DatGwallaGwalla's blog: "only in america"

10 THINGS LOSERS DO ON MYSPACE One: there is NO SUCH THING as a myspace tracker it does NOT exist. so quit posting stupid bulletins like "OH-MY-GOSH this WORKS!!!" no, it doesnt. TWO: To the people who have like 1,000 friends, are you serious? You don't know half of them. You're stupid. Go play in traffic. THREE: Don't ever post pictures and say "OMG, I'm so ugly" "OMG, I'm so fat" because if you were, you wouldn't post them. And if u do ur a freaking mongoloid. FOUR: Nobody cares about threats over the internet. Don't try to act like you're hard with the keyboard. > FIVE: Quit crying b/c you're not on someones top 8. who cares? Appearently they don't want you on there. ITS MYSPACE. NOT YOURSPACE. SIX: Who really cares if I don't accept you as a friend? MOVE ON!!! Don't send me another request or message asking "what's up with you not adding me?" I don't want you as a friend, that's what's up!!! SEVEN: Little 6th graders who have MySpace and look like sluts, and act like whores go somewhere else because nobody wants you here. And Parents quit blaming myspace for your kid being a hooker, she was a hooker before myspace, and she'd be a hooker without it! What does that say about your parenting skills? Think about it! EIGHT: If you have decided to read this, you are a true MySpace Friend. Real friends read their bulletins. NINE: I say you go and pass this on and maybe it will finally get through people's brains TEN: And if you open a bulletin and it says something like repost this in 100 seconds or a ghost will rape your dog tonight,or some dead skinless girl is gonna rape your mom" QUIT BEING AN IDIOT!! This is a test to see how many people in your friends list actually pay attention to you n this is why fubar is better

bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated > conversation. > > The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is > galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: > > "Emma come first. > Den I come. > Den two asses come together. > I come once-a-more! > Two asses, they come together again. > I come again and pee twice. > Then I come one lasta time." > > The lady can't take this any more. "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," > she > retorted indignantly. > "In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex > lives." > > "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. > > "Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' > Mississippi '." > > $5.00 says you're gonna read this again!

Dear Wife, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be sleep 22 times you had a headache 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby 16 times you said you were too sore 12 times it was the wrong time of the month 19 times you had to get up early 9 times you said weren't in the mood 7 times you were sunburned 6 times you were watching the late show 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us 9 times you said your mother would hear us Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: 6 times you just laid there 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move KEEP READING....... ===================================================== TO MY DEAR HUSBAND: I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did: 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat 36 times you did not come home at all 21 times you didn't come with energy 33 times you came too soon 19 times you went soft before you got in 38 times you worked too late 10 times you got cramps in your toes 29 times you had to get up early to play golf 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running 2 times you had a splinter in your finger 20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book 98 times you were too busy watching TV Of the times we did get together: The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe. Once you read this letter you have to keep it going. This game has been played since 1996. So here are the rules: If you read this on a Sunday, wish for a good week If you read this on a Monday, wish for money If you read this on a Tuesday, wish for love If you read this on a Wednesday, wish for success If you read this on a Thursday, wish for anything you want If you read this on a Friday, wish for a really hot date If you read this on a Saturday, wish for an important phone call repost in 3.5 min. and your wish will come true Make sure you repost in 3.5 min. or your wish won't come true. title it : Why couples don't have sex.... omg soo funny

10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Commandment 1 : Marriages are made in heaven, but so again, are thunder and lightning. Commandment 2 : If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. Commandment 3 : Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand! Commandment 4 : Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen. Commandment 5 : When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is! Commandment 6 : Marriage is when a man and woman become as one, the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. Commandment 7 : Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Commandment 8 : Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife. Commandment 9 : Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband. Commandment 10 : Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished. o again, are thunder and lightning. Commandment 2 : If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. Commandment 3 : Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand! Commandment 4 : Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen. Commandment 5 : When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is! Commandment 6 : Marriage is when a man and woman become as one, the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. Commandment 7 : Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Commandment 8 : Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife. Commandment 9 : Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband. Commandment 10 : Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.

Only in America Body: Only in America.....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. EVER WONDER .... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? ---- -------------- Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while