obihayve AnImE FrEaKs Kt45 Gaurdain Maturin's blog: "Obi's movie reviews"

The Bone Snatcher - 2002 Alex, a scientist who hates field-work finds himself in a truck surrounded by sand flies and blowing dirt, bouncing across the desert. What is probably the worst day in his life is about to get worse.... As he clings to his seat, a radio call comes through - four prospectors who disappeared in the desert have been found stripped of their flesh with their bones scattered around a strange rock dome. With no clues to the massacre, things become terrifying when Alex discovers that he and his colleagues are being hunted by millions of creatures united into one horrifying and unstoppable killing machine. As darkness descends, the ground they stand on becomes a living carpet capable of devouring their flesh with every step. Hell has been unleashed... Alright, this is not too bad a horror flick. with that out of the way, i was not impressed with this movie, the cover jacket (above) gave away too much info. millions of creatures united, living in a dome, gee could they be ants maybe? Still the plot was decent, something i haven't seen copied too much. And the acting was ok, not quite first class but not bad. this would be one of those movies i would rent not buy, (i got it real cheap - go figure) sit with a few friends or a loved one and laugh at. There are a few parts that are kinda scary, but only if you don't like insects. overall this attempt at horror rates at a 3 out of 5 tankards.

Good Morning Vietnam - 1987 Manic comedian Robin Williams shakes up 1965 Saigon in the Academy Award - nominated role the critics agree he was born to play - irreverent, non-conformist deejay Adrian Cronauer. Imported by the Army for an early a.m. radio show. Cronauer blasts the formerly staid, sanitized airwaves with a constant barrage of rapid-fire humor and the hottest hits from back home. The G.I.s love him - but the brass is up in arms! Riddled with side-splitting comic bombshells and studded with hot 60's hits, the film depicts Cronauers's raucous Saigon adventures amid a world gone mad. Good Morning Vietnam is a direct hit - the classic Robin Williams comedy. This great film shows how one man can make a world of difference. Change comes slow but it is proof that if one is determined that he/she can make a change that lasts for a long time. Love a lot of the music and the cast works very well together. One of the great Vietnam fictions, tries to show the non-combatant view of the war. Robin Williams is a genius! The comedy comes non-stop and this movie even has a romantic under story slid in, great plot. Anyone who has not seen this flick should set aside the 2 hours it takes to enjoy. For this morale boosting masterpiece anything less than 5 out of 5 tankards would probably start hate mail.

Ernest Goes to Camp Ernest P. Worrell, America's lanky, lovable know-it-all (played to perfection by comedian "hey Vern! KnowhutImean?" Jim Varney), stars as the hero of this frenetic, sidesplitting comedy. The handyman at Kamp Kikakee, Ernest achieves his greatest ambition and becomes a camp councilor - to a gang of juvenile delinquents from the Midstate Boys Detention Center! Not only must Mr. Advice-for-every-possible-occasion wrangle the wayward youths, but he has to save the camp from the ruthless clutches of a giant mining company, too! Comic pandemonium ensues in the laugh riot of the summer season... or any ol' time! Another oldie but a goodie. I grew up with the slapstick humor of Ernest and besides his goes to jail this is my favorite. The cast is well placed and as a youth i always wanted to go to camp. Never got to, however that probably is a good thing because this movie filled my head with all sorts of little pranks to pull. I also begged for a golf cart for years thanks to this flick. This is definitely geared towards a younger audience with the humor style and plot. Overall i would have to give this movie a 4 out of 5 tankards.

