Stinger Nitro's blog: "Poetry by Stinger Nitro"

I just want to know one thing. People say that they are your friends, but then you find out that they are only using to get by with life. I thought that was over. I guess it is not since I am in college and the same stuff still happens. That's messed up, when they need you, you're there to help them, but when you need them, they're never around or make excuses. Many people wonder why I do not communicate with many people, now you see why, and it is not just because I am a shy person. Just when I come out, I get placed back in because of something physical about me. This may be the main reason I havent been with anyone on a date, in a relationship, or hanging around with. I get more luck over the phone than this. I read my friend Mia's note. She's right, who u may think are your best friends forever, are truely not. Man! where are the true people at in this world? If there are not any, I just say, it's whatever.

you know what im tryin to forget about the things that r happening to me, but soon as i forget, some unknown factor throws me right back in the mix. why is this happening? what did i do to deserve this. i spend more time making others happy besides myself. i dont know what being happy feels like. i never know what n e thing exciting is like. its like im the acceptor of bad news. and just when something good seems to happen, it becomes a joke, or a game. im sick of being played by people. worst i just found out most of my family has been using me since the death of my mother in 1991. just say they got it coming to them, just not from me. and no they r not gonna die, but they will suffer for using me to get what they want, my so called friends will too. and i thought i was finally gonna experience what having a gf felt like, but that became a joke too. DAMN!!!!!!!!!! See what i mean, i will never be a happy person in life. Too long this has been going on and I sit and do nothing about it, but when i do, im never heard, no one ever believes me, unless its something that they believe i do. Damn, i have so much ager and hurt inside. i dont have a heart n e more, since it has been rip to pieces that cant be put together again. Thanx to everyone who motivates me not to give up, you know who u r. It helps but not enough, although it works. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I just wanna do something bad to myself again, but im not taking that risk. Ima stay silent for a while, n e one needs me, i will be lying in darkness.

everyday is a struggle, everyday is a battle. never knowing what to expect until it happens. what you choose to do when u face it, is another battle. its up to u to get over the unthinkable and make whatever u can better. yes we all have our ups and downs in life, but we cant let that get the best of us now. i admit there were so many times i just wanted to give up on life and damage myself. no one cared about what i wanted to become, since they wanted me to be like someone else, or what i wanted to becomem they showed no support. arguments with family members over what they think is right and wrong, losing people u thought were friends, cuz they made u weak, not strong. people trying to overpower u, just because they want to prove a point to someone else they hang around. what do u do when family and friends dont credit u, unless they want something from ya? your goals have to be put on hold just to please others? no one cares, and ur on ur own. Do u stick to it, or kill urself? I also admit i was close to commiting suicide about 5 times due to the pressure. almost stabbed myself with a pair of scissors, overdose of painkillers and other things, starving myself, drinking too much energy drinks after workouts, etc. no one knows this, but if u read this, u will be shocked about it. yes life is a struggle, but thanx to God, i was able to find ways to prevent killing myself. What can i say, I am a life fighter. we are all life fighters.

ok im angry, i am pissed. i am about to blow up my brain and blood vessels. i am sick and tired of all the females talking about they cant find no guy to treat them right, or saying all guys are dogs. im sick and tired of every female thinking that just because a male have good looks, or the style, or money, that they are gonna get what they want when they ask for it or that they r gonna have a good relationship. the funny thing about it, those always be the males that really aint got it, but front like they do. but whats even worse, the guys like me that have goals, got a future and stuff planned out, have a hard time getting females because we dont look cute or like a pretty boy with the abs or have the latest style or a car or other materialistic things that girls look for. but we be the main ones that all the females will come to, to get them out of sticky situations, or pass a class, or get with someone that they like, and we get no mother fuckin credit at all. i actually came out of the box one time to see what people really think, i ask some females what would they think of dating me if i was to ask them out. majority of them laughed at me when i asked this question, or gave me the look like "why the hell are u asking me this?" some of them said that they wouldnt give me the chance at all, i would have to have certain things, look a certain way, or they just had no interest. some say they would rather be a friend than date me, because they say im cool, but the funny that about these who said im cool, they only figure me cool when i can do things for them and the next day i dont exist to them. im also sick and tired of the males using and abusing the females to get what they want, and when they cant, they call them bitches and hoes, and talk bad about them. im sick of the males playing, using, and cheating and on the females and vice versa. im sick of having to hear that all men are dogs, and aint worth nothing but sex and money. im sick of the females thinking the male is just going to do for them and get nothing out of it. u know what, i dont give a damn anymore. 20 years on the solo route, just because i cant get the chance to prove myself just because im big, or not wearing a certain style of clothes, or no car, or dont have the "looks." because of this i had to go solo twice to my proms, most of the ppl lied about not coming and showed up. single, cuz u would rather get ur heart broken by a person who is calling themself a pimp or player with the "qualifications" u want them to have. but u call me crying and bitchin in my face depend on me later to get u out of a bad situation and i get no credit? i just realized, i had to do a lot just to get liked by a lot of people, and i hate that i had to do it. it was either that or not be liked and get beat up or joned out about my weight when i say something. yeah no one has no idea what it feels like not to be liked, if u have been liked since birth by everyone u encounter. its bullshit to the infinitive power. u know what, just stop depending on males to have all what u want, and stop thinking about getting all u want in one package, cuz u not going to get it all at one time. u never know, what u be looking for will come when u earn it, and the guys who call themselves players, pimps, or thugs,]... stop the bullshit, u fucking it up for all us guys!!! stop the name calling, the one-hitting and quitting, the wannabe balling and playing, the just want to hit it scheme, the harassment, the violence to the females when YOU cant get what YOU want when YOU want it, and stop the madness!!! and for both sexes, stop trying to be better than the next person and stop using each other. DAMN!!! and u wonder y most girls turn to lesbians and most guys turn gay, or why many ppl cant have or keep friends, because of u type of motherfuckers. thanx a lot bastards. cuz of guys and girls like u, im stuck like this, single, solo, and no luck with females and never gonna come out the box and speak my mind to a female when i have feelings for them or have true friends. i see now what i did to be liked was not even worth it after all. I should have stayed the queit, lonely person. now my vessels have busted, thanx a lot. Im out before i kill myself

