HARINBONE's blog: "Off The Wall Shit"

After serious & cautious consideration.....your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2008! It was a very hard decision to make. So try not to screw it up!!! My Wish for You in 2008 May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy. May the problems you had forget your home address! In simple words ............ May 2008 be the best year of your life!!!

There are 7 kinds of sex. The 1st kind of sex is called: 'Smurf Sex' This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face. The 2nd kind of sex is called: 'Kitchen Sex' This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen. The 3rd kind of sex is called: 'Bedroom Sex' This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your Sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom. The 4th kind of sex is called: 'Hallway Sex' This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.' The 5th kind of sex is called: 'Religious Sex' Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular) The 6th kind is called: 'Courtroom Sex' This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone. And; Last, but not least: The 7th kind of sex is called: 'Social Security Sex.' You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy your self. PLEASE DO AT ALL COSTS TO REPLY AND TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN. I have enough problems but probly not as bad as yours.

Children's Meth Checked this on Snopes. It is true. http://www.snopes.com/horrors/drugs/candymeth.asp A very scary thing is going on in the schools right. Th ere is a type of crystal meth going around that looks like strawberry pop rocks. It smells like strawberry also and it is being handed out to kids in school yards in AR. I'm sure it will make its way around the country. Kids are ingesting this thinking it is candy and being rushed off to the ER in dire condition. It also comes in chocolate, peanut butter, cola, cherry, grape and orange. It looks just like pop rocks. Please instruct children to not accept candy that looks like this even from a friend and to take any that they may have to a teache r , principal, etc. Pass this around it could save some family a lot of heartache! They call it strawberry meth or strawberry quick. Special Agent Todd V. Coleman U.S. D epartment of Homeland Security U.S. Immigration & Customs Enforcement Direct Office Line (956)753-4678 Office Fax Line (956)753-4673

Mayonnaise Jar and 2 cups of coffee When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee: A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in>front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes". The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions. And if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full." "The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house and your car." "The sand is everything else---the small stuff" If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you." "Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with your grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal." Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked." "The coffee just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend." Share this with someone you care about - I JUST DID TAKE TIME, MAKE TIME, THERE MAY NOT BE A NEXT TIME!!

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy 's And shyly walked up to The woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. " "What type of bra?" Asked the clerk. " Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?" " Look around," Said the saleslady, As she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color And material imaginable. ! "Actually, Even with all of this variety, There are really only Four types of bras to choose from ." Relieved, the man asked About the types. The saleslady replied: "There are the Catholic, The Salvation Army, The Presbyterian, And the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?" Now totally befuddled, The man asked about The differences between them. The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple. ... The Catholic type Supports the masses; The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen; The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; and The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills." Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used To define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, But couldn't figure out What the letters stood for, It is about time You became informed! (A} Almost Boobs... {B} Barely there... {C} Can't Complain!... {D} Dang!... {DD} Double dang!... {E} Enormous!... {F} Fake... {G} Get a Reduction... {H} Help me, I've fallen And I can't get up!... Send this to All that will appreciate it! They forgot the German bra. Holtzemfromfloppen

She is pregnant, he had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house into her front yard, while he continued to fight the fire. When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest. A photographer from the Charlotte , North Carolina newspaper, noticed her in the distance looking at the fireman. He saw her walking straight toward the fireman and wondered what she was going to do. As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had saved her life and the lives of her babies and kissed him just as the photographer snapped this photograph.