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Now Here or No Where's blog: " Poems"

created on 10/25/2006  |  http://fubar.com/poems/b17719

I met me once

I never knew who I was until I met myself in New Orleans and I wasn't to happy with what I found. I accepted me for who I was and knew I wouldn't be him for very long. To bad he will never know me. I let him die on the street car and I didn't even cry. He as well as I know all things die. Death is a beautiful thing because it is a part of life. Life is beautiful and it is full of death. I am still here, always living, always dying, trapped between the illusions of good and evil.

Godlike

I Never seen the face before I felt The Knowledge of soul, never the eyes, never the mind, never the heart, Always in eternity with a moment by our side. I feel you feeling me in a touchless reality. Here where there is the nothing that everything can be. Here is my existance My creativity.
I sit in the depths of disappointment Hoping for curious and unsuspecting eyes to look upon my words with understanding. I shall show these eyes what I fear to speak about to the people closest to me. The shadow of someone else’s anger covers my soul with fear. I understand, but free will’s curse pulls me away to creative freedom. And here, I sit alone. The echoes of violence from my past tremor through my current situation and my existence mirroring the silhouette of my imagination and memory. Illusion spins through my soul, cluttering the mind already filled with self-doubt. Now, the search for salvation seems more important than salvation itself. Striking the keyboard creates a peaceful rhythm drowning out the memory of screaming voices the subconscious is dumping onto my ear drums. I criticize myself for lack of better expression and wonder if is just that most ears aren’t ready to listen. I sit feeling helpless in an abyss of disappointment.
Why does wisdom whisper within a storm when my heart is torn between blood and choice and anger is what's left of this mind. Why do my tears not fall, when my each and every all reflects back to me the hell I create in the very same world I dream to help. Father when I look you and me in the eyes Why do I not see the truth that I see in every one else but me and you?
All my ghosts are made of dreams as time and balance rip from the seems of a sunflower sundress. I felt life in something destroyed long ago and now that life is gone. I feel death is in the eyes of a man who will never hear the feeling I express. The earth pulls my mortality into the ground as my veins pulse with red wine and anger. Damn God into his own eternal punishment! Why should the Son have to pay the fathers debts? Thank God I cannot remember, for once there is relief however long however brief Even though I know They will never let me forget. Flash and yesterday is today, as I try to escape into a future that is a direct reflection of this past. The father screams, I dream my dreams, I long for something real.
All that I've felt and I have felt the rain tonight falling under the hidden moon, underneath that same blanket of clouds where I have found my home, all alone Nestled in the existence that I for so long denied just as I have denied Heaven. And I have burned my hand once again, reaching for true Love in all I hold dear. The pain I secrete in secret echoes as I weep for those who cannot see, For those who peck with their razor beaks at their own broken hearts and send my heart yearning for unity, Unity of my own broken heart mended with theirs long ago, Now tearing away from mine with every beat of unspoken love. Here I feel forced to stand-alone and my words alone cannot express the truth I feel. Can I paint this picture of emotion, this portrait of Love I have for All, here hidden underneath my flesh, beating its rhythm against my chest Ringing out in harmony with all your separate hearts. Will it be silenced by pride, mine reflected by yours and yours defended from mine?
My soul has felt her call and facing east I have answered, "I am here now." The light of my reflection is cast in the shadows of the past and the darkness of the future, as the waters wake ripples light and dark into waves rushing upon the sands with foamy fingers caressing my feet and ankles pulling me closer and closer to her. I taste her mist upon my lips. It tastes like the sweat of a lover. Pulling me even closer just as she has been pulled by the unseen forces of the sun and moon, her power has pulled and shaped my whole existence and brought me now here. She whispers her sighs of swoosh and hush she fizzles my ears caressing my skin with foam and with the wind she moves in and has pushed from all horizons, now here, on the sandy shores, letting the senses know I am Alive.
Emotion pulls and pushes the soul with the same dynamic tension that propels the universe into constant motion. The laws of attraction and of action and reaction restrict the Energy of the spirit into mass Thought seems as fast as the speed of light and light fills the east. Venus accompanies the rising sun. The full moon sinks over the western horizon in the same morning sky, While gray pushes into the north from the south and divides the east from the west. No birds sing. Winter has stripped the trees but has yet to blanket the earth. Three months till spring. An emotion ignites the comparison of value to worth,and formulates the questioning of the five senses. All is passed onto the soul through these five avenues All that is spirit is brought from the past. All that is heaven, and All that is earth, and All that is hell is known through relative perceptive observation, powered by the spirit and shaped by the soul into a new perception, with the same dynamic tension that propels the universe into constant motion.
With certain Love I face the day I set my mind to peace but I cannot rest, Eros has shot poisoned tip arrows into my chest. What venom is this that enslaves a heart for years and the years to come? What gruesome torture is that of attraction crashing with emotion and energy? The very same unseen force that creates the fusion and passion of the sun burning in the hearts of lovers pulling them closer and closer to feel the unity of the universe.