I noticed that life is a bitch. But lets face it, a lot of people may have known this already, but now im just realizing it to its full extent. to be honest, i use to just let shit happens and go about my business, then i realized u cant ignore it everytime it comes about. sometimes u just have to face it or go for it, whether u like the outcome or not. lets face it, we all have been through some things we like and didnt like, and most of us has it worse than others. believe me, life isnt easy, but u just cant let it stop u from doing what u want to do. It has been many times i have wanted to give up on life due to false friends, being played by females who i thought really liked me, the adults not expecting me to make it, teachers not giving a damn, who love to see u fail, and dont wanna see u make it (well some), family, and not being able to accomplish my dreams because people wanting me to be like them or someone else they know. And another thing i really hate, this talk of religion. COME ON PEOPLE, THIS IS REALLY GETTING OUT OF HAND. I know a lot of people are so-called devoted followers of their religion, but you cant make no one or force no one to do something that you may think is not right or is right. I hate this for a fact, im sick of all these christians talking about i can do this but cant do this under God. Come on, how u know what he is really feeling? U ARE NOT HIM! As long as He understands, then thats all that matters. Stop trying to impress people in the religion life to get some type of credit, cause the only thing i see coming out of this is a lot of drama, confusion, and nonsense. I know i may sound crazy saying this, but its what i feel and how i feel right now. Another thing, all these people calling themselves players, pimps, pimperettes, etc. this really has got to stop. You wonder why u guys and girls cant keep shit, look at what u doing to everyone u come across, u hurting them for ur pleasure and wanting. Because of ppl, like u, u wonder why many ppl do what they do and go the way they go. u actually having ppl getting killed for this shit and losing their lives over this. just cuz u all are trying to prove something thats not real or be like someone u admire or see on television, but u still do it. ok i think i better stop before i break a bodypart. im stinger nitro and im out.

This is the time that I am alone, no one around to call my own. This is the time that i fear, because its scares me to the bone. This is the time I hate to see, because its not where i can be me. This is the time where im depressed, becasue of the hatred and doubting. This is where it all starts, the fight until my depart this is where it all begins, the pain where i had a heart. this is what i see, nothing good that happens to me. All i see is the pain and the torture, will i ever be free? Ive been heart all my life, by mostly everyone i see Some only did things, cuz they felt sorry for me I thought they meant it, but it was a joke and that was when i heart went far from broke The things I face, the things i hear Made me invisible and my heart disappear, I lost my feelings, I lost my thought I still have fear, but by what i was taught I have no heart, I have no feelings i have no hope, I have no meaning. I am invisible, im not seen in life. I may not grow up to receive kids and a wife. My life has been put on hold Cause i spend it making others happy And when i cant do what they want they make me feel more crappy I never felt love, i only felt hate ive been disfigured, never to motivate use my everyone i see and know knocked me out with a KO blow. Ive been used, to make others better but my life, Im never feeling better Im just here, only for ur pleasure U use me, and ur more clever. This is my life, this is who I am An invisible human, living on land I may be a crawler, or maybe a creeper but me, hehe, im the invisible mindspeaker