mysticaldreams's blog: "naughty jokes"

sorry men but i hate to admit this is funny!!!! A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of using the restroom. Each time he tried, it was occupied. The stewardess, aware of his predicament, suggested to him to use the ladies room, but cautioned him against pressing any of the buttons. The buttons were marked WW, WA, PP, and ATR. Making the fateful mistake so many men make in disregarding what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons. He carefully pressed the first button marked WW and immediately warm water sprayed his entire bottom. He thought, golly, the gals really have it made..... Still curious, he pressed the button marked WA and warm air dried his bottom quickly. He thought that was out of this world. The button marked PP yielded a large powder puff that powdered his bottom lightly. Well, naturally, he couldn't resist the last button marked ATR....... When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for a nurse. When she appeared, he cried out, "What happened? The last thing I remember, I was in the ladies room aboard a plane." The nurse replied, "Yes: you were having a great time until you pressed the button marked ATR; which stands for automatic tampon remover. Your penis is under your pillow."

A girl had invented a device to cause any car that passed in front of her house to suddenly break down but couldn't find any practical way to profit from it. So, thinking clearly, she set up the device, and as the cars passed the house and broke down, she'd offer the man in the car a place to stay for the night. Then as soon as the man was asleep, he'd be jarred awake by her with his penis in her mouth, and she'd hold a sign up saying "$50 or I'll bite hard!". Of course usually the guy would pay and she'd let him go. Well one day a Newfoundlander broke down, and had to stay the night. Sure enough, he felt something between his legs at night, and there she is with him in her mouth and holding the sign "$50 or I'll bite." The Newfoundlander just smiled and said "$100 or I'll piss!"

Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob? A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob. Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end? A.) So men can be open minded. Q.) What's the speed limit of sex? A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around. Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get. Q.) What's the difference between your pay packet and your dick? A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your pay packet! Q.) How can you tell when a car mechanic just had sex? A.) One hand is clean. Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers? A.) Melt them down to make a tire, and call it a goodyear. Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common? A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

Thorn and a girl meet at the Bar and are instantly attracted to each other. They Party all night and at the end decide to go back to his place to continue. Once there, they get passionate and start to make out. When the time is right, the girl finds the bedroom, gets undressed and gets under the covers of the bed, waiting for Thorn, who is now coming out of the bathroom. He walks in starts to undress and stops with just his shorts on, he reaches into his pants pocket an pulls out a magic marker and hands it to her. She takes one look at it an says, "What's this for, are you some kinda pervert?" He looks at her, drops his shorts, and smiles kinda sexy. She smiles, her eyes now wide open and staring in disbelief at his penis which hangs more that halfway to his knees. She then hears him say, "Your gonna have to draw a line somewhere baby...."