Dravin xZMx Dead Hooker Junkie's blog: "myspace blogs"

these are copys of my blogs from myspace, since i'm done on myspace, i thaught i would move them over here to give you a little better idea of who i am. So enjoy kiddies ...

September 19, 2006 - Tuesday equivilent exchange .... hello kiddies .... and welcome to another installment from the kingdom of shit .... todays episode is called "Equivilent Exchange" ... now for those of you who do not know this belif .... let me school you here the law of equivilent enchange goes something like this ... to gain something, something of equil value must be given up. ... now some people swear by this law .... for some people its given them truly happy lives .... there the ones we'll call the shiney happy people... well from my experiences ... i'll tell you equivilent exchange has given me nothing in return but shit and heart break. for me all i do is give give give .... and what do i get in exchange? well lets see here .... broken heart after broken heart. its straight up bullshit ... i have given so much of myself ... and i get nothing in return .... you know if the saying is true ... and for each relationship you enter into you give that person a piece of your heart ... well i belive all thats left in my chest is a gaping black hole ..... a void .. nothingness .... thats what equivilent exchage has given me, i'm not even sure if i have the ability to love again ... you know i sit back and think were i'll be in 10 years .... and its not a very pretty picture i seenot pretty at all. i see a person .... who is void of all human contact except for the 8 hours a day he goes to work, i see this person barricading himself inside his dark house, the walls painted black ... the windows covered so the sunlight cant reach him, he cant see out, nor can any one look in. this person had friends at one time but, the more depressed he got, the more he shut ev ery one out, his friends finally got sick of tring to break down the barracade he has built around himself and moved on. this person sits at home and every night he looks at the alter of suicide he has built for him self ... on the right side lays a pile of razor blades .... brand new still sealed, with the cardboard protector around the blade, then over on the left lays a loaded handgun , even night before bed this man stares at the impliments of suicide he has speard out on the alter and he thinks to himself just how easy it would be to end it, end all the pain and suffering. untill one day .... the pain and suffering finally overwelm the man and he ends it all .... yes kiddies .... now i know that isnt a pretty picture i have painted for you today .... but that is it, that is a page out of the book of my life i have entitled the kingdom of shit ... well kiddies thats all for today .... next time .... if you all promise to be ungood little kiddies .... i might give you a very special treat .... the secret ritual perfected by me to kill a god ..... well untill next time kiddies have a missrable time ... Currently watching : Trinity Blood: Chapter 1 Release date: 26 September, 2006

I Raped your god .... hello kiddies and welcome to another installment from the asylum ... so today i just got home from work, after working a 12 hour shift, all i was thinking about was getting into the house and hitting the bed for some well needed sleep. anyway as i pull into the drive way i see theres this suv sitting in my drive way, im so tired i really dont care so i just pull in and start heading to my front door. thats when it happens next thing i know the doors spring open on this suv and out get 2 guys in suits and a woman in like a dres suit, well they ambush me before i can get to the front door. i knew it was going to be bad when i seen the pamplets in there hands and a bible. so any way they want to tell me a.bout "God" they go onto there whole speel before i can say anything as in how i'm living a life of sin and shit like that. so any whay there inital speal is done and they ask if they can come in and talk some more. so now i'm tired and realy dont have time for this bullshit so i tell them the only way i'm going to let them in the house basicly is if the chicks willing to let me fuck her in the ass .... well let me tell you there faces all went blank, so at this point i took the oppertunity and told them my whole idea about there preciouse religion .... basicly that the bible was wrote by a band of stoned towle heads, who one day smoked way to much of the funky green shit and got lost in the desert and died .... then i went on to tell them that if there oh so preciouse jeus was a living man that i would personally rape him and make him call me daddy .... well at this point they sprinted back to there suv and sped off down the street .... then i was finally able to get into my bed .... i still have to say that the look on there faceses was priceless well thats enough from the asylum for today kiddies ....666 and all that bullshit Currently listening : South of Heaven By Slayer Release date: 12 March, 2002

