The Curse of The Blonde (TM)Original Poetry by Ivy, Laureth, Jan, whatever....
Written at 15:
I wonder if this agony
Will last for an eternity
How can I learn to heal the pain
So I may feel alive again?
My ache runs deeper than my soul,
The hurt that only you control,
You, who caused me all my pain,
Come and heal me once again.
You won't be back, I know I'm right
I'll never feel you hold me tight.
I can tell by the look your eyes hold,
Your love for me has grown stone cold.
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Twilight darkens my sleep
I reach out to find you
I find nothing instead
Old dreams never die
I wake with that feeling
The hollow ache in my soul
I long for your return
Old dreams never die
I put on my bright face
Seeking love in many eyes
They aren't enough
Old dreams never die
I live a shadow's life
Each day runs into another
Looking for my perfect lover
Old dreams never die
---------------------------------
To Anthony
The night rushes to meet us,
Remember how it used to wait?
We laugh because we're together,
And our love creates a light
The sorrow rushes to meet us,
You are crying, and so am I.
Yet we remember we are timeless,
And our love creates a light.
The fear rushes to meet us,
We exchange a glance and sigh.
We know fear grows in darkness,
And our live creates a light.
The joy rushes to meet us,
We've opened our hearts wide.
Together we faced the darkness,
And our love creates the light.
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And, "The Visit"
Every so often you come
Slipping in through my door
I try hard not to notice
When you creep across my floor
Yet always, you find me
And often I must scream
"I didn't invite you!"
It may just be a bad dream
You know I try to bargain
I've begged and I've hidden
You never forget me
And you won't be forbidden
If I really thought about it
I'd realize I need you
Yet I can't help but wonder
If we might start anew
But moon and stars keep shining
And slowly turns the earth
As you make your yearly visit
To remind me of my birth
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For my eldest daughter, Catherine
To Catherine Faye
I knew you were coming,
I was seven years old,
When I played with my dolls,
It was you I did hold.
My joy when you came,
Was abundant and free,
I swore always and forever,
You would be my baby.
But life as we know it
Can take a dark twist,
I never planned things,
To happen like this.
I see you as you are,
Now hurt and so torn,
Wishing so often that,
You'd never been born.
My heart aches without end,
It's been so for years,
My hands are still not enough,
To wipe away your tears.
*********************
Catherine
Child of anger,
War torn,
Learning harsh survival.
Child of fury,
Sreaming rage,
Fighting all the world.
Child of darkness,
Deceptive,
Knowing how to lie.
Child of hurt,
Lonely inside,
Afraid to reach out.
Child of betrayal,
Night terror,
The protectors failed you.
Child of pain,
Suicidal-anorexic,
You hurt yourself and others.
Child of trauma,
Untrusting,
Can we ever hope to save you?
**************
I swore that I'd protect you.
I didn't.
I swore that I would be there.
I wasn't.
I swore that I could handle it.
I haven't.
I swore that I could fix it.
I can't.
I swore that I would try.
I am.
****************
To Cat
I see the beauty inside,
Deep inside where,
You think you're ugly.
I see beauty.
I see the kindness inside,
Deep inside where,
You think you're mean.
I see kindness.
I see the sorrow inside,
Deep inside where,
You think you don't feel.
I see sorrow.
I see the love inside,
Deep inside where,
You think you can't care.
I see love.
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Beltaine's Folly
Must have been that time of year,
Though many sought to warn me...
When only five days past Beltaine
I gave my self too freely.
Long I have heard tales,
And so oft have been told
The merry love of Beltaine
No one can truly hold
Twas the longest date of mine
A year and a day, close enough
Oh, the passion of that Beltaine
Just died when things got too tough
Long I have heard tales,
And so oft have been told
The merry love of Beltaine
No one can truly hold
I bear the thorn's scar yet, my dear
Though we have long since parted
'Ware the dancers of Beltaine,
Lest you wish you ne'er started
Long I have heard tales,
And so oft have been told
The merry love of Beltaine
No one can truly hold
Listen, lovers where 'ere you be,
My story is true as I told,
For the fires of each Beltaine,
Will flame bright and leave you cold.
