passionsprincess's blog: "Pains Release"

To feel this misery is impossible to stand Now that you're gone where's my soft place to land My angel is now in heaven watching over me She's happy and careless forever pain free So to heaven dear Amanda forever in my heart Our friendship won't end or ever be apart

Lately, I seem to struggle to understand, why things happen the way they do. Why is death so mysterious? Why do some people have to endure so much pain and others seem so charmed? It makes me angry. Life's so short and unpredictable. We're taught to cherish each day, each breath, every second, but no one teaches us how to mourn the ones we lose. I'm so filled with grief at this moment, I don't know what to do.

Love you with all my heart sweetpea, you will get through this and be stronger than ever!

Pandora’s Box what does it hold It’s got some pain, some new, some old Deep inside, a small ray of light Distant memories, of when things were right Running, jumping, no cares or woes Giggles and kisses, no screams or NOs Stolen away, like a thief in the night A precious child, life filled with fright Pandora’s Box what does it hold It’s got some pain, some new, some old

Dusting the cobwebs, from out of my eyes It’s all clear to me now, there’s no more lies There isn’t a reason to cloak the pain Tears still well, flow and fall like rain Clouds slowly now, are starting to part Pain’s releasing, it’s cloak from my heart Occasionally a glimpse, a ray of light Pulling me from never-ending darkness, night Letting the past go, releasing its hold Need to feel better now, it’s getting old Ones that love, have come to surround This mending soul, who’s heart will abound ..One day Chelle - March 2007

Another entry from my diary... SHATTERED CHILD She's broken inside, but no one sees The darkness and pain, life's misery A shredded child, that's lost all hope Someone save her, throw her a rope Smiles on the outside, just for show Hoping and praying, that no one knows The depths she feels, never-ending despair For hopes and dreams, can't repair This shattered child, just an illusion Screams so loud, lost in confusion A heart full of pain, tattered and torn Can love mend like patches, where it's worn These are the questions, of this shattered soul Will someone save her, make her whole

STOLEN CHILDHOOD I screamed so loud, only to closed ears Childhood lost, forgotten years Blindfolded and scared, oh so timid How much could I take, what was my limit Eyes closed at night, started to dream Couldn't comprehend, what did this mean Destined to feel, nothing but pain I cut too deep, nicked the vein Life's warm blood, began to flow A few breaths left, no one would know Ripped from the light, God's healing hand Back to this world, this child did land Angry and scorned, how should I feel Was this supposed to happen, is it all real Help me please, try to comprehend This innocent child, needs the pain to end I was instructed to write, to help myself heal, so here's a snippit inside me

I wrote this a couple weeks ago and every word is true. When life's pain is so overwhelming, and there's no where to turn, something that makes the pain stop, can almost take your life. It's too intense, so much pain It slices deep, just above the vein Emotional tourment, fills every space Physical discomfort, takes it's place For just one second, all is right Pulled from the endless darkness, night And yes, I was pulled from the endless darkness. I don't know why or if I'm happy or mad that I was. Everything is raw and numb right now.

It's not a toy It's not a game It breaks when hurt It feels the pain Slow deep slices into flesh Trails of blood still remain I just don't seem to understand Why I'm left to love in vain

What is a phantom which roams the night, lodges in every heart, but dies at dawn? (Hope) What darts like a flame, is feverish or languid, red as the sunset? (Blood) What is ice and fire, clarity and obscurity, makes you a freeman and a slave, a slave and yet a king? (Love) They all are elusive and hurt you deeply and cause heartache and pain. So why is it that we struggle, to grasp the ultimate entwining of two people's souls, over and over again?