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Every behavior has a positive intention.
This applies to bad or non-productive behavior as well. With bad behaviors the positive intention behind, called “secondary gain”, is obscured.
Secondary gain is the benefit someone gets unconsciously from a particular behavior that is normally considered to be dis-empowering or bad.
People often resort to obnoxious, inconsiderate and dis-empowering, rude behaviors to get attention, acceptance, love and respect. However, it often gives them results that are exactly opposite to those they crave.
If you can understand the positive intention that is causing a person to behave in a particular, un-resourceful way, you can increase your flexibility and there by your ability to communicate. You can then help to change the unwanted behavior by satisfying the intention of the behavior in a more positive way.
This is one reason why it is important to understand that all human emotions and actions derive from either love or fear and that The World Is Your Mirror, because it helps us understand their motives.
For example, is someone is loud and obnoxious, they may be trying to get respect but their behavior gets them the opposite.
Often times if a woman is rude or bitchy to me, I understand that it comes from fear.
When you want to change someone's perspective, you have to understand their intention, and accept their reality and mirror it back to them so they feel understood. You can start by acknowledging how they see the world and then you can gradually lead them to a new perspective.
