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Pain and Reality:
How do you differ the pain of reality from the pain of the mind, I wish I could. Sometimes the pain of the mind overwrites any pain inflicted upon the body. Sometimes it just feels better to self inflict the pain so the mind can rest, so that there is a moment of distraction, a moment of clarity. But then the moment is gone, and it returns. The questions the thoughts, the need to self inflict pain rises again, filling every thought, every notion of common sense is overwritten by a single thought “you need to die” so again pain must be inflicted, be it emotional or physical their must be another moment of clarity, a semblance of peace, a moment of lucidity. So where is the voice of reason? The voice that says you are not to do this, you are not suppose to feel this way, you are not supposed to live with constant pain? What would the rest of the world do? What would you do for a moment of clarity? A moment where you can feel yourself? Without thoughts of pain, death or self loathing? Would you inflict pain on yourself? Or would you try to fight the never ending battle, the losing battle, for no matter how many friends you may have, or how many family members love you. The reality is “you dont belong here”. So inflict the pain and for a moment just one sweet moment. “your safe”
Mirror... Mirror...
At first you seem so innocent sitting there on the wall, staring back at anyone who passes, showing my external self, but as I turn the light on and stare into you, I can see deeper into myself, my flaws, my fears are all shown in their entirety. On the outside I can hide how the real me feels, but deep inside there is a struggle to keep my sanity intact within controls, the mind fights to control the needs to scream to yell, to just burst at the seems with uncontrollable rage and anger. But only you can see that only you know that secret, the secret that this shell holds within itself. So today starts a new day, I will take my deep breath and show my smile. You will keep my secret safe until tomorrow when you show them to me again. One day the secret will be out but for now it is between me and my mirror.
Meaning of a friend.
What is the definition of a friend? Are there special duties a friend must do to become a good friend? How will you know if your a friend or if your just another acquaintance, or somebody on a passing through lane in that persons life. If you are a friend, what then? What obligations do you have towards said person. Can you leave at any moment without notice, or remorse? If said person says your duties as a friend has now been terminated, how are you supposed to feel? And if you are said person how would you feel if a friend does leave, are you supposed to just move on to the next forgiving and forgetting what the past friend or friends have done? Surely one cannot be held responsible for past actions of past friends? If a friend says they have missed you, or that they want to talk are you obliged to say something of the same back? Maybe it is time for us as a people to look inside ourselves and see how we treat other people. There once was a saying that has often been told but has lost its meaning. Treat others as you would like to be treated. I dont think any of us can actually say we follow this anymore.