Solaris - 2003 Superstar George Clooney turns in a stellar Performance in this "brilliant Sci-fi movie" from academy award winners Stephen Soderbergh and James Cameron. Aboard a lonely space station orbiting a mysterious planet, terrified crew members are experiencing a host of strange phenomena, including eerie visitors who seems all too human. And when psychologist Chris Kelvin (Clooney) arrives to investigate, he confronts a power beyond imagining that could hold the key to mankind's deepest dreams...or darkest nightmares. Co-starring Natascha McElhone and Jeremy Davies, Solaris is "mind-bending". Okay the back of the movie always talks it up. But what was not mentioned was the vagueness of the plot. I walked away from watching this thinking "why the hell did i buy this trash?" The movie was slow, hard to keep my attention to. This might be attractive to some but i have to say that this movie was a big disappointment to me. I usually like Clooney's work but good actors sometimes get caught in bad movies. The ending screamed "make a sequel" as things were left open ended, however i get the feeling that was the plan open ended no closure. Can't help throwing movies out so i just will have to let it collect dust on the shelf with it's 1 out of 5 tankard rating.

The Princess Bride - 1987 Embark on a fun-filled adventure that unlocks imaginations and inspires dreams. A wonderous tale of wit and whimsey. The Princess Bride will transport you to a magical land where fantasy reigns supreme, and kings and queens of all ages will want to return again and again! Long ago and far away, there lived the beautiful Buttercup (Robin Wright) and her "one true love" Wesley (Cary Elwes). With a final kiss good-bye and a vow that he will one day return, Wesley leaves to seek his fortune. But when news arrives that he's been lost at sea, an evil prince seizes the opportunity to arrange his own betrothal to Buttercup. Things certainly do look bleak for the poor, unwilling bride-to-be.... but before she can say "I DO", the courageous Wesley triumphantly returns to battle wizards, warriors, pirates, poisons, giants and giant egos to come to her rescue! Sparkling with fun, adventure, and romance- and featuring endearing charecters played by Peter Falk, Billy Crystal, Mandy Patinkin, and more - The Princess Bride casts an unforgettable spell that will live in our heart - happily ever after. This movie starts out in a childs room, the kid from wonder years is sick and his grampa comes in to read him a story (great idea, i love to read to my niece and nephew). So the movie is pretty much the kids imagination. Very good imagination, special effects are okay but the storyline more than makes up for that. great story, awesome casting and clever writing. TPB has been a favorite of me and my sister for years. I believe it was even one of Andre the Giant's last films, but don't quote me on it. this epic tale will stay with you for a long time, if not for the simple yet witty humor, the wonderfully crafted plot will draw you back time and time agian. Five out of five tankards.

Dogma, 1998 One of the most talked-about movies of the year is also one of the funniest! In this hilarious comic fantasy from the writer/director Kevin Smith (Clerks, Chasing Amy) two banished angels (Ben Affleck and Matt Damon) find a loophole that would get them back into heaven. The only snag? They'll be destroying existence in the process. In an effort to stop them, the overworked Voice of God (Alan Rickman) taps cynical mortal Bethany (Linda Fiorentino) to save the world by preventing the angels from reaching their unholy destination: New Jersey! Throw in two unlikely prophets named Jay and Silent Bob (Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith), the quick-witted yet little-known thirteenth apostle ( comedian Chris Rock) and a sexy, former muse with a case of writers block (Salma Hayek) and you've got a hysterical and thrilling race against time packed with an all-star cast that entertainment weekly called "one of the ten best movies of 1999" Dogma drew me in from the start. I love the ideas set down in this movie. religion is too caught up in who's right and who's wrong, less focused on the ideas of treat others well and learn to forgive. I mean come now, if god can forgive then others should learn how too as well, unless you think you know better than God. The comedy in this movie is nonstop right from the first scene. So today i think i have a better idea and less belief structure in my life today. Personally i'm not a fan of ben and matt but in this movie they did a good job. Jay and Silent Bob however pull this movie together in my opinion. excellent choice in casting overall, good plot (very original), and well it is funny as hell. (Rated R) Overall this movie would have to be a 5 out of 5 tankards.

