MrVinny's blog: "My Thoughts & Ramblings"

Most of you know my situation if not check out my blog entitled "My Life" and it'll explain a little bit of what my life is like for the most part.  But for now on to the reason of this blog...Dating.

I was always kind of shy around women and never really did the whole dating thing.  I guess I just never had any self confidence when it came down to it.  But, when I was about 19-20 I started to come out of my shell and found it easier to talk to some women.  Then my health went down hill and subsequently ended up where I am today, in a wheelchair.  It seems as though by shyness is back ten fold and I don't know what to do. 

Every morning as I go through my daily routine with my aide the same thoughts go through my head...Will I ever find that special someone or will I end up alone?  If I do find someone how will everything work out in the long run?  I can do some things on my own but for most part I need a fair amount of assistance.  If I end up finding that special someone what will she think?  Will she be willing to help?  Will she be able to look past my outward appearance and handicapped to see the real me? How will I tell her everything that I am to apprehensive to put here?

I mean a lot of people I talk to say they would date a guy in a wheelchair and I believe them, but things are different when it's more then just a question through an email or instant message.  I am a good guy (at least I think I am).  I am the same guy I was before all this happened to me.  I will never change how I act with somethings or even who I am and would never ask her to do same. 

I guess I am just afraid that most people are going to judge me by my appearance and not take the opportunity to get to know the real me.

Ok, I think I rambled enough for one day.

~Vinny

I wonder if there are people out there that are the same as me.  I am 26 years old and dealing with the average problems every 26 year old does along with a few others.  These are not major problems in comparison to some others I have seen and trust me I am grateful for that.  For every morning that I wake up and get out of bed I am also thankful.  I may not be the healthiest but there is always someone much worse off then I am so again I am thankful.  I may not be able to do alot of things your typical 26 year old does but hey I get by.  I may need alot of help with my day to day things that everyone does so easily and almost take for granted that they can complete these tasks on their own.  Trust me, I was one of these people.  Nobody realizes how much everything means to them till they don't have the ability to complete the tiniest tasks that they do every second of everyday.  Just to be able to wake up and get out of bed, stretch and say "Hello World!" without any help would be a dream.  When I sent out the bulletin where you could any question(s) you wanted and I had to be honest the most interesting question came from a friend I had just meet on myspace.  She asked me "If for just one day you could healthy and not in the wheelchair what would you do?"  To me there was just one quick response and it was nothing I wanted to do.  I would spend the entire day with every one of my nieces and nephews and doing whatever it is that they wanted.  I wouldn't care if it was sitting and coloring, throwing a football or just going out to eat and sitting and talking with them.  It would be there day more then mine.  I miss so much just being able to decide at the last minute to go do something or go someplace.  My life and what I am going through doesn't just affect my life but it also has an affect on every person in my family too.  It's the ripple effect times ten.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't wish or pray for something to help make mine and their lives easier whether it is better or worse for me in the end is not a problem.  My family has to go through everything that I go through everyday especially my loving parents and I don't think it's fair.  I may act like an arrogant prick to them but what child isn't?  My parents don't deserve to have this stress in their life but I am glad I have them and am not stuck with arrogant assholes that would've found it easier to just stick me in a facility someone and only come visit when it was convenient for them.  When I had my first and second surgeries in NYC my parents were there everyday from the time visiting hours started till the time they ended and sometimes even longer.  Then when I was in the rehabilitation hospital (after second surgery) and it was 3-4 hours from home my parents where there every Friday afternoon and the weekends and when they couldn't be there during the week because of my schedule of PT and OT there wasn't a day that went by when I didn't get at least a call.  My parents are not they only ones going through this with me either.  Thank God I also have the backing of six older brothers and sisters (yes, I am one of seven).  And just like my parents they are there for me.  Just like my parents when I was in the hospital recovering from surgery or the rehabilitation hospital building strength they too were there too.  My closest sister in age only lived about 45 minutes from the rehabilitation hospital and was there at least tree times a week even though she had two young children and it was a struggle to get them ready by herself she was there.  So I know that it cannot be easy for any of them either.  I can't imagine having the tables reversed and having to see my youngest sibling going through anything remotely like this; it would tear me apart as I am sure it does them.  Granted there are a few of my brothers and sisters that I am closer too and talk to more but that goes for every family.  This doesn't mean that we care for each other any less then we do for the others by any means.  They mean just as much as the others.  Family is very important to me and I don't know where I would be today without them.

Wow, that was a long tangent.  Where was I?  Oh yeaheverybody has a "Cross" to bear in life and I most certainly have mine.  But what I started out asking was if there were people out there like me?  I certainly hope in the family aspect there are because there is nothing like the strong support of loving, caring and nurturing family to help you through your ups and downs.  My life is what it is and sure I would make a few changes but then again maybe I wouldn't because it has made me a stronger, better person.

You will have to forgive for how the above was thrown together.  I lost concentration a few times and was brought to tears a few other.