bratty princess's blog: "poems"

I walk through the world screaming. Street after street, house after house, just opening up my lungs and letting my voice ring. People pass me on the busy, city streets. No one looks up. No one cares. No one has time for a lost little girl. I release my voice once again. Nothing. The world is it's usual self. People chatter around me. Some in love. Some just casual. Some remain as silent as the pavement I walk. But not I. I will scream louder. Someone will hear me and come to my rescue. I scream so the heavens can hear me. No savior comes running. No life saver is tossed into this sea of terror. No one can hear me. Reality hits me. The truth I cannot avoid. It happened to me. And only he bestowed these feelings upon me. Some pain. Some bruises. Some fear. He happened to me. And I couldn’t stop him. He happened to me. And the night I won’t soon forget. I need somebody. I have nobody. I am nobody.

All I could smell was your putrid breath As you panted on my neck I begged and pleaded with you to stop As you slowly climbed on top You kissed my neck, and pulled my pants down All that time, I refused to make a sound And to this day I can only think that it is my fault I let you make that brutal assault I chose the wrong guy, fucked up again But I trusted you, I thought you were my friend

I gaze into the mirror, hoping that this is the day, I'll find myself. Each day I go to the mirror, and each day I do, I must shake hands with a stranger. There may be certain traits we share, small resembelnces. Same eyes, same hair, but never mine. The girl that stares back at me, wears bags from lack of sleep. Her arms bare a new set of cuts. That girl I find in the mirror, couldn't be me. I was never that rugged torn down girl. Never. Before I met him. He stole me away along with my innocence, and left a stranger in my place. I gaze into the mirror once more. Where am I? I can't find myself. I am hopelessly lost in this nightmare. I let out a scream of fury, of pain and of loss. A tear rolls down my face, as well as the stranger's. I bring up my fist, and strike with all my might. Glimmering glass in the light, spills onto the wooden floor. Shards of lies that litter my world. Hopes and dreams are scattered, with the pieces. Blood oozes from an open cut. It drips down onto the torrid remains. My eyes cry tears that aren't mine. The broken mirrors hold faces that are but strangers. I am nothing but shattered glass.

You treated me like I didn’t have feelings And I couldn’t tell you any thing while you were screaming But I didn’t know what else to do but put up with every lie And at night I would lie awake and cry I just couldn’t bring myself to leave While every moment you would deceive Some new lie that anyone would have believed About every bruise that I received I don’t know why they believed it in the first place But soon bruises would be able to show on my face And then I know that they’ll see Everything you have done to me Every slap, every hit They’ll see every bit And I’ll prove that I’m not clumsy Just so they know that you did this to me

Why did you do this to me? I trusted you but no, You HAD to take advantage of that love, Of that trust I invested in you… You’ve hurt me more than I can say You took me by surprise, You didn’t listen when I said no! You had me under your total control, You hurt me, you tore me, You took my pain and laughed. You said “I know you liked that” You ruined me, you destroyed me, You thought that you could get away with it Are you happy now? Are you happy I never spoke up? You took advantage of me, you hurt me so deeply, I’m still not healed, I wish I was, But you.. you’ll always be a part of me… Even though I want to forget you and the pain I want to forget all that you put me through. I’ll learn to trust again, someday. Why did you do this to me? I trusted you love…

I wish you would understand I wish you didn't get upset or mad because of the pain I go through I wish I didn't have to Believe me I wish I didn't have to feel so depressed But this is what happened To me Because of it this is who I turned out to be It ruined my self esteem I have bad dreams I have moments where I want to die And I can't help but cry I can't help but feel hopeless I wish you could understand it And maybe reading poetry Of those who've gone through the same thing as me Is my way of coping Is my way of hoping That just one day There will forever be a smile upon my face

My heart is pounding in my head As invisible hands pin me to my bed A ghostly touch caresses my skin There's no point fighting, I cannot win Imaginary fingers twist through my hair Silent words linger in the air My skin is crawling, I can't breathe There's nothing I can do to make him leave I can hear his voice, loud and clear Even though he's not really here I'm as scared as I was back then Because now I'm right back there again Sometimes I scream and shout But all I can do is sit it out I curl up in a ball and hope That one day I might be able to cope I wonder, will I ever be free Of the flashbacks that are still haunting me

Abuse is all I've known. Its the only thing I have ever known. Abuse rape and sexual abuse. I've met all the bastards along the way. None of them any good. Only the ones who have hurt me. And I wonder only one thing. Is there any one good out there? Or was it just me? People say it werent my fualt I dont agree it must have been

the light at the end of the tunnel a beacon shining in a dark stormy night this is what you are to me you pulled me from the dark and into the light when i need a shoulder to cry on a kind ear to listen to my woes a strong back to help carry my burdens i reach out and you are there when i doubt my worth when i doubt being loved when i doubt ever being happy you are there to remind me of the truth you make me believe i am worthy you make me believe i am loved you make me believe i can be happy you give me hope after years of despair

Dejected and depressed Evil thoughts going threw her mind Wanting nothing more Then contentment in her life. Helpless and frustrated With no where else to turn She turn's to her sweet blade And her troubles unfurl. She thinks of the friends once so close Now only seem to bring more pain. Lectures and stern voices Remind her she can't do nothing right. For every friend Who she has hurt she adds a cut And a cut for every time A friend has inflicted pain Weather it was intentional or not Next she thinks of her boyfriends Not caring if they were worth it or not Adding to the growing number of cuts On her pale worthless body. The fights; the tears; the heartbreaks All she blames herself for. She thinks of her family And how despite their kind faces The feeling they want nothing to do with her. For every little disappointment And every little mistake she made' Now the final cuts The one's to end the grief She sinks down in the tub The blood already tainting the water Just another sweet relief. She grips her blade tight Scared of the pain But knowing it will all be over soon She braces herself for the desired relief And hears her little 3 year old niece Playing in her room And she puts the blade down. Not wanting to corrupt the innocent With the image of a bloody body haunting her in her sleep She gets out and wraps in a towel Sinking to the floor and crying her heart out Till it even hurts to much to cry And plasters a smile on her face And comes and sees her nieces smiling face And holds on to her life for one more day.