London's blog: "Never judge the Cover before looking inside."

In 1996 I attended a sociology class.  The teacher of this class had us write a paper on what Life meant to oursevles.  The following is that paper. But there is only one thing that is different in the paper written compared to the events of my life now,  And I think most of you could figure that out. This may shed some light...

Life: To me, it means...written by London 8-11-1996

Sunday, August 11,1996, I walked to the Fox Theather on Ramsey Street in the town of Banning, California.  The Fox was playing the movie "Jack", starring Robin Williams.  The movie started with the birth of Jack.  Life is birth.

When I was born, my life had begun. As I grew year after year I learnt about emotions, feelings, thoughts, pain and sorrow.  I learnt about right and wrong and the birds and the bees. I learned about English, Math, History, Science and all those other subjects through schooling.  Life is learning.

My life has had been structed by my Parents, Nana, Teacher, Principle, Bosses and Friends.  At times I felt like a computer. Information is inputted.  But because the printer is not hooked up, information is not allowed to be outputted. Leaving information overlapping with other information.  Confused? I am.  Life is confusing.

Is life controlled?  My life is controlled mentally and physically by those who stuctued my life.  Also controlled by the Government, the Public, the Laws and Society. Life is controlled.

Are the such ideas of having set goals?  Most goals are set up to be accomplished by the age 30.  My goals are as followed" 1. a career. 2. a baby. 3. a husband.  4. a home.  I set these goals when I was 18 years old. To this day I have none of these goals accomplished. WHY?...

1. A career is a job that will help you survive day after day.  A career is a retirement plan when you get old. But yet I have no idea what I want to be.

2. A baby? He or she would had been eight years old this year.  But instead, I handed my chance of giving life to a Doctor after fishing the embryo out of a toilet.  Resulting another Doctor telling me, "You will not be able to have children".

3. A husband is someone I would like to love, take care of and spend my last breathe with.  I had a chance of a husband. But he felt, with my qualities, he could find in another woman.

4. A home has been a house, an apartment, a studio, a trailer, a car, a hotel and a room over a restaurant.  Home is where I lay my head to sleep each night.

So, are there such ideas of having set goals?  I don't think so.  Unless I think that life is a goal itself. Life is a goal.

In the movie "Jack", Jack had to write as essay on what he wanted to be when he grew up.  He answered "life".  I agree with Jack.  Life is what YOU want to make it.  Not birth. Not learning. Not confusing. Not contolling. Not a goal.  Or is it birth, learning, confusing, controlling and a goal? Life is what YOU live until death. Therefore, Life is death.

Thank you Mr. Robin Williams (R.I.P.)

The wall had a crack in it.  Love shown through. Love crumbled that wall into many pieces. Tears of mine made the foundation of concrete.  I have the opportunity to gather bricks and mix the concrete.  The wall is slowly being built with others' mistrust, miscommunication of un-told storys and leading persumptions. I have to regain control of my emotions again.  I did have a "love" motion slip out of control.  I guess "love" at the time did not want to be trapped behind the wall. But what "love" does not know, it is the most dangerous emotion bestowed of me.  Thou, there are so many meanings for the term love.  I love my friends, I love my family, I love my son, I love my hair (yes, I know that is weird.  But I do have beautiful hair!) and I love yellow roses and wildflowers.  And of course I love coffee. But the "love" that I am talking about is the thought of finding that true love that could shatter the one emotion that is the hardest for I to control. I learnt so hard to control my emotions and the thought of sharing the one emotion that tends to hurt lives of so many people is dangerous. The thought of sharing that "love" emotion has been an adinfinitum thought.  But the thought of it being shattered like a glass of red wine slipping out of his fingers and hitting the ground scares me.

Last time I put a metal lock on the wall's single brick.  But it was picked and the emotions just showered out like a rainbow after a spring shower into a flowing river.  This time I think I will put in a computer chip and install a password.  Got to try to stay modernized!  Therefore, maybe that emotion will stay locked up a little better, safe and controlled. 

Amazing how small the states.  How far the towns are apart or near.  The landscapes changes faster then the weather could.  Trees comes down and buildings and roads replaced. Untouched forest is the only peace for it's habitat. Mountain tops of wild flowers bloom from the snowtops melted by the summers' rays. 

Traveled I have and seen the beauty of the lands and the people bestoved upon it.  The cultures and beliefs of heaven above. Different styles to cook one meal. Different words of one meaning utter the lips, yet different sounds to the ears.

I have witness the goodness of selves to others and evils of pasts' living today. Sadden by both embrancing the knowledge. Thou feels the lost of common sense is hiding under the American flag and not fly with her.