an inside look at a troubled mind ..... Current mood: murderous hello kiddys and welcome to another instalment from the kingdom of shit ...... first of all .... i'd sugest if you have a weak stomach ..... or are easily offended but images of blood and guts dancing in your mellons.... i'd stop reading now .... well now i see that got your attentions .... lol ... and now on to the fun stuff .... have you kiddys ever had one of those days .... were you feel like taking that razor sharp sword you got hanging on the wall (mines actully not a katana, but on avarge if you have a sharp sword in your house chances are that its a katana) putting on that trench coat you got in the closet, and then driving down to wally world at around noon, or another fairly busy time of the day, then just walk up to some random person .... and highlander there there ass? (you know .... lop there head off...) well yah i'm in that kind of mood to day .... for some reason people just piss me off to day. now let me make some thing clear for the record ... i'd actully never do this ... but oh how fun dose it sound .... and no the voices in my head arnt telling me to do this either .... there telling me to eat more smurfs ... so were dose this feeling come from ... well i've got a pretty good idea ... last night after work i stopped out at this little bar ... thats off the beaten path .... its a nice place really ... close to home and normally its a good time ... the place is called the wander inn. i tend to frequent this place during the week after work, mainly because its close to home and the regulers are friendly. so any way i stop in and have a few coldys along with a few bombs, bsing with a few of the regulers when wouldnt you know it some asshole tries to start a fight with this little quiet guy thats also a reguler there .... the ass ... no ones ever seen before, well you can probbly guess what happens next ..... being the nice guy i am i walk over and break the fight up before it happens ... so we all go back to drinking having a good time ... or so i thaught the bar tender buys me a few drinks in thanks and so on ... well the next thing you know its closing time .... we all get kicked out. well i walk outside and guess whos there waiting for me .... the asshole and his 2 buddys .... i guess the guy still wants to fight .... but now instead of picking on the smallest kid in the bar he's got his sight set on the biggest .... asshole one kicks me in the knee .... my bad knee at that and i go down with a yelp ... now i'm mad ... i get back up and grab asshole one by the neck we wrestle a bit but we end up on the ground again, i've still got ahold of his neck when his face starts turning red assholes 2 and 3 start kicking me while i'm down ... i dont care the only thing i've got goint through my head is to squeeze harder .... i finally let go when his face turned a nice shade of purple .... his buddys scooped him up and got out of there rather quickly .... so i woke up this morning my arms and shoulders are sore ... i can hardly put any weight on my right knee ... and i just plainly feel like shit, and all this for what? for tring to be a nice guy .... fuck that .... if thats my reward for being a nice guy i think i'm going to turn into the worlds largest asshole ... i just cant figure it out karma must really be playing a sadistic joke on me or something .... so yes this is my reason for hating people ... so for today kiddys ... the saying is .... fuck the world and double fuck that karma basterd up the ass with a double headed dildo ... untill next time kiddys .... Currently watching : Battle Angel Release date: 07 December, 1999

