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I haven't worked since around 2006 or 2007 and I have decided (although I'm nervous) to go back into the workforce. During this time of unemployment it has been filled with many hard times, and I had a problem with drugs and alcohol and on March 9th I'll have 120 days clean. I did everything except crack and heroin drug wise. It eventually got to a point where it got old and I got tired of it and everything caught up to me. How does one update a resume with that giant of a gap of unemployment? How do you explain it to a potential employer? How do I explain that I'm on probation too? Just at a point where I wanna move forward and look to the future and gain experience. Just has been awhile since I've done this and any help would be appreciated. :)
Dear Diary,
Just moved to Texas! Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the community pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and Sh1ts. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.
July 25th:
The wind $ucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the Fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?
Aug. 4th:
Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the A/C down to 85.
Aug. 8th:
If another wise butt cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. d--- heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my butt was on fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and butt . . . Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried butt, and baked cat.
Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a d--- recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do sh1t for 2 d--- months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this d--- state? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this d--- heat.
Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot to crack the window and blew the d--- windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas . What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?? Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.
Well, my license will be officially suspended very soon so if anyone in my area wants to give me rides, let me know! LOL. Jerks, rapists and murderers need not apply, so if you turn out to be one and when you feel something hard upside your head that knocks you out, I'm gonna tell the cops I don't know what happened.
Things I learned in Jail:
1. You have to entertain yourself in jail, even if that means acting like a total retard.
2. Most of the jail guards are lesbians and have a stick up their ass.
a). It's all the inmates fault.
b). It takes FOREVER to get anything from the jail guards. Ask and you recieve two hours later. If you ask again before the two hours is up it will delay the process by another four hours.
3. The gap in between the shower and the floor is about two feet.
4. I learned what the term "throwed off" means. And, I saw it.
5. I learned that I'm "thicker then a Snicker."
6. Only in jail do they have an item on the Commissary list called an "antishank toothbrush."
7. You really can flush ANYTHING down a jail toliet. Seriously, try it.
8. In jail you have "bunkies" not "roommates."
9. The jail razors will shred you to pieces.
10. I learned what the term "shakedown" means. It means the jail guards search your cell and bunk for contraband. It really means "you wait about an hour in the visitation room for the jail guards to take all your stuff (so what the hell is the point of commissary if you're gonna take it away?) only to find your bunk bed unmade and the sheets and blankets wrapped in a ball."
11. Jail REALLY is nasty. Example: So nasty that there was a Staph outbreak while I was there.
12. Hospital food is better then jail food.
a). No one knows what the item on the breakfast menu "S.O.S" really means, but they have termed it "Shit on Shingles" because it's a hard, flat piece of bread in mystery meat, tasteless gravy and it really does taste like "shit on shingles."
b). They feed you just enough so you're not starving to death, but afterwards you're still very hungry.
13. There's no crying in jail. I never did because I already know that singles you out real quick.
14. You can tell who you want to talk to and who you don't very quick.
15. Other inmates will try to break you by bullying you, but seriously it's best to let it just roll off your back because why spend more time in jail for another charge over a petty fight? That might make me a pussy, but hell I want out of this hellhole.
16. The slang terms for jail are "Hotel Hell" or "The Sheriff's Hotel Hell" or "Motel 6" (because they leave the light on for you.)
17. The male jail guards either are arrogant pricks or have a "der" look on their face.
18. The "yard" really is a concrete hole with a basketball hoop.
19. Commissary is where you order items from a list from the money off your books and wait for them to be delivered to you. It isn't a store in jail.
20. Laundry consists of "personals" which is only white clothing items. Or you do it yourself by washing it while you're in the shower or you wash it in the toilet or sink.
21. Good luck if you have the top bunk. There's no ladders and it's really high off the ground. I'll be the one laughing my ass off at you while you struggle to get on.
22. Lockdown means you go to your cell and the gates lock you in and it only happens during bedtime, headcount, before meals, anytime when the jail guards enter your tank or shakedown.
23. The tank tv channels consist of the following: The evening news, The Steve Wilkos Show, The CW Channel, Criminal Minds (ironically) and So You Think You Can Dance.
24. There's more then one use for a hot pot besides coffee. You can make food.
25. Finally, it was believed by the other inmates that I have something called "swag." Thank you, I was wondering.
So, I was at a bar recently and overheard a stupid airman say I look like a schnauzer. Is this true? And I'm totally kidding!
So, I'm going back to school for my associates, but they have a test called the accuplacer. It tells you if youcan move on to college classes or if you need extra help. I suck at math so I'm wondering if I should take the accuplacer to see how I do, or if I should just sign up for the extra help classes. What do y'all think?
So, I've noticed how butthurt people on here can be. FYI: I have a life outside of Fu and I'd like to think the rest of y'all do as well. I don't sit at my computer all day on fu. I get up off my ass and go places and see people. Anyway, I can't always get back to everyone right then and there to rate back, but unfortunatly, some people expect that for some reason, but then when you don't, get all hurt about it and take you off their friends list. This is extremely hysterical to me. I thought this was supposed to be an ADULT site. Example: If you call or text a friend and they don't call or text back right away do you just assume the friendship is over because of that? I certainly hope not otherwise you have some serious issues!!!! LMAO. And yes, I will step away from my computer without telling anyone. I'm not gonna update my status giving every play by play possible! Some people need to seriously grow up, but if not then that's okay, this is so hysterically sad anyway that I'll just keep laughing at you.
