trixie's blog: "poetry and writing"

yes, i am strange, but seriously... still life... did you actually read it? let me know- why? why not? do you think you learned anything about me? what is it? do you think you know what is mine, what is hers, what we share? have you ever looked into someones refrigerator and tried to figure out who they are? do i need more therapy? if these were painted on canvas would you stand and read them? do you think i stood in my kitchen and wrote all this stuff down? or do you think i made it up? when you look at your space what do you see of yourself? what do our possesions tell people about us? how well do you have to know someone to know what belongs to them and what doesn't? if someone found your wallet or bag, what would they think of you? if someone broke into your house, would they find you? if your housecleaner or one night stand needed a snack and rifled your kitchen, what would they learn about you? if someone ran out of toilet paper and went through your bathroom, how intimately would they see you? do you ever?

still life glimpse of two spaces, on one day, into two people by leah random What's in our refrigerator: fresh tangerine juice 64 0z jug, one quart half & half, nonflavoured enriched soymilk 32oz , vegetable oil/yogurt spread, 1 lb box baking soda, 13oz can of vegetarian dog food, 13oz can of beef and rice dog food, 5oz can of chicken cat food, box of 96 crayola crayons, 3 litre bottles of water, 1 chicken breast (inedible), 9 eggs (cagefree, veg fed etc), 64oz tub of plain nonfat yogurt, 1 green bell pepper, 1 head of cabbage, 1 & 1/2 zuchinni squashes, 1/2 chopped mango, 8oz tofu, 1 lb sliced ham, 1 eggplant, 1 beet, 25oz bottle of lime mineral water, soy coffee creamer blend of hazlenut and plain in a glass bottle, 1 stick of butter, 1/2 pear (inedible), 8oz monteray jack cheese, small piece of ginger root, tamari wheat free soy sauce (near empty), ginger lime sauce (half full), 16oz aloe vera juice (near empty), 8oz can of pimp juice, yellow mustard (near empty), spicy mustard(half full), ketchup (near empty), pear sesame salad dressing (near empty), sweet sesame salad dressing (near empty), fruit sweetened ketchup (half full), large plastic tub of assorted vegetarian fruit jelly poppers, sugar free strawberry torani syrup (half full), sugar free black cherry torani syrup (near empty), 8oz can of lychee mineral water, black teacup half full of garlic butter, package of lite soy sauce, package of sliced ginger What's in our freezer: package of rosemary, 2 lbs of tofu, 1 chicken breast, 1 yellowjacket, 1 ice tray with ice, 1 hummingbird, bag of sugar snap peas (near empty), 4 partially eaten chocolate covered chicken hearts, bag of stir fry veggie mix (near empty), bag of long green and yellow beans (near empty), 1 salmon burger, 2 crab cakes, 2 ice packs, 2 xsm containers of cooked mixed grains

Sunday, November 20, 2005 i am insane Current mood: indescribable Category: Writing and Poetry maybe happiness is accepting that i am too broken to be held...like so much shattered glass...a living sculpture, cracked, sharp edges, lonely and wanting to be embraced, pretending to be pristine, if you try, you will bleed, you will hate...can anyone take the pain? find the smooth spots to grasp? the right grip? maybe happiness is being alone and pretty on my platform, dancing silently

DESTROY SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL by leah random Take me farther than I've ever been, Dig deep into me. I'll never say that word. Again and again, How many ways, can I give it to you? My souls virginity. This gift I give to you, Bleed this virgin flesh, Beautiful surrender. Do with me as thou wilt, Tonight you are my God. In each moment, yes, hidden fear, Is this it? Don't forget the cheesecake. Tomorrow is maybe. No, I wouldn't be surprised, Yes, you will be forgiven. Ecstasy to be under you hand, Ecstasy to make you happy, Ecstasy kicking and screaming, Pleading through sealed lips, Carefully drawn perfection, Smeared, wet and blinding, Ecstasy to taste me inside you, Crying, broken, ripped, torn. Struggling to be yours.

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful by leah random I hacked off my hair, I shaved my head. I didn't shower and I came in wrinkled and smelling. No makeup and I walked like a man. I walked the long way, the around way, secret way, to avoid. I hid. I cried in the corner while everyone stared. I glared and spoke monosylable. Each day, I didn't want to be beautiful that day, or the day after that. Someone told me someone else had said I was pretty. The tears welled up and I wanted to scream "DON'T YOU KNOW HOW HARD I TRIED?" I just walked away.

"YOU" by leah random Your head turns your car slows down you are stopped in your tracks you are running down the street up the stairs down the hall the elevator across the room to catch up with me. You are compelled to tell me why even if you have to scream it at me. You are compelled to give to me whatever you can. coffee candy cherry tree branch cash money a ride a jacket lunch a dance pay my bill pay my way part the sea anything for free and too much change back a magazine a book a movie a drink a house a car iced tea entrance acceptance a key dessert safety your body time shoes a nightstick work a woman diamonds a napkin a smile. i yes no maybe let's go leave me alone thank you come here run away screaming hide under car get on stage blank crying smile eyebrow up vomit.