Have you ever heard a story, one of a love so beautiful and so real, that you cannot live without that love? Here is a story of that kind of love, the kind that can’t even be expressed in words, the kind that if you lose that love, your heart is so broken, that you cannot go on.
If you are not a pet lover, you may not relate to this story. If you have ever loved an animal, then you know that losing your pet, is losing a member of your family.
Here’s my story…
Amanda Aaliyah was my mother’s day present in 2000. I remember responding to the ad in the paper and going to see the litter of mini schnauzer puppies. When I saw the pups, they were all just balls of cute furriness…so tiny; they could fit in the palm of your hand. The pups were feisty and giving their mom a hard time, all except one. There was one pup all by herself in a corner; she was the runt of the litter. When I saw her I slowly approached her, she smelled my hand and crawled toward me with apprehension. At that moment, I knew she was coming home with me.
My mom who is far from a fan of the “lap dogs” even fell in love with her. So within months of getting Mandy, we bought my mom a male mini schnauzer who she named Max.
When Mandy was old enough, we decided to let her mate with Max. But it was more than mating; you’d swear these two were in love. Needless to say, Mandy got pregnant and gave birth to a litter of six puppies, three girls and three boys. During Mandy’s pregnancy and the birth of the puppies, I was pregnant with my youngest child. Mandy and I spent a lot of time lounging on the couch watching each other’s bellies grow.
After the pups were born, they left for their new homes. We always knew we wanted to keep one of the pups, and my mom wanted one too, so we picked ours and she picked hers. We also gave one of the pups to my mother-in-law, so three were sold, and three remained in the family.
For some reason, one that I still can’t figure out, we changed our minds about the pup we wanted to keep. Again, we kept the runt of the litter, who I named Lexus after the car that I loved but had to get rid of due to my expanding family.
Lexus had quite the sassy personality and often worked her mom’s nerves to the point where Mandy would have to show her who’s boss. They were always fighting, if you can call it that, because even though it would start off as fighting, it would quickly turn into playing.
During the summers, when we’d all be out in the pool, so would Lexus. She had a thing for the water and would bark non-stop if you didn’t let her in to swim. Mandy would just watch from a distance, and you could almost see in her eyes that she thought her daughter was a nutcase. It didn’t matter though because you could pretty much guarantee that wherever Mandy was, so was Lexus.
Now I will fast forward to three weeks ago. Lexus had a bad habit of finding ways to get out of the yard. She had gotten out several times but always returned home right away. Three weeks ago Lexus got out again, but this time, she did not return. Placing an ad in the paper, several ads online, looking at animal shelters, all proved futile. Mandy immediately went into a depression and wasn’t eating. The ad I placed in the paper even said that Mandy was distraught over her daughter being gone…but unfortunately, there was no response to the ad.
The dogs hadn’t been living with me since I had moved to a rental where pets are not allowed. I had only really seen them a few times over the past year, which is due mostly to me being too caught up in my own life to care about them.
Last night, Amanda Aaliyah passed away. I know that she died of a broken heart. Even though Lexus was an annoyance, her love for her daughter was so strong, that she couldn’t live without her.
My children have lost two pets in three weeks, two family members that have been here for most of their lives.
As for me, I hate that I was not the best mother to my dogs over the last few years. Before moving out, another dog had joined the family and I didn’t give Mandy or Lexus the attention that I should have. What I wouldn’t do to have them scratching at my legs again, begging me with their big brown eyes and long eyelashes to scratch them. They loved my nails.
Lexus still hasn’t been found. Something inside me says that she is no longer with us either and perhaps Mandy knew that. If I close my eyes, I can see them fighting in heaven and Mandy giving Lexus a hard time for getting out of the yard that last time.
This is the reason for my status of “numb” last night. The loss of two family members, the guilt of not showing them the love that I should have, and seeing my beautiful children’s eyes filled with tears, is tearing me apart.
We’ll be placing an obituary in the newspaper today in honor of both Mandy and Lexus. Losing them is unbearable, yet the love that Mandy had for Lexus is something so beautiful that the pain is slightly eased knowing that she is not suffering, and that she is probably with her baby right now.