Life Love and Aging

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock Let us go then, you and I, When the evening is spread out against the sky, Like a patient etherized upon a table; Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets, The muttering retreats, Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels And sawdust restaurants with oyster shells: Streets that follow like a tedious argument Of insidious intent To lead you to an overwhelming question... Oh, do not ask, "What is it?" Let us go and make our visit. In the room the women come and go, Talking of Michaelangelo. The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the windowpanes The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle upon the windowpanes Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening, Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains, Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys, Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap, And seeing that it was a soft October night, Curled once about the house and fell asleep. And indeed there will be time For the yellow smoke that slides along the street, Rubbing its back upon the windowpanes; There will be time, there will be time To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet; There will be time to murder and create, And time for all the works and days of hands That lift and drop a question on your plate; Time for you and time for me, And time yet for a hundred indecisions, And for a hundred visions and revisions, Before the taking of a toast and tea. In the room the women come and go, Talking of Michaelangelo. And indeed there will be time To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?" Time to turn back and descend the stair, With a bald spot in the middle of my hair-- (They will say: "How his hair is growing thin!") My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin, My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin, (They will say: "But how his arms and legs are thin!") Do I dare Disturb the universe? In a minute there is time For decisions and revisions that a minute will reverse. For I have known them already, known them all- Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons, I have measured out my life with coffee spoons, I know the voices dying with a dying fall, Beneath the music from a farther room. So how should I presume? And I have known the eyes already, known them all- The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase, And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin, When I am pinned and wriggling ton he wall, Then how should I begin To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways? And how should I presume? And I have known the arms already, known them all, Arms that are braceleted and white and bare, (But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!) Is it perfume from a dress That makes me so digress? Arms that lie around a table, or wrap about a shawl. And how should I then presume? And how should I begin? Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows? I should have been a pair of ragged claws Scuttling across the floors of silent seas. And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully! Smoothed by long fingers, Asleep... tired... or it malingers, Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me. Should I, after tea and cakes and ices, Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis? But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed, Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) brought in upon a platter, I am no prophet - and here's no great matter; I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker, I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker, And in short, I was afraid. And would it have been worth it, after all, After the cups, the marmalade, the tea, Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me, Would it have been worthwhile, To have bitten off the matter with a smile, To have squeezed the universe into a ball, To roll it towards some overwhelming question, To say, "I am Lazarus, come from the dead, Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all," -- If one, settling a pillow by her head, Should say, "That is not what I meant, at all." "That is not it, at all." And would it have been worth it, after all, Would it have been worthwhile, After the sunsets and dooryards and sprinkled streets, After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor-- And this, and so much more?-- It is impossible to say just what I mean! But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen: Would it have been worthwhile If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl, And turning towards the window, should say: "That is not it, at all, That is not what I meant, at all." No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be; Am an attendant lord, one that will do To swell a progress, start a scene or two, Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool, Deferential, glad to be of use, Politic, cautious, and meticulous; Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse; At times, indeed, almost ridiculous, Almost, at times, the Fool. I grow old... I grow old... I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled. Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach? I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach. I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I do not think they will sing to me. I have seen them riding seaward on the waves, Combing the white hair of the waves blown back When the wind blows the water white and black. We have lingered in the chambers of the sea, By sea-girls wreathed in seaweed, red and brown, Till human voices wake us, and we drown. T. S. Eliot
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