Tweety's blog: "Poem"

FEMALE PRAYER Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend.

HELLO MY GOOD "OLD" FRIEND, > > > > > I'm Fine - How are you? > There's nothing the matter with me, >I'm just as healthy as can be, >I have arthritis in both knees, > >And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze. >My pulse is weak, my blood is thin, >But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in. > >All my teeth have had to come out, >And my diet I hate to think about. >I'm overweight and I can't get thin, >But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in. > >And arch supports I need for my feet. >Or I wouldn't be able to go out in the street. >Sleep is denied me night after night, >But every morning I find I'm all right. >My memory's failing, my head's in a spin. >But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in. > >Old age is golden I've heard it said, >But sometimes I wonder, as I go to bed. >With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup, >And my glasses on a shelf, until I get up. >And when sleep dims my eyes, I say to myself, >Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf? > >The reason I know my Youth has been spent, >Is my get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went! >But really I don't mind, when I think with a grin, >Of all the places my get-up has been. > >I get up each morning and dust off my wits, >Pick up the paper and read the obits. >If my name is missing, I'm therefore not dead, >So I eat a good breakfast and jump back into bed. > >The moral of this as the tale unfolds, >Is that for you and me, who are growing old. >It is better to say "I'm fine" with a grin, >Than to let people know the shape we are in. > > You haven't seen me lately; so I'm sending this recent picture to prove >I'm really good for the shape I'm in. > > > > > > >

While riding on the range one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and began a conversation. Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?" Indian: "Dog no talk." Cowboy: "Hey, dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doin' all right." Indian: Look of shock. Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at the Indian. Dog: "Yep." Cowboy: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real well. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Indian: Look of total disbelief. Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Indian: "Horse no talk." Cowboy: "Hey, horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." Indian: Extreme look of shock. Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" pointing at the Indian. Horse: "Yep." Cowboy: "How's he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty well, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me." Indian: Total look of utter amazement. Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Indian: "Sheep big liar."

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!" "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked. "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man. "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

FRIENDS WITHOUT FACES~~ We sit and we type, and we stare at our screens We all have to wonder, what this possibly means. With our mouse we roam, through the rooms in a maze Looking for something or someone, as we sit in a daze. We chat with each other, we type all our woes Small groups we do form, and gang up on our foes. We wait for somebody, to type out our name We want recognition, but it is always the same. We give kisses and hugs, and sometimes flirt In Palace we chat deeply, and reveal why we hurt. We do form friendships - but - why we don't know But some of these friendships, will flourish and grow. Why is it on screen, we can be so bold Telling our secrets, that have never been told. Why is it we share, the thoughts in our mind With those we can't see, as though we were blind. The answer is simple, it is as clear as a bell. We all have our problems, and need someone to tell. We can't tell real people, but tell someone we must So we turn to the 'puter, and to those we can trust. Even though it is crazy, the truth still remains They are Friends Without Faces, and odd little names.

I was shocked, confused, bewildered as I entered Heaven's door, Not by the beauty of it all, by the lights or its decor. But it was the folks in Heaven who made me sputter and gasp-- the thieves, the liars, the sinners, the alcoholics, the trash. There stood the kid from seventh grade who swiped my lunch money twice. Next to him was my old neighbor who never said anything nice. Herb, who I always thought was rotting away in hell, was sitting pretty on cloud nine, looking incredibly well. I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal? I would love to hear Your take. How'd all these sinners get up here? God must've made a mistake. And why's everyone so quiet, so somber? Give me a clue." "Hush, child," said He "They're all in shock. No one thought they'd see you." Judge NOT.