Lilyiian's blog: "Poetry by me"

Hopelessly sinking down in to a hole, wondering what has happened to my soul. So scared and alone, lost and shaken, chilled to the bone. Living nightmares that never seem to fade away, fears and scars concealed from those I cherish most, terrified to share what bothers me the most. Endlessly searching for what I never seem to find, constantly wondering what is always hidden in the back of my mind. Never truly knowing what I feel in my soul, tired of the lies that help me stay in control. Afraid to loose it all and fade away, trying so hard to live for another day. Memories that haunt a troubled mind, shoved away to deal with at another time. Flooding over in to what was once a happy soul. Now I am left drowning striving to regain control. Lost and broken from within, torn and scattered fighting not to give in. Praying I find a way to escape my pain and fears. Hoping to find peace and a place where I don’t have to hide my tears. Where my soul is free to soar, and my feelings are shared. Someplace where there is someone to take my hand, hold me tight and tell me everything will be alright. These are the dreams that I pray one day will come true, until then I will be searching for you.

Memories bring tears to her eyes, as she is taken to another place in her mind. Days filled with laughter and love, nights filled with passion and hunger. A gentle sigh escapes her lips, as she closes her eyes and escapes in to another place in time. Silent words flutter by on a breeze, a hint of romance fills the sky. She sits there waiting in the soft pale light for her lover to arrive. A wall erected around her heart, tears refusing to show, just the feel of his embrace would turn it all around. No longer scared to share what she feels inside, no longer waiting for the right one to arrive. There are so many thoughts and desires that need to be shared. Along with moments of tenderness between those that care. Suddenly she sees him walking against the colored sky, a smile on his face as his eyes met hers, words that go unspoken a love that is told by just a look. He reaches for her and pulls her to his side. He is finally whole no more searching for her. The void that he has felt for so long is filled as he gently wipes the tears from her eyes. A loves tender kiss savored until its last drop, dreams and desires all unfold as they emerge in to one body and one soul. Her eyes flutter as she is ripped back to reality. Knowing deep down her desires will never come true. Endlessly repeating the same old tune, longing to be needed and fulfilled. A tear rolls down her pale cheek as she silently wishes for it all to end, for someone to take all her pain away and make her whole again.

A tender smile, a gentle touch, a loving laugh, softly whispered words in to the night, These are the things I remember when I close my eyes. Memories of you drift through my mind, taking me back to a night spent in your arms. Troubles and worries forgotten when you hold me in your arms, the world stands still and all that matters is you and I. Not use to the way you treat me or how you make me feel, slowly getting use to what it means to be with you. Hating the time that we spend apart, but constantly knowing no matter where you are, you are always with me in my heart.

In her mind she whispers words that go undeclared. Her tender heart left yearning for a love that is equally shared. Thoughts of passion inspired by a fleeting touch words that are silently spoken with just a look. A soul burdened with the story of a love that shall never be set free. Over time she thought these feelings would fade away like so many others she has cared for along the way. But as time passes the love remains, growing stronger and stronger each and every day. A heartbreaking story echoes through out her soul, a tale that is told not through spoken words but through her writings of another place in time. Tears that refuse to fall, never doubting his love at all. Patiently she waits until he’s ready to give them a final chance to finally dance in the song called love.

When did the things you start to do effect me this way?? When did I need you around to tell you what I need to say?? How am I suppose to live my life if thoughts of you keep running through my mind?? Why does it seem like we never have enough time?? Tears refuse to fall, just because I feel like I have lost it all. So I smile and push it in to the back of my mind to deal with it at another time. Days melt in to each other with night feeling like it never goes away. Why is it that I want to ask you stay?? Full of hurt and not sure why, tears start to fall from my eyes. Sad songs stream across my screen as I sit here and dream. Dreaming of a life that could of been. Falling to pieces in the night, hoping and praying I find the light.

He wasn't who she assumed so often people become who we deem they are not. Several different things that she was told, left to question was he really who she thought? He said he would call, but that was another ruse. She beseeches with her self as to why she even tries, when it always turns out to be the same lie. Almost convinced he was different in every way, she closes the door and walks away. Her heart left untouched. A night she will soon erase, along with all the words that were whispered. Silently wishing that it wouldn't have turned out this way, she goes back to living day by day. Never faltering or discouraged that love will find her someday.

Tears stream down from what were once soft loving eyes, A loving heart shattered by lies. Pieces fall all around, torn and broken on the ground. Void of feelings left numb inside. Memories surpressed to deal with another time, keeping in so many things that should be told. Forgetting what its like to feel your own soul Thoughts fading like the day, no dreams or desires left to fade away. Tired of waiting for what shall never come. endlessly searching for who I use to be. Fighting just to make it through the night never really knowing what is right. Holding back what secrets lie in store, waiting for the light so I can see once more. Tired of dreaming of what should of been, scared of not knowing where my life is going to end. Painfully waiting to see what tomorrow holds in store, hopelessly dreaming that its something so much more. More then anger, hurt, and pain, no longer being a pawn in fates twisted game. Desperatly praying that life turns out ok, patiently waiting until I find the right way.

Listen to the tears pouring out her soul, contributing to the pain that dwells within. Cautiously concealed, within private thoughts known to have gone astray, obstructed by thoughts of what use to be peaceful desires. Here are the dreams that go undeclared. They are left drifting in eternal slumber never to be shared. Determined by the constant blaze of yearning for what has vanished, she carries on. Listening to the solitary dreams that were once shared, she searches to find serenity in her soul. Relentlessly perusing the words that go unsaid, she discovers the true pain she feels within. Drowning in despair, she reaches for a hand to grasp. Desperately reaching for someone who was never there, she is swept away in to isolation encircled by all her fears. Overcome with anguish, trembling in apprehension, she seeks out conviction in the beliefs she cherishes. Discovering the ambition to continue on, she survives through all her solitude and her pain