Jason Wallace's blog: "My Writing"

I'm tired of sleeping alone

I'm tired of being

Of being so faceless, so unnoticed, and so unknown

I'm tired of stupid, sarcastic sentiments

So much sacrifice that only

Gets the return of bad intent,

So fake and plastic

If it lasts, it

Is only to teach me

What all this misery has meant,

Nothing but shit

I'm tired of stupid fucking questions

Of lectures lent

Just to mold me from everything told to me

To make me something I never

Wanted in the end

I'm tired of hypocrites,

Phony fuckers, faking emotion,

Hoping a hand held out

Gets them much more than they spent

I'm tired of everyone knowing

While I'm clueless because I'm not being

What they had in mind for me,

They think I should have my shit together

But there hasn't been enough time to be

Anything but alone, tragically, magically

Melting away, dying to die, trying to hide

That I hate everything about my whole fucking life

I'm tired of guessing what's next

While I'm second guessed every chance that they get

I'm tired of repressing, relenting, digressing

I'm so tired of stressing, feeling there's nothing impressing

About me, about anything, about anything about me

I feel like I'm empty, running on nothing, coming undone

To work ten times harder just to go on in a world so disgusting

Fighting daily to find any reason to continue trusting

While every fiber of my being is busting

Praying I have anywhere else but the only place I've ever known

A place that for many years has not felt like home

Reliving my life in my head, reluctant, unwanted, unending, so numbing

It seems like I'm awakening to the reality that is shit

While so many around me continue dumbing,

Dumbing down, coming down

From any chance of ever seeing how bad this whole fucking world is sucking

I have no hope

I have no home

I have no reason, no need, nothing, not even

A chance of changing the circumstance

Of constant paranoid, perhaps a bit delusional

Usual uselessness and maybe what you think is unusual cluelessness

But I'm tired, too tired to sleep, too tired to care, too tired to dream, too tired to do this

To do my best or even do anything

To do more than live at the bottom when I'd settle for somewhere in the in between

I'm just tired, expired, denied, defied, mired in the muck and fucking fire