Roads taken were some fast and some slow.  The fast ones, you seem to miss all. And the slow ones you see all. Only the slow ones with potholes of unpaved gives you a full view ahead.

Pride. they say comes with in and taught from generations to come.  But if pride is on long road and teaching it is one another, will they someday cross paths and connect again? Many roads crossing many roads.

I am not a California woman, nor am I a New Hampshire woman.  I am not a Georgia woman, nor am I a Kentucky woman. I am not a Maine woman, nor am I a New Mexcio woman. I am not Texas woman, nor am I a Florida woman  Traveled I have.  Knowledge I gained.  From the far north east to the far south east. From the mid-east to the mid-west.  From the mid-north to the mid-south.  And to the south west.  Roads of many taken of this American Woman. 

The day I met Kriss Kringle

The snow was falling in big flakes. Picking up in speed as it fell. Oh, such beauty mother nature provided. I looked to the right and not a person in sight. I looked to the left and not a person in sight. Wondering where the other students were. It seem like time had stopped but the snow continue to fall. As I turn my head back to the right, there sitting on the bench next to me was a man.

This man dressed in a matter not of one would not be used to. He had on a long German hunter green colored coat trimmed with cotton like fur. Gold buttons down the front. And a gold twined rope tied around. His face was kind looking with a slight smile through his long gray and white mustache and beard. And his hat was the kind of hat that is told in the story of “The Night Before Christmas”, the night cap. It was the same color as his coat. He was holding a sack in his lap, also of the same color trimmed with a golden twined rope.

“Guten Tag. Wie geht es lhnen? Mein name ist Kriss Kringle”.

Confused look must have overcome my face because as fast as you can turn a light switch on he said, “Good Day. How are you? My name is Kriss Kringle”. I had heard the German Folk stories about the German “Santa Claus”. But to been sitting next to him. I was bewildered and a bit scared. Sensing this, this man who calls himself Kriss Kringle, continues to speak. “I come to bear you well wishes through this winter season. And tell you to place your shoes outside your door of the night before the first day of winter. Then I will fulfill those wishes with sweet goods”. Then he opened his sack and reaches. He pulls out a hand full of candy. He hands the candy to me. “Go home and tell your mother of this”, he says with a smile. I told him, “Thank you and I will”.

I got up from the bench and started down the pathway to my building. The snow still falling. I turned to look over my shoulder for one more glance of this man. But he was nowhere to be found. How could he have walked so fast up the path? Hummm.

I did tell my mother of the man. The siblings of my family did put our shoes out on the night before the first day of winter. Yes, the shoes were full on the first day of winter.

Presently, I proudly tell this story to all who will listen. And I tell this story to my own son, who wants to hear it every year. And I end the story proudly and with a big smile, “And that was the day I met Kriss Kringle”.

Of all the cars I have drove or owned, I have one that will forever remain as my story car. She had a salvage title. She was the Great Pumpkin. My first stick car and had to learn to drive her alone, a bonding thing you know. And she received unexpected looks. Lets tell a bit of two short stories of her life. I earned my first vacation. Oh yeah, Great Pumpkin and I on a road trip! From El Paso to California. Tunes and CB and the windy blowing through the windows. As I entered California up this one long steep hill and I thought no one was around. Before speed limit was 70. I was going 70! I looked over to my right and there was a Highway Patrol. Holy crap! Gonna get my first speeding ticket. The Patrol officer looked at my Great Pumpkin, looked at his speed and finally looked at Great Pumpkin. He smiles gives me a thumbs up and speeds away. After my visit to California, it was decided that I should move there. (second short story) After a few months after moving into California and months of being teased from my brothers. Would you believe that one of my brother's ride was down. He got the munchies. Taco Bell was his fancy. Taco Bell just five minutes away. He ask Mom to use her Del Sol. "No, I have to leave. Ask your sister to use hers." "I ain't going use that car!" Yup, Taco Bell was saying sweet nothing to the munchies and Great Pumpkin was happy to go for the ride! Remind you, Taco Bell was only five minutes away. Brother and Great Pumpkin did not come home close to an hour. Other brother comes home and munchie brother insisted on both take a ride in Great Pumpkin. Another hour later Great Pumpkin was no long a tease but praised! Ah, yes. She was a salvage titled because her former home was a junk yard. Rescued. Dirty orange til she was turtle waxed and became the Great Pumpkin. But it was not the outside that received the looks it what was in the inside. Her life, a 350 engine. Also rescued from the junk yard. After I rebuilt the engine and after some welding adjustments, Great Pumpkin became alive. Never judge the cover because my orange Ford Pinto had inside speed of a Chevy! ~London~