DreamX's blog: "one of my poems"

Today I walked a long road, Listening to the voices in my head telling me what i did was so wrong The burden tight as a noose around my neck the weight heavy on my shoulders My tears silent within a dying heart Yesterday, stained with shame and a fury diseased cancer tearing me apart And i did not know where to go Tomorrow knows no releif from torment Pain etched into my dirty face with horror in my eyes i reach and hope to unburden my soul But i know, nothing will come with chains and leaden wieghts dragging in the dirt.

You just sit down, reading or watching tv drinking beer, thinking about your bills and the stress your family gives you you just wanted a moment of peace no murder on the news no gunshots or sirens in the streets. You get drunk, remembering back in the day when life was simple and you knew it all Back then when you left home, telling everyone you got big plans. One by one everyone just left. Victim of chance, who knows but they're gone Last you heard, your ex was married 2 kids So you drank your beer, and wished her luck And your freinds one by one were happy, while you just left one place for another until finally you just sat down in your chair getting drunk Wishing you were someplace else. The years, marking their passing, on a haggard leather face, Your hands never clean, full of dirt and grime Too afraid to clean away the tears. You knew there were winners and losers But too late, did you realize, the courage it took to get up every day and start it all again.

How dare you You with your self righteousness Tell me how to run my life When yours is dust in the wind I dont care how rich you are i dont want your guilt money i wont live my life your way i wont give in to your self hypocracy You just pile your blame on me Every day i cringe when your around Caging me with your supposed selflish acts How dare you push me when ive been pushed to far knowing you wont see the cracks, breaking me inside I dont care any more Im sick of your unneeded help Push me one more time and gone Cracked within, angry to the world you alone created for me

I gave up myself. And all i can think. is my last moments with you And i dont know what to feel when everything is confused Tomorrow was never a plan It was only a small hope that i never allowed because in the end it was meant to be broken I just wanted you you to know why When the hurt was too much and the tears were shed i didnt think you would understand When everyone, everything left And i was left alone trying to hold on but slipping away

There is a time, when everything slows down And you watch yourself with agonizing calmness All your actions all your thoughts, Experienced in a split second that lasts forever When all your pain, all your joy in life, comes to you. And you realize how shallow and deep life is. The memories you once thought forgotten stab your heart with its unmerciful truth Blinded by its touch, you finally recognize who you really are. The mistakes youve made,the love gained and lost were nothing compared to the emptiness you feel that every choice made, you become more alone No family no friends. Just a creeping sadness filling the void inside of you, waiting for its moment to take you down with viral life claiming another person. In that moment time slows down, that entropy you call life no longer exists just an empty shell to be discarded.

I stood in the rain tonight Just standing there with my head down letting the rain fall on me trying hard to understand things Inside of me, i felt so conflicted dark and cold like tonight was As if the rain was falling inside of me I was angry and hurt Trying to figure out why everything hurt so deeply Why do i care for everyone when all they do is find some way to hurt me And knowing the pain is being alone Away from anyone who might care for you A fear that it will never get better That i will never feel loved Have you ever stood in the rain at night. Cold, shivering trying to mask your tears and yet letting the world see. It tears you apart, trying so damn hard But every day the rain just keeps falling

Time has faded me away broken and beaten let me sleep to hold my last moment inside Let me hear the last sounds this world gives me just sit here touching my hand let my tears run free they are my memories its the only thing i have left take them to heart and let me be free By Jason Hartle

No one Knows no one knows what its like to be a star fading away a million miles from home the light dimming to nothing No one knows the fall when you were on top as high as the tallest mountains and when you reach out for help but there was no one there No one knows the pain kept inside the self loathing weighing you down The sadness of mistakes on your consience and the hatred of many staining your soul No one knows sorrow from lonliness with tears across your face your eyes closed and mind breaking down No one knows the struggle to get up each day and fight hard for a love that doesnt come no one knows the strength to keep a good bye from their anger By Jason Hartle

There was a moment when i woke up rejected and dejected depressed with a sorrow inside Crying about the days i loved and lost Angry about the end that i never knew crushed and blown away in the wind Living a painful memory Remembering the faces that haunt my soul haunting my last breath as i reach up with a frail arm to wipe the tears away I reminded myself i was once strong invincible invulneraable immune to love year by year i broke down time stood still in my heart crystalized and immortalized fragile Until one day it shatrered the pieces like sharp daggers making me bleed with sorrow By Jason Hartle

I dreamed of a day that i could fly high into the air feeling the wind on my skin the cold bitterness finally numbing my pain I dreamed of a day that i heard a voice behind me and felt a hand on my shoulder whispering to stay strong I dreamed of a day i woke up and my problems were gone the sun was bright and i could smile I dream for this Dream one day