all I really want is you here in my arms.
Messages oh so many they fill the room, they fill my head. Promises, and I love you’s on every one, do they mean anything, do they mean as much to you?
My heart aches not knowing
And yet all the while I love you
I love you when I rise
I love you when I go about the business of the day.
I love you even more when I lay my head to rest.
Knowing you I have been so blessed.
The tears you cry I cannot dry, I wish to God I could
Theses tears you cry are bitterness, of a task you left unfulfilled.
My love I can’t change that, no one can.
I have love for you that is my gift, yours to take if only you would.
New Love~
Wishing you were here talking to me
Walking hand in hand
Down this street of dreams.
Putting my heart in your hands
Praying for blessings and Gods will.
Pushing away the fear that comes
With trying something new
Because I know that it is hard for you too.
Trusting in what we have and working to build the rest.
Spinning~
Thoughts of you run ‘round my brain.
Living my life
Though you are far away,
I feel you right here next to me.
I see your smile
Each time I laugh,
And dream of your arms
When I need a hug,
Little things throughout the day,
So much I want to share with you.
Thoughts of you spinning round and round
Blessings~
A life well lived
So much still to learn and share.
Little ones who call me mommy
And give me kisses after bed time prayers.
Finding joy in the daily grind.
Laughing when I want to cry
Because I know I am not in this life alone.
A new love,
New hopes and dreams.
How Sweet~
Sitting here waiting to hear from you
Thinking about what is yet to come
How sweet it is knowing you
Dreams for tomorrow
Hopes for today
Laugher and love
How sweet it is knowing
You love me just because.
So Many Men ~ Just You
Talking to you, things got a little crazy
I just can’t help what your doing to me baby.
Images of your sweet lovin’ runnin’ round my brain
I think you’re drivin’ me insane
“So many men” or so they say, but baby I’ll take just you any day
Went out the other night with my best friend
All the guys were lookin’ and lookin’ good,
A new one around every bend
But your on my mind and I just don’t give them the time
“So many men” or so they say, but baby I’ll take just you any day
“So many men,” you know the line, “So little time”
“So many men” and that’s just fine, but baby I’ll take just you anytime
The Men~
Young love withered on a cool winter eve,
One more night waiting for him to come home from drinkin’
One last time to hear the lies.
She told him to go
They didn’t need him anymore.
They’d been down that road too many times before.
Life was hard and the children cried
She was lost and searching for understanding
Searching for more
She went home to start again.
Momma’s heart held love and reassurance.
Nights of loneliness, and tears she cried for what was lost,
Until the day she decided it was time to live again.
First was the Business Man who said I’ll make you forget
The one night she laid in his arms reminded her that life was empty with out love.
There was the Tin Man with his heart so small,
He told her lies like the man before. His girl called one night
And that’s how she knew she was the other woman.
The tin man became just a friend.
Then came the Cowboy,
Who was free and fun.
He left her spinning and thinking that he might be the one
He gave her sweet words, and baseball, but not an eternity.
The Doctor was an electronic Prince
What started as friendly conversation turned
To dreams filled with laughter
And L.O.V.E.
But life can be cruel and tragedy took him away.
.
Now she’s found a man like Stroker Ace,
Who has a fast car and loves to race.
He loves his family and friends,
Lover and friend being with him just makes her feel complete again.
He gets her greasy during the day and ‘rocks’ her to sleep at night.
And she loves every minute with him.
He is quite, sweet, moody, loud, funny, handsome, and fast.
This man is still here and though she loves him,
She’s afraid to tell him
He’s not ready and may never be.
He’s been hurt too, and the other woman left her scars.
She’s afraid to give her heart as she’s done before,
But more afraid of never trying, and loosing so much more.
These were the men she loved,
Some a little, the others meant the world to her.
She loved them all for their faults and humanity
She loved them for the joys, fun days and passions shared,
She has finally found a peace in herself and knows what she missed by
Leaping into love at such a young age, but life moves forward not back.
The years have been hard and
It’s still a struggle but she waits….
She waits for love
She finds joy and happiness in her children and all the little things
She waits …
For her family to be complete again.
She waits for life renewed.
She prays.
The Year the World Fell Apart~
The year the world fell apart
She told him enough was enough
The year the world fell apart
She told him she was tired of the lies and empty promises
The year the world fell apart
He left her and their three kids and walked away.
The year the world fell apart
The children cried
The year the world fell apart
They did not understand
The year the world fell apart
They just missed their dad
The year the world fell apart
She failed for the first time
The year the world fell apart
Nothing seemed to work right.
The year the world fell apart
He disappeared and hitched to get back to them
The year the world fell apart
She was scared to death of what he might do.
The year the world fell apart
She had to tell the oldest the truth
The year the world fell apart
A boy had to learn parents aren’t always perfect.
The year the world fell apart
She felt the weight of the world lift off of her shoulders.
The year the world fell apart
She held her head up proud for the first time in years
The year the world fell apart
She took back her life.
Unspoken Love-
The sight of you brightens my day.
When you look at me I melt.
Your voice is a whisper of soft sweet music to my soul.
When you speak to me I am near to heaven.
Being near you brings me peace.
Your smile is light.
Your lips divine.
Your touch is a rapture, I long to feel.
I see your pain, and I long to fold you in my arms.
I want to keep you there until all you feel is love.
But how can I tell you when you are not ready to hear?
How do I tell my heart not to fear?
I love you.
How do I say I love you?
I pray for God to heal your broken heart.
I pray that when you are ready you will be loved.
I pray that God will find the way and bring us together.
To God I bear all, in him I place all of my hopes and dreams.
My hope is for love.
My dream is of you.
Why~
Why?
Why is your voice so sweet?
