Geneva's blog: "one day at a time"

so it is the middle of 2020 and my mother has to go for surgery on the 30th, the dr said it was lung cancer so he is going in to removr whatever it is, she will be in the hospital a few days, i am concerned about what is going on b ut i know it's best to find out what it is exactly. so many thoughts going through my mind, i am the one that is going to have to be with her and to care for her animals. i am just scared it is or will be something bad. i honestly am worried about it all but i know it's better knowing than not knowing.,....my uncle is also going through some cancer issues, they are brother and sister so even double the worry and concern i am trying to take each day as it comes but sometimes i just want to run and hide away but i know that doesn't do any good.

Just sitting here on a sunday and wondering why life is so messed up? i am kind of seeing someone, but we were talking and he is not looking for anyone permanent, he is on his own for the first time in his life, he's been married 4-5 times can't remember for sure, he told me but i guess it didn't sink in. Anyway, i guess we are seeing where all this goes and enjoying the time we have together. 

I have been divorced for over 15 years now and no one on the horizon as a bf or whatever....i guess i will be alone for the rest of my life except for my cats, my daughter is in grad school and doing well. I guess i just get down about being alone at times. I was seeing someone for 13 years, he friend zoned me and said he had only loved me as a friend.....wow, and he wonders why i ask for the truth.....don't lie to me that pisses me off in so many ways. he and i still tallk if you can call it that, i guess i am just tired of being the fwb, and not having someone that is here for me all of me not just what i can offer to them. i am a person a bbbw but still a person. rant over for now 

i am a pretty easy going person but there is one thing i ask of everyone i meet, please be honest with me. I was in a sort of relationship for 13 years and recently he tells me that he has only liked me as a friend. after 13 years and a lot of stuff he pulls this. then he tells me he is interested in someone and has been for a while. what do you do with someone that can't do the one thing you ask and that is to be honest. even asking point blank i got lied to. 

I will be the best friend and person i can be just please don't lie to me. That really irritates me a lot. I am trying to figure out where i go from here and so far that is one day at a time. all i can do. my daughter is in graduate school so she is a big part of my time and focus. plus i have a lot of cats lol so i guess i am a crazy cat lady......have a super day