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What are you waiting for?
A path that leads no where
I look at my life around me
And all I see are all these memory's.
They seem to fly by me like butterfly's,
Trying to remind me of what was.
Though in my heart all I feel is the pain.
I remember all the words, the hugs, and the laughs.
Everyday that passes by I see the changes on the faces of those I've loved.
In many ways these memory's were happy,
Of people and places I'll never see again.
But now as I recall on them to guide me,
My heart wants to cry, and I want to scream.
I feel as though I have been ripped apart by time,
And mending it is a far off dream.
I've taken many steps forward in my life,
But I feel as though I have only moved backwards.
I keep hoping that life will show me my path
That one day I'll know all of what I've been doing is right.
But right now I feel I'm at a standstill.
Like I'm on a path that leads no where.
A path that leads no where
9-12-10
By: Lacie (aka me)
Running from Life
I've tried so hard to protect my heart from getting hurt all over again.
I've spent most of my day's avoiding those feelings for people around me,
Telling others that are interested that nothing could ever be, and pushed myself away.
Only to grow more and more alone every passing day that drags by.
The loneliness growing in my heart to a stabbing pain I can't ignore.
Though through all the stabs of pain, I know I'm not ready to lose myself again.
To risk my heart and everything I hold dear, to break down the walls I've built.
I know I've done wrong, and they are not the only ones to blame for my pain.
I've set myself up for most of my failures, and that's what scares me most of all.
I've fallen and I've tripped, I've caught myself in wistful thoughts and been stuck in the mud,
With jagged cuts and bruses, brokenhearted and bleeding I've pulled myself together again and again.
But now I'm running, running with no destination and no way out of my fate.
I fight every night for what I believe in, I fight so I don't give in to desperation.
So I don't let myself go back to a darker place, a safer place were my hurt can bleed out leaving piece,
Leaving a silence behind to help my damaged heart and heal my pain.
I fight my temptations because I'm not done here in this life, I'm not meant to give in, to give up.
It's funny, I should see my life in a different place; I should be happy, content,
I should see my future with tears of happiness in my heart instead of shards of pain.
I should see myself in another person's eyes, sharing their joys, their love.
As a child I should have learned that happiness in what you make of your life, not what others could bring.
Though as year have passed by, those things seem to drift father from my grasp.
Now stuff of dreams and legends, like being caught reaching for the stars in the sky's at night.
Maybe one day something will change my fate in this life, change my view for the better,
Because I'm running, running from what I fear and am growing tired of running from my life.
Running From Life
8-5-2010
By: wingsy (aka me Lacie)
The calling
My nights are growing longer with every night that passes,
My heart fills with agony and all I can do is suffer silently.
I hear a calling deep within my soul,
A calling I myself cannot answer but only listen as it turns into screams.
I want to reach out but i hold myself back,
I tell myself to hold on, that things can only get better.
Fighting everyday I keep myself moving, Keep myself believing,
That one day my life will be reworded, all my time of solitude amended.
I think about my dreams, Trying to figure out what they truly are,
Trying hard not to draw into myself and forget humanity itself.
Though every morning I wake to my pillow stained by my own tears,
Missing the things I know I will never have, I pull myself together.
The screams still echo within my soul making me feel sad and week,
People walk around me un-phased and unaware of the battle that wages inside me.
This emptiness, The sadness, This need for compassion and love,
I know will only continue to haunt my nights, my days, as I continue to search
For the love that has been forbidden and unattainable.
The calling
5-4-2010
By: me
I use to think life was so simple
God how nieave was I.
I had fallen in love with a man, He was my every dream.
Our cemetery was so strong so intense.
I could not deny my feelings for him, nor could i lie to my heart.
I had traveled a distance to be with him on so many levels,
But he was scared, afraid of what he was feeling. Of what was happening.
I was pushed away, my heart still in his hands.
I was torn in half, One half had to go home though the other stayed.
That half watching unknowingly as his heart too was torn in half.
But little did he know a part of him was forever been placed against her heart.
The space of time had separated them from what they had known.
A life both was to afraid to admit, to afraid to commit.
Words had been said in hurtful anger and pain. of jealousy.
There was no stopping them from turning away from what they had, what they shared.
Still longing for each other they both moved on.
She had found another who had said he gave his heart.
He had found a woman he wanted to be happy with.
She had tried to hid in the delusion of his love, The love he wanted her to feel.
Had told her so many things she clung to, she wanted that love again so badly.
Yet thoughts of him always managed to slip threw her dreams, into her subconsciousness.
He was plagued by memory and feelings of there time together.
She berried her feelings in another mans life, the illusion he had given her.
She felt okay, she felt loved and believed herself to be back.
He had moved and began a new life in a new place.
Until her illusion of love cracked and came tumbling down.
Her thoughts a mess of turmoil and pain, nothing could make her feel herself again.
The half of her heart was once again cracked and there was less of her left to exist.
With his heart still attached to her, somehow it called out to him.
Begging him to sooth her pain, make things better, make things right.
She had thought she had moved on, thought her heart had been given away, was dieing in his hands.
Though she hadn't known it her heart's call had been answered.
They talked threw the night though he was still committed to someone else, he longed for the passed.
Hurt feelings were mended and there friendship strengthened.
They talked about there time they had together, there feelings and there passed,
Things were brought up, things long forgotten yet thought about every day.
Still feeling guilty for his pain, his inner turmoil. She still loved him she found out. He still held her heart.
Though they wished for what was they new they could never have, friends they told each other they would be.
There for each other to shoulder there pain, there worries.
She felt a weight lifted off her shoulders, her heart a little lighter.
She would always love him she knew, always deep down in her heart she still had that piece of him.
Held against hers she KNEW she felt protected and even loved.
wingsy (aka lacie)
03-31-2010
(I'll always love you J)
Can only wait.... to be hole again
The sun lay upon my skin but i can not feel my arms to enjoy it.
The wind may blow across my back but I can not feel its biting breath.
The rain may fall upon my face but I can not feel it tears of sorrow.
The thunder may clap loudly in the sky but i can not hear its cry's.
My body may lay upon my chair but my sole has gone with my love.
My heart lay within my chest but it does not beat.
My lungs continue to take in air but i feel as if I am drowning in tears.
My soul i can hear weep across the winds of time but I can not reach it.
I lay unmoving awaiting my loves return.
His kiss upon my lips and his welcome embrace.
The whisper of promised love and a life we have shared for so long.
I can only await for the moment I have become hole again.
A long awaited dream that only breakes my heart more.
My love stong, my will stronger yet, but his has gone.
My arms will remain empty with time as well as my heart.
as i'm cast down the Oubliette of time to be forgotten, left for only time to heal.
finished march 16th 2010
by: Lacie (aka wingsy/wings)
