FreakinFreak's blog: "My Writings~"

As I watch the wax drip slowly from the candles side,I gently touch it and watch it dry...Like a second skin it forms on me,Not a burn,Just a little sting.I like this feeling that I have found ...But I need more to keep me aroused.I take a sharp knife and scrape off whats left ,Only to pour more and put my pain to the test.As I lay there with a quiet sigh,I let the knife fall to my inner thigh.I feel the blade scrape against my flesh...This sensation will be my test.I guide the knife deeper in my skin letting the blood flow out from within.As this liquid flows from my body and hits the cold air,I close my eyes to ponder and stare...From within my eyes I feel this slight pain,Not really hurting,It's actually quite tame.I cut once more,But deeper this time feeling the blade cut my insides.I can feel metal as I pull it out,Watching my blood really gush out.I got quite excited But then didn't care,Cause I knew I would now die right then and there.I took the pain,I did past my test... But now They have to lay me to rest.As I sighed one last time and stared at my knife I realized it was me who took her own life.Playing a game,Trying to pass my own test... I lay here now waiting for death~

I wrote this poem awhile back for a friend of mine to give to his ex...She didnt appreciate it at all but he thought it fit her well...For you Shine Shine 409! NAG NAG YOU FILTHY SCAG YOU GREASY SLIMY SLUT,BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS GREEN FUNGUS LIES AND MAGGOTS CRAWL OUT YOUR BUTT.BEFORE I WOULD SCALE YOUR SCABBY LEGS OR SUCK YOUR FIESTED TITS,I'D DRINK A BOWL OF BUZZARD PUKE AND DIE OF THE DRIBBLING SHITS.....AMEN~

Sitting in the darkness thinking Im alone I hear a faint cry calling to me from the great unknown.I look around to seek and find the noises that I hear and see you sitting next to me with a great look of fear.I hold you tight and feel your breath as your face is close to mine and lick your neck and taste the salt from the sweat your body has left.Smiling now I take a bite as I feel your pulsating neck...I close my eyes and drain your blood all that you have left.Your no longer afraid now and never will be alone.For together we walk these lands hand in hand until the sun turns us to stone~

Under the tree we held so dear I come here maybe now just once a year.To talk to you and see if your alone or your found...to let you know I've always been around.My brother I call out to see if you come...to walk with me under the blistering sun.I see your face and your sad brown eyes and all the pains that made you cry.I sit here thinking of your life and the past and know I love you and will find you when I pass.So visit me here like you did when we were young and I will protect you from this blistering sun...that makes you hide in the darkness and weep and know I will comfort you as you try to sleep.I love you my brother and miss you each day and wish you were here for me ...Wish you would stay~ R.I.P. Bro~

Looking at these scars I created and seeing such great design I think of what I was doing in this tormented head of mine.They kinda look like road maps that lead closer to my heart and cutting more each day until my skin just falls apart.I dont feel pain when Im slicing for my blades are rather sharp but I seem to bleed alot and leave a nasty mark.These scars will slowly fade away and make room for new ones to appear and maybe one day I will cut deep enough and just simply disappear...But for now you see I sit here and watch my skin heal and see the old scars slowly...Slowly begin to peel...Away the layers that bind me and hold my inner soul I know Im finally losing it as my eyes begin to roll.I can feel the darkness enthrall me and grab my every last thought on how I had to sit here and slice away my heart~

As they lower me down into this hole in the ground I hear not a peep I make not a sound.I dont try to fight I dont dare for this is my night I need no stagnet air.As I lay with my eyes closed I begin to feel the cold.Closing around me I will never grow old.I hear the dirt now as they shovel away getting thrown ontop of me where they think I will stay.I wish I could see them again I wish I could see...All those fuckin people who said I never could be.Fuck you all now and live your fake life as I am alone and away from your vice.You cant conrol me or tell me what to do,Make me change and try something new.I am a freak and will always be. now your all alone..Alone without me...I lay here now in the dirt within my box where I can be alone within my own thoughts.Never wondering or worrying anymore,Never looking back like I did before.I am here and I am free of that place and now I lay here with a smile upon my face.For you guys will get older and suffer sickness and death I will lay here with my hands across my chest~

Your love enthralls me as I engulf the fumes of what lingers now.Your touch stains my skin as it penetrates into the layers which binds me together.My feelings swell deep inside but never come to the surface for I have a shell protecting my inner being.You know me like an old book that had fallen off a shelf and was left to decay by the elements of time.Always trying to open me but failing miserably.I am in a place where time goes forward yet stands still.I will remain in this tomb I created.I will die in this womb that protects me as a blanket~

My face is painted white as can be~Bright red lipstick for all to see~Hair so black it shines in the night~Black eyeliner dripping in my sight~Painted nails of midnight color~Matching my wardrobe like no other~Boots with heels so chunky and high~Stares from people who judge you and sigh~Suspenders hang from the sides of my dress~Low to the ground they drag and stress~I'm covered in black from head to toe~Not to be a freak or in a sideshow~This is me~This is who I am~I'm not into all your fuckin glam~So stare as you will cause I'm laughing inside~For I am confident~I don't hide~

I'm watching the flame on my candle growing as it breathes oxygen.Like a living being it feeds on the air and needs the darkness to survive.As I watch the wax creep down the sides..Hardening as it flows,I'm mezmerized by the flames as it begins to grow.Watching as the flames dance off the wall I can see evil faces lurking within.And as I watch in deep thought of how I made this flame come to life and the beauty it possesess I keep it lacking oxygen for another day.Watching it slowly fade and suddenly burn out all thats left is a puff of smoke trying to get one last breath in.Choking for life,Gasping for air,I will be back tomorrow again to control this life and how it comes back to me when the darkness falls.

Blood traveling down my arms,Drippings on the floor.I look around and see you there just standing in the door.I look away all shy and frail wishing you didn't see,What lies beneath these fading blue eyes and all the hurt I grieve...Blood flowing quicker now than it did before,Almost reaching where you stood at that very door.You left me here to die alone and this I have no regrets...For as you walked away from me I cut deeper yet~