Suffering? Current mood: depressed hello kiddys welcome to another installment of my life ..... well here i am, in my kingdom of shit again, my social anxiety dissorder kicked into full trottle, ive got 154$ to last me till friday, i'm out of smokes, and my gass tank is just about empty. will i make it? yah i know i will. well its monday morning, the weekend is over thank god. why do i say that? well i get to go back to work again today yay! no but really the high light of my entire weekend, was, when joe seen me over at the greasy spoon i frequent, and stoped in to see what i was up to. exciting, huh? well i was surfing the net this weekend and this one phrase i seen has stayed with me for some reason..... "Are you suffering?" ... am i suffering? why yes i am .... what am i suffering from? well first off theres lonlyness, not just the lonlyness from not being in a relationship, but lonlyness just in genral, i mean i have been off from work since friday morning at 7 am and its now monday morning ... and well i have only heard from 2 people all weekend, joe, at the greasy spoon, and liz, texted me to see if i was going to see if i was going to see a show this weekend at the house of rock.... pretty sad concidering ... but enough of lonelyness i could go on with that for ever. what else am i suffering from? well there is also that constant uring for my life to end, wich intertwines with the next one .... pain ... not phyisical pain, i hardly ever feel phyisical pain because of the emotional pain ive been carrying around with me. then there is the constant depresstion i've had now for a while, and then this one i have no clue as to what it is or whats causing it. if i sit here in absoulut quietness like as i lay down to sleep .... i start hearing voices in my head, no not voices telling me what to do .... but just random voices that i've heard threwout my life, and no its not just one at a time there are many voices all in diffrent volumes if i try and concintrate i can listen into just one of the voices, but it takes a lot to do ... and honestly a little freaky ... so thats why i've been falling asleep with either the tv or radio on so i dont hear them.... well enough of that for now ..... and here is just something random ..... you know what one question i hear every day, from random people, who could really give a fuck any way.... the question..... how are you today? i mean really now people i know its a social norm to use it as a conversation starter ..... but come on now, if you dont really mean it, dont ask it. i swear the next person to ask me this question, i'm going to let them have it i'm going to tell them the truth, i just hope who ever asks me this question has a free half hour ...... well enough of my darkness i call my life for this installment kiddys.... remember tune back in, to hear another installment from my kingdom of shit... called my life .... Currently watching : Burst Angel - New Tokyo (Vol. 2) Release date: 12 July, 2005

March 16, 2006 - Thursday My Phone..... Current mood: depressed so yah, today i looked at my phone, and the recived calls list. you know what i realized? in the last month i've only gotten 5 phone calls, besides bill collectors. one was from my mother, and the other 4 were from my friend joe, but the ones from joe i normally miss, because of my fucked up sleeping times. you know thats pretty depressing. i'm soupose to have all these friends, but none of them ever call to see whats up, seams like the only time we talk is at the bar, and latly i've given up going to the bar. the last 2 weekends i've locked myself up in the house and have done absoulutly nothing. why? i dont know, maybe because i'm devloping social anxity disorder? maybe its just cronic depretion, or maybe its just i've died and no one has told me. lonlyness ... that is my worst fear, and my curse. people ask me why i dont date, and normally i just tell them its a long story and just leave it at that. well i've got nothing better to do so here is the story .... well i had been dating this girl for 2 1..2 years, we were getting pretty seriouse , or so i thaught. we were living together at this point. anyway a good friend of mine from high school, just got out of jail, and he needed a place to stay for a while to get himself back on his feet. so we took him in. a couple weeks later i took this friend with me to find an engaugement ring, i told him my plan to suprise my girlfriend, but i didnt tell him when i was planning on asking. anyway about a month later, it was valintines day. i was working the night shit, and well i pretended to go to work. so i go over to my moms house, i took the night off from work, to pick up the ring. well anyway i get the ring and go back to our apartment. i walk in the house, and no ones in the living room, i figure there both asleep, so i go into our bedroom and there they both are. in my bed fucking .... this killed me .... my best friend screwing my girlfriend .... all i could do was leave .... before i killed someone. and honestly thats the reason i havent dated any one since .... i just dont know if i could deal with that pain again .... oh yah and if any ones intrested .... theres a 2300$ dimond ring laying on the bottom of lake wissota .... Currently watching : Desert Punk, Vol. 1 - Into the Desert Release date: 28 February, 2006

my current addiction ... Current mood: blah Yes i can openly admit it, i've got a new addiction, but this one isnt as bad as some addictions i've had in the past. some how it just snuck up and bit me in the ass. and its japinese animation.... i've allways liked it weither it be giant robots battling it out in space, or a samurai wandering around doing odd jobs for dumplings. girls with basket ball sized breasts are nice also.... but up untill recently i was only picking up a dvd maybe like once a month if at all. but recently thats all changed. i just looked at my recent invoices for roberts anime corner store, and well lets just say in the last 2 months i've spent over a 1000$. now its not like i cant aford it, allthough that money probbly could have been spent on something else. i just think i'm going a little overboard ... or am i? anime is a little expencive ... normally like 24$ for a dvd and most series are normally 4 to 6 disks .... now as to whats been drawing me in ... i'm really not sure, i guess it really all depends on the series, some series its the story, like fullmetal alchemist, and hellsing but other series its the artwork, like fafner, and for some its both, like gungrave, gunslinger girl and samuria champloo. Currently watching : Samurai Champloo - Volume 1 Release date: 11 January, 2005

