angel's blog: "Poems"

When I sleep I have dreams just like everyone else. When I sleep I dream of you. I dream of the day that I can say I love you. I dream of the future. I dream of the day that I can hear you say I love you too. I dream of being with you. I dream of you. When I sleep I see your face. I sleep and dream of just hearing you breath. I sleep and dream just like everyone else. No one else can see what I dream of. They wouldn't understand that I dream of you. Your in my day dreams, the dreams I have at night. Your on my mind all the time. You just have to say one word and I am hooked. If I had one wish. I would wish that you could see me for who I am. Dreams are coming fast these days.

Memories of the past come rushing back into my mind like the water from the waterfall. Good times and bad times. All those times you stood by me. The times of tears and anger stick out most over the times of laughter and happiness. I woke one day to find you gone. Thousand questions flooded my mind. Unable to stand them I found that knife. The one you gave me when you went away for the month. This will protect you. You told me. You were wrong. I just used that knife to cut my wrists. I saw the blood hit the floor. I couldn't feel the pain. Blood sprays the walls. My blood drops to the floor like rain drops. Drip. Drop.

I sit watching friends and family go by. There's something they have that I don't. They have cloths. Food. Air. A car as well. They have jobs and friends. They bleed jsut like me. They have fears. They have a past. They get broken hearts just like me. They laugh and cry. They shower. They shave. They shop for food just like me. They do laundry. They pay bills. They watch television. They surf the web just like me. The one thing they have that I don't is love. Love for each other. Love for another. Love from eachother. Love from another. Love from friends and family. Love for themselves. So why not me?

Happily ever after was just a fairy tale I knew as a child. Mother and father always told me anything was possible. I never believed them until now. When I found you my heart knew. She's the one. For the first time in years my heart and head agreed. I'm opening my heart to you. Will you open yours to me? Right here adnd now is wehre I want to stay forever. I want to show you how I care. You mean the world to me. You show me what love is all about. NO matter what happens you'll always be number one in my heart. Show me what happily ever-after feels like.

You walked into the club and I went weak in the knees. You smiled so brightly I swore I needed sun glasses. Your eyes beamed brightly like the night stars. You looked so cute. I knew right then and there. I liked you. I was shy. I couldn't approach you so I sent a friend. Someone that you and I both knew. I left before I had a chance to talk to you. So I wrote an e-mail. I told you who I was. What I looked like. The simple things. When you worte me back my shyness disappeared. I was excited. I knew that I liked you more right then and there. I can say it now. Want to hear me say it? I LIKE YOU!

The fear of rejection weights heavily on my mind. I know how I feel. I know what I want. How do I tell you? Do I just come right out and say "I like you?" Would that be to forward? Do I just not say anything? Would that be bad? Do I just try not to have these feelings? Would that solve anything? The fear of rejection weights heavily on my mind. I want to tell the world. I'm in love with you. I want for you to know as well. Then my mind replays the past. This one moved away. That one cheated. This one went to jail. That one died. Pain and suffering pleges my mind, body and soul. Your smile brights my world. Your tenderness makes me like you even more. I want to tell you but I'm afraid. Afraid of what you might say. I wish you could read my mind. I want to hear you laugh. I want you to know this. I really love you.

Years of fearing rejection. Come crashing down like thunder during the storm. You walk by with tears in your eyes. The look on your face tells me the story. You know how I feel about you. You don't want to say good-bye but we both know the truth. Haven't seen it in a while. Your smile. You can't keep the game up any more. You need space for a while. You don't want me to see you cry. You can do so much better. Just give it time, you'll heal. You tell me softly. It wasn't supposed to be this way. We were happy together. We started out so happy. I won't miss you. You keep telling yourself. Over and over again. We both know the truth. You'll miss the feel of my body next to yours. You'll miss the sound of my voice. Of that your sure.

Everyone tells me the same thing. Just tell you how I feel. I want to but I'm worried. People like you don't date fat chicks like me. Keep thinking like that and you'll die alone. They tell me. They just don't understand. I don't want to spend my life waiting. I just want to be with you. Stay with you. Laugh with you. Cry with you. Comfort you. You enter my dreams late at night. You're in my thoughts during the day. I smile when I see you from acroos the room. When your around I'm all tounge tied. I smile and say hello. I feel my cheeks growing red. I want to be with you! I don't want to spend my life waiting. I just want to be with you. Stay with you. Laugh with you. Cry and comfort you. I just wnat to hold you. Stay with you. Laugh with you. With you is were I really want to be.