74498's blog: "o ' O .Rachelles Ramblings. O ' o"

"Patiently Waiting" There are so many things I wish I could say to the man I think of everyday.. It all started with a simple "hello" , now all of these feelings inside me are starting to grow.. Something about you just makes me smile, and I feel a warmth I haven't felt in a while.. I imagine being with you and suddenly the world fades away,I want to hold you in my arms and tell you to stay.. You have your life and I have mine, but will our lives ever connect.I won't push but I want you to know, I'll wait for you, because what you do I respect. When the day finally comes, and I can feel your breath on my skin..I want you to put your hands on my hips, press your lips upon my lips and take me to another place.. I long to be apart of you, to feel your touch, to feel the love I've missed so much. Tell me, can you fill that space.... Rachelle Thompson...

TAURUS April 21 - May 21 Ruling Planet: VENUS The Goddess in charge of love, beauty and sex Tureens are ahead of the game when it comes to love coz they are ruled by VENUS, the planet of Love! Taurus has all the qualities a lover desires, including sensuality, loyalty and faithfulness. When a typical Taurus makes love, it's the most physical and natural pleasure in the world. They believe the romantic approach to sex almost always pays off so they will happily cook dinner, buy flowers, and light candles for someone they wanna bang. They don't like to rush things and take everything, including sex, slowly. TAURUS FEMALE IN BED She is great at back massages and sex in general. She makes an art of lovemaking. Just kissing her can bring some men to the big "O". Her touch is gentle and tender, it excites and caresses and when in the mood, she too can go for hours at a time, days on end. THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON TAURUS There’s nothing Taurus enjoys more than having their neck kissed and their earlobes nibbled. Light, feathery caresses up and down the neck followed by gentle licks, will make a female writhe with delight and a male stand at attention for hours.

I thought today, of my hopes and dreams, and was forced to remember that nothing is ever as it seems. When your young you have so many goals, but how many of them actually happen for all the earths souls.. Some of us give up what hasnt yet been tried, while some of us work with every fiber in our bodies and still get denied. How can we know if we are destined to succeed, it seems we are picked like a gardens weed. Its difficult to know what ones life may hold, your constantly wondering what to take up.. For now, I sit here with a fraction of the world, living life in yesterdays make-up. Rachelle Thompson

If you have read my other blogs [bruises of many etc:] then you would know about my relationship with my mother [or lack there of] She's always dont things to tear me down and I have always forgiven her.. in june [haven't talked to her since]..I had my last straw..I am over being there to sacrafice my pain [caused by her]so that she can feel better about herself....or atleast thats what I keep telling myself. Yesterday was her birthday, and maybe some of you would just think "fuck her" ..but she is the one person in my life that I have let screw me over more then I can count and still have a peice of my heart left for her. As I was finishing up the last bit of christmas shopping I found myself looking at things that I would have gotten her for christmas and her birthday.. and it only made me think of the loss I felt. later yesterday I was listening to punch much and heard the Christina song "hurt" ..and being the emotional type person I am I let a few tears fall from my eyes because I thought to myself.. " if only she would feel that way and say those words to me" [if your some punk and think that was cheesy, get the fuck out of my blog] so last night I had a really bad migrane and went to bed early-ish.. had had a pretty mixed up dream/nightmare.. I won't get into detail about the other dreams [I usually have more then one] ..but the one dream I was screaming at her but crying at the same time about how she fucked me up and all I wanted was a normal relationship with her..how it hurts me to not talk to her about things and not say happy birthday or see her for christmas, but I knew that she'd never change and I just couldn't be apart of that anymore.. ..I woke up freaked out..and I've been numb all day sofar.. I'm debating on if I should send her an email for her birthday..of pictures of the kids.. I just don't want to let myself get back dragged into this shit again.. I love her to death but I just can't deal. -Me

ok so lately ive had a shitload of things going on.. all the christmas shopping, decorating, wrapping [well, i still gotta do the wrapping part] the photoshoots i need to get done along with my letter of intent for college in jan. atleast ive got 1 photoshoot done tho [see folder] and all the rest of the regular goings ons around here.. and did i mention i HATE snow!!..maybe not so much the idea of snow persay..but i hate that its messy, and that you cant have snow without the freezing part of it GRRRRR im still frantically trying to get SUPERNOVA tickets from ebay..fuck, you will see me bawl like a baby if i dont go to that concert people, im so serious!! so if you know someone selling some for jan 24th at massey hall [in toronto, canada] ..HOOK A GIRL UP ALREADY! anyways, that about covers my blog recap..so until next time... oh, and comment biatch!!

I cried because you bruised me I cried because you lied I cried because when you hit me, eachtime a part of me died When I cried you thought it was funny When I cried you made fun of me but when I saw you laugh, I knew you were everything I never want to be Now I cry because I am happy Now i cry because I belong I cry now because I am grown, and I know what you did was wrong Rachelle Thompson-MacTavish

Bruises of Many Fourteen years old and leaving all I knew, good bye country life..bring on the new started off good, but what did I do I was falling apart, and it was all because of you... Here comes another drink so Ill get high to ease the pain for I know when she gets drunk her temper goes insane... Please can you help me, shes beating me again my body has been full of bruises since I cant remember when... Her hand is on my throat, Im thrown against the wall why hasnt anyone called the police, please just make the call... Eightteen years old, Im out on a date my mother picks a fight, cause Im a half an hour late... She pulls my hair till Im on the ground then gets on top of me to smack me around... My hair comming out in patches, blood blisters on my face my mother beat me up again, and I feel like such a disgrace... You can bring a horse to water, but you cant make it drink you can bring a criminal to order, but you cant make him think... You may tell me that you love me, but yet you make me cry Im hiding in a corner, just wishing I would die. Rachelle Thompson-MacTavish

Whisper of a Woman in Love ~when you feel like youve had a bad day seek me and you will find me ill brighten your way and if im far away just close your eyes and there ill stay for you my love im never far behind my love is true its one of a kind.... ~the world can be cold and life can be bold you may feel like your ready to choke then you beg and you pleed for some sanity when you feel your at the end of your rope just take a breath and feel at ease for i am always here looking at you looking at me.... ~when you feel like youve had a bad day and everyone walks away... ~my door is always open and in my heart youll stay... Rachelle Thompson-Mactavish

Shadowed Feelings ~I'm dedicating this poem to my brother Ryan, whom we lost at his birth~ Everybody has feelings.. Everybody has pain.. Everyone has a darkness.. Driving them insane.. Those feelings and thoughts.. Swimming in your head.. Some so bad, you wish you were dead.. Don't lurk in those shadows.. You're better in the light.. Don't leave your soul in that darkness.. You have to put up a fight.. It starts with a smile.. First one, two, then three.. Those dark feelings.. They will become happiness.. And you, you will become free... Rachelle Thompson- MacTavish Copyright ©2006 Rachelle Thompson-MacTavish

Hidden Thoughts I was looking at the stars one night and I saw one shining brightly.. I closed my eyes and made a wish that my life would no longer fight me.. How can I hide these thoughts inside, all these feelings of bad and good.. Why can't you love me for who I am, why can't I be understood.. At night I dream someone chases me, all this terror as I sleep.. When I awake I'm covered in sweat, and soon I start to weap.. Won't someone help me, is anybody there, all I really want is for you to care.. Another day has come and gone, I'm lying here crying myself to sleep.. When my eyelids fall I'll dream of the day these things will take a flying leap. Rachelle L MacTavish Copyright ©2006 Rachelle L Thompson-MacTavish