Death? Current mood: blank Death? what exactlly is death? is it just the end of existance? a release of pain? should we be afraid of death? or should we welcome it with arms wide open? is death really a bad thing? Now i dont know about you, but heres my take on it. do i wish for it? yes some days more then others, will i take my own life? probbly not any time soon if at all. now why do i say this? well because i look at my life and what do i see? well i see shit...no, its not my job, i actully like what i do and i get a fairly decent paycheck for an uneducated job. but money isnt the answer to every thing, money cant buy you every thing, unlike what some people think. so why do i think about death so offten? well the answer is pretty plain and simple. its i feel as if i'm all alone in life. and no i dont mean in a relationship or not, thats a whole nother issue in its self, and a story for another day. but what i'm talking about is friends .... no sure i've got friends ... but most of there are really just aquatances, and the people i concidered good friends, i'm really starting to doubt how good of friends they actully are. it seams like as long as were out at the bar were having a good time, but really the whole bar scean is getting old, you know no one ever calls me up and justs asks how it going, anymore. you know some days i think that if i did die some how at home, it wouldnt be a friend thast found me, unfortunatly it would probbly be some one from were i work, either calling a family member to see as to why i havent been to work.witch is really sad. and then i think who would actully show up at my funrale? well i know my family would, but as for my friends? well i guess that would all depend how much booze would be there. well now you might be saying to your self why don't i just go out and find more friends? well yah in a perfect world thats what i'd do, but its not that simple for me. i've been scarred to many times in the past just to let poeple get to close to me. i'm very stand-off-ish when it comes to letting people get to close to me. a very good friend once said to me that the reason people hurt me is that i'm to nice, people see that and then take advantage of that quality in me. so yes here i am, cursed to being alone, untill the day the reaper comes to pay me a call. how fun dose that sound? want to join me? didnt think so .... Currently watching : Trigun Vol. 5 - Angel Arms Release date: 21 November, 2000

February 27, 2006 - Monday simple pleasures Current mood: angry you know, i dont have much of a life. i've got two simple pleasures that untill yesterday i liked to enjoy as often as possable. the first no one can take away from me and that is watching anime. honestly i dont know what draws me in more, the stories or the art work, i dont know for sure, but i really enjoy watching it.. now as for my second, it is kind of lame actully, but up untill yesterday it was going to this local resturant. the food wasnt that great but the regular customers were nice people. i liked going there pretty much daily. it was some place i could go just to get out of the house and interact with people besides at work. and another pluss, is that a few of the waitresses wernt hard on the eyes ... but now yesterday, but now yesterday 2 fuckin cunts that work there obvously didnt have enough drama in there fuckin lives decided to start spreading rumors about my self and and another waitress that works there, that they dont like. and well yah see, since i've taken a vow to live a drama free life, i've just decided it'd be best if i just quit going there. so yah that means that these 2 cunts stole one of my simple pleaseures away from me ..... and what do i have to say to them? may they both get impailed with a horse cock and die a slow painfull death. D~ Currently watching : Shadow Skill, Vol. 2: Brothers and Sisters in Arms Release date: 10 January, 2006

February 22, 2006 - Wednesday just another day Current mood: blah you know you need a new life when the most excitment in your day is going to walmart and buying 5 movies, that you know, your going to sit at home alone and watch. sounds like fun? dosnt it? the 2 things i got to look forward to each day is going to work, and if ish isnt working, going to embers for lunch... something just to get me out of the house and interact with people. but yah i could go on, but whats the point, wont change anything. so i'll just sit here at home and play with my rusty razor blade. oh one more thing .... yeah i would :P Currently watching : Mobile Suit Gundam Zeta Limited Boxed Set (Compete 50 Episode Series and Collectable Figures) Release date: 14 December, 2004