Why is it that at the end of the day all I want is you?
Why do I see you in everything I do each day?
Why do I dream of you and yet I have nothing to say when you are near.
Why do you not see that I love you?
Why do I care?
Why is just being next to you peace to my soul.
Why,
What is love, but a chemical reaction?
Why then do we feel that we need to be with someone?
Why must we put all are hopes on a passing emotion?
Why do I feel so empty without you?
Why is friendship not enough?
Why does the sight of you make my pulse race and tummy turn?
Why can’t I tell you how I feel?
Why do I write what you may never read?
Love Me or Leave Me~
Sweet and seductive when we are together,
Cold as ice when we are apart.
Love me or leave me.
Do you know what you want?
Or did you already get it?
Love me or leave me.
Your touch like velvet,
Your moods, like spines.
Love me or leave me.
Love me,
Or leave me.
Hold me forever,
Or let me go.
Why keep holding on if you are not sure what you want?
Why say you want me, and never show me any attention.
Love me or leave me.
How is it that I still care,
When I know you will do it again?
Love me, or leave me.
Love My Love~
Telling you I'd give you a kiss just on the cheek
That's love My Love
Answering a thousand questions and happy to answer a million more
That's love My Love
All the little things you do
That's love My Love
Morning inspiration, words that speak to the soul
That's love My Love
Not wanting anyone but you
That's love My Love
Singing songs you send to me
That's love My Love
Praying for you each morning and just before I close my eyes
That's love My Love
Wanting to hold you always
That's love My Love
Dancing around my living room to L*O*V*E, waltzing my babies across the floor
That's love My Love
Not wanting to wait for the next message, because I want you right here beside me.
That's love My Love
Thinking of you in all that I do
That's love My Love
Spending the rest of our lives devoted to God, family and each other
That's love My Love
All I can give you is love My Love
Life Too Short~
Time is so short,
Just weeks ago a new life was born,
And yesterday her mommy went to heaven.
A little boy waits for a mommy
Who can never come home,
A grieving husband
Had to watch her go.
Too young to die, this teacher and friend.
Time is too short,
Have you kissed your loved ones today?
Did you let them know you care?
Tomorrow is coming,
But it may not be for you.
Are you ready?
Do you know what the end may hold?
I may not know what tomorrow may hold, but I will hold the ones I love everyday.
Stuck in the Middle~
So life goes, and I am stuck in the middle,
Ahead of my past,
And not quite to tomorrow.
The daily grind can tear you down
Little things can turn you around.
I am dizzy,
I am lost
I have found all things resolved, in the cross
Meant for more, and yet, still stuck in the middle
Looking for the one to hold my hand along the way,
Seeing with him a brand new day.
Life before knew little joy
In the middle without hope
Back when I was lost,
Before I was found
Stuck in the middle.
Just me~
I am just me
Far from perfect
And a long way from giving up
I am just me
Mother
Teacher
Student
Sister
Daughter
Ex
Sweetie
Bitch
Sassy
Classy
Smart
Blonde
Friend and
Lover
I am just me.
Who are you?
The Race~
The dirt’s been packed, and hot laps made.
The last check of the engine’s complete
He gets set to go.
He knows their watching
He knows their waiting
Win, lose, or draw its time to race.
His drug of choice is not anything you put in your body,
It’s speed, dirt, and the vibrating beast below.
He’s high as a kite as he pulls to the start.
Cradled in his seat, he’s ready to run
The roar of the engine makes his heart race,
Win, lose, or draw the drug is the race.
He’s set to fly as the green flag drops.
Turn four’s just seconds away.
He makes his move, weaving in and out
Moving from last to first in no time flat
He knows their watching
He knows their waiting
Please God don’t let this one be the last
Win, lose, or draw the drug is the race.
Somewhere the crowd is yelling for their favorite,
But all he hears is the engines roar.
Two laps to go, and the car’s been pushed to the break’n point
There goes another who won’t finish the race.
The yellow flag cleared,
Just lap more for the checkered to drop
He knows they are watching
He knows they are waiting
He sees the finish line and his heart beats faster
Win, lose, or draw the drug is the race.
Pain~
How do you feel sorrow without pain?
How do you tell a heart not to break?
Pain flows through my veins
A poison that is renewed with each beat of my heart
Loss unbearable, hopes and dreams shattered.
Where do you go when you can’t hide from the pain?
And who will be there to save you from drowning in the
Abyss of pain which draws you down ever deeper?
The Words~
My friends and comforters
The words flow though I know not where they go
The words take a life of their own.
The words make me smile
The words make the tears flow
The words take me back to
Memories of yesterday.
The words are nonsense,
The words are pure truth.
The words flow on.
Casting Stones~
How do you know me?
You’ve seen me once and think you know
What my life is all about.
People talk about what they know not.
Life in plain view is not always what it seems
The things that people hide behind closed doors not always known
Who are you to condemn and what do you hide when you think no one is looking?
Cast your stones but know your sins.
Is your heart as clear as you claim it is?
The Day Words Failed Her~
Life…
Untitled~
How did we get here?
Where did the love go?
You promised me forever, and failed to even try.
Do you remember all the plans we had?
And whatever happened to us growing old together?
You promised to always take care of our family
But we lost you in the beer, the white powder, and the lies.
The bar and your good time was more important then paying the bills.
And look at you now, why do you never call your kids?
And how do I keep telling them you love them when you never bother?
It breaks my heart to hear them ask for you and know you wont be there for them.
How will they see you when they are grown?
I fear the oldest has seen too much and for better or worse
One day he is going to tell you exactly what he thinks of you.
How did that young love come to this?
There was a time where you were my world,
No moon or stars too far out of reach,
We were going to have it all.