The Goonies - 1985 From the imagination of Stephen Spielberg, The Goonies plunges a band of small heoes into a swashbuckling, surprise-around-every-corner quest beyond their wildest dreams! Following a mysterious treasure map into a spectacular underground realm of twisting passages, outrageous booby-traps and a long-lost pirate ship full of golden doubloons, the kids race to stay one step ahead of a family of bumbling bad guys... and a mild mannered monster with a face only a mother could love. A family adventure classic from start to buccaneering finish, The Goonies is a treasure trove of breathtaking, dazzling effects and shiver-yer-timbers thrills! Okay, if you haven't seen this movie you really need to crawl out from under your rock. this Classic movie is one of the greats from the 80's inspiring everything from shirts and lunchboxes to games and online followings. So who is your favorite goonie, i am partial to data, his inventions crack me up. When i was little a lot of kids i knew wanted to find one-eyed willy's treasure, or were made to do the truffle shuffle. I probably would be forced to walk the plank if i didn't give this movie a perfect rating. No need to parlay the fact for I loved it. 5 out of 5 tankards for sure.

Maximum overdrive 1986 Stephen king screenplay Get ready for the ultimate battle of man vs. bloodthirsty machine in this terrifying Stephen King classic! For three horrifying, the Earth passes through the tail of a mysterious comet. The skies glow an eerie green as humanity waits to see what the fallout will be. But what they imagine is nothing like the nightmare they find - the comet's magnetic fields cause all the machines on Earth to suddenly come to life and terrorize their human creators in a horrific killing spree. Now, it's up to a small group of people trapped in a desolate truck stop to defeat the killer machines - or be killed by them. Stephen King's work brings chills to my skin. The Truck with the gremlin face haunted my dreams when i was younger. This R rated movie has some cheesy special effects, but more than makes up for it in imagination. The AC DC soundtrack also gives a hint to the time the movie was made, and fits well. subtle little things make this movie scarier than i thought it would be, like the killer ice cream truck, RUN FROM THOSE CHIMES! Well i have to give it 4 out of 5 tankards because the screenplay could have been better given the short story. Dialog and acting fell short.

Reign of fire. When a London tunneling project uncovers an unearthly fire-breathing beast from centuries of slumber, all hell breaks loose. Twelve year old Quinn (Christian Bale) sees his mother, one of the workers, die trying to escape this new terror. Twenty years later as a "fire chief", he tries to keep a group of refugees alive with fierce dragons dominating the air, burning the land, and feeding on the ash. Unexpectedly Van Zan (Matthew McConaughey), a hotshot american militia leader, shows up with a ragtag group of slayers on a perilous crusade to hunt down and destroy the beasts. Tempers flare when there is a struggle for leadership - until both men realize only one species is getting out of this alive. Being a dragon fanatic i am kinda biased about this movie, however they did an excelent job trying to explain how such beasts could actually exsist. The storyline is great and special effects are wonderful. Anyone who loves a good dragon movie this is a must see, it almost is believable in the way the plot is set up. Violence is the only real thing in this movie that gives it the PG-13 rating so kids can enjoy the whole movie if that isn't an issue. I Rate this epic battle a 5 out of 5 tankards.

Orgazmo from the creators of South Park "Joe young (TREY PARKER) is a devout Mormon visiting Hollywood to convert the unenlightened. While spreading the word, Joe is offered $20,000 to play Captain Orgazmo in a porn directors film. Mindful of the financial burdens of his upcoming wedding, Joe reluctantly accepts the role, not certain of what he is in for! Written, directed and starring South Park co-creator Trey Parker and featuring his South Park partner Matt Stone, this hilarious send-up of the porn industry will have you laughing long after the credits roll. Yeah it's a spoof on porn, and it had me rolling on the floor laughing the first time i saw it. This is where i first heard the term DVDA (double vaginal double anal). A super hero porn star, interesting, what made it even better is the all mighty Ron Jeremy is even in it. This movie has no real nudity to speak of so all you who are looking for a skin flick will be gravely disappointed, but if you want a good spoof this off humor comedy will make you laugh and wish you had your own orgazmorator. I know i would love to have one. Although funny it just doesn't quite make a perfect score i rate it 4 out of 5 tankards.