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And finally:
A possible epic...who knows...
welcome to my true soul
Screaming in the Darkness
There's a quiet time late at night
When all the lost souls scream
I hear their constant keening
As I waken from my dream
I have joined their masses
Howling my pain in the air
My voice is harsh and primal
Words have no meaning there
My despair comes without mercy
My soul and flesh are torn
The blackness spreads completely
Such pain cannot be borne
I can't see how my choices
Have brought me to this place
I can't even think to question
And tears pour down my face
There's no willing surrender
I must fight against the dark
Yes, the void within will beckon
I will ever bear it's mark
Strength does not come easy
I feel like I've been chained
To the wreckage of my sorrow
My energy has been drained
With fading hope I try again
My battle fire burns out to ashes
I seek the embers of my waning faith
I feel the wave of pain as it crashes
Though try to fan the coals I do
My tiny spark of hope just died
Misery's embrace draws closer now
No relief here, though tears I cried
Bruised my soul and heart must be
I wonder why I am still going on
Some stubborn bit of me won't quit
Since all resistance is long gone
There will be a price I know
But my courage must be fed
Try not to think how close I walk
The line between the live and dead
The morning comes with arrogant sun
It's demanding that I begin anew
I grow weary of all night battles
Casualties mounting, my wins but few
My final prayer of night is this
Let me rise with strength and joy
Like iron becomes tempered steel
Let my soul seek some new alloy
For if I cannot walk with hope
I fear I may never walk at all
Those who are, please be here now
Into their arms I long to fall
May I give them a sacrifice they want
Let gifts I offer them be enough
So that their blessings unto me
Keep me alive when things get rough
Yes, keep me screaming into the dark
Conquer nightmare with rage filled keen
I must rise above agony, face sleep again
And with shining hope I can dare to dream
~
In the long dark night of June 11 to 12th, 1998
Dedicated to my patrons, in hope
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How long must I cry like this, the tears a river flowing
You're blind and cannot see my tears, always so unknowing
I don't dare show my feelings true, the fear lives in my heart
For vicious anger follows then, and it tears my soul apart
I'm hurting and aching, soul rendered to mere tatters
You tell me I'm foolish, bitter speech, it never matters
I'm sorry that I'm way too sensitive, I must be insane
The voice of anger echos on, it never leaves my brain. Lashing back my words hurt you, how the world does change I'm nowhere near as cruel as you, my words you rearrange I'm trying so hard with you, with another I'd just walk out
You accuse me of your own flaws, fill my mind with doubt
The tempest's finally over, and you say you love me true
No more talk of past events, your venting finally through While I again choke back the pain, swallowing my heart
One day I know I'll reach the end of it, then I'll fall apart.
Will you miss me when I've left this world, driven to that end I know my death will cause a wound, I know you'll never mend
Why can't you see that I'm not you, I lack your strength of will
So few things can give me hope, and keep my mind's voice still
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The words, once spoken, are impossible to curb
Spilled ink phrases stain our thoughts deeply
Our words flow past stoppered mouths
To betray our wounds and score unbidden
The words, once heard, are impossible to erase
They are well watered by hidden resentment
We play at an attempt to pacify our hearts
To deny the sick realization harbored there
The words, once freed, are impossible to shirk
Owning up to the truth at last, we are shaking
Watching our castle walls begin to crumble
Coating us with the dust of destruction.
The words, once felt, are impossible to hide
With each little earthquake our fortress cracks
Our love lacks the strength to stand and endure
The incessant battery of our angry words.
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Ritual Spaces
Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate
Demeter, Kali, Innana.......
The soft, sibilant swelling
Of the elder goddess chant
Opens the door
Call and response
Names of ancient lore
Reclaiming, Renaming
Solitary no more
We are embraced by divinity
If only for a spell
She flows within us
Hail and Be Welcome
Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate
Demeter, Kali, Innana....
She is there and he is coming
Pan, Odhin, Cernnunos, Baphomet
Mithros, Loki, Apollo.......
The playful, powerful pounding
Of the ancient gods charge
Pierces the portal
Call and response
Names of mighty mythic male
Reclaiming, renaming
Solitary no more
We are taken by his power
If only for a night
He fills us with desire
Hail and Be Welcome
Pan, Odhin, Cernnunos, Baphomet
Mithros, Loki, Apollo........