In my years, it seems that a lot of my friends and acquaintances seek me out for advice or perspective. And recently, I have been approached on one topic a lot.....LOVE. When will I find love? When will I find the one? Why do I always end up with assholes?
Well, first of all, if you want to find love, let me suggest one thing............STOP LOOKING!!! Honestly, you're just setting yourself up for failure. If you're "looking" for love, you're doing a few things that might hurt you in the long run. First, you're allowing yourself to be viewed as vulnerable, which means that predatory people will pick up on your "scent" and use you to get what they want, or you end up with someone who is also looking for love, which means that they are just as, or even more desperate than you. Now tell me, do you really want that?
I think a lot of us "look" for love because of this saying..........."Love at first sight". Now this saying is ironic because true love has absolutely NOTHING TO DO WITH THE EYES! True, how somebody looks ATTRACTS you to them. But that is lust, not love. And if you have lived on this Earth for any good amount of time, you should know that the eyes are EASILY deceived. So why would you put your heart and eyes up for such easy deception.
Love is not to be found or looked for. It is something you cultivate and help grow and flourish. I don't care how great this person is to you in the first 3 weeks that you have known them, that's not love, that is POTENTIAL. Potential only turns into reality if you put the work in. Elbow grease, work, blood, sweat, and yes, tears to make love appear.
Love is not easy. It just doesn't pop up, you don't just bump into it. YOU MAKE IT! And anything worth having takes work and persistence to come about. Stop with the cliche' bullshit that is too often associated with love. Love is what you make it.
Don't belive me, alright take this example. If you truly love someone, you would be there for them at ALL TIMES if needed. So if the one you love is hella sick, would you be there for them? HELL YES! Now honestly, would you want to rip there clothes off and fuck them silly, with snot dripping from their nose, and they are all coughy and pale and stanky? HELL NO! That's about as simple of an example I can make between LOVE and LUST!
Lust makes you want to do things to the people you want physically. Love makes you want to be there for the people you want emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and lovingly. Regardless of how disgusted or turned off you are about their current conditon. Love is not an easy thing to figure out, but it can be much harder if you keep throwing bullshit factors in that have nothing to do with true love.
But the biggest thing about love that a lot of people misunderstand is their own role in it. A lot of times when people "look" for love, they look for what this other person can do for them, or if this other person is ready for that type of commitment. But the true factor is are YOU ready for that type of commitent, and what do YOU have to offer to somebody. Love is not selfish. You have to give to love. You have to compromise to love. And basically, it's not all about YOU when it comes to love.
Trust me, I've been there many of times. Brokenhearted and depressed, wondering what the fuck happened. And why there is nobody there for me when I really need someone to hold me, kiss me, 'love" me. But I had to understand one thing...Me being in the position that I was in, "Would I date me, or want to be around me?". "Am I ready for someone else's issues, baggage, and expectations?".
Don't make things harder than what they already are. Instead of spending so much time looking for that "perfect soulmate" that doesn't exist, spend that time to improve on those things about yourself that makes you a better choice to be around. NOBODY will complete you, not even your children. You have to complete yourself. The best that your loved one will ever do is "COMPLIMENT' you. Match up in a way that makes things go smoother. But being single does NOT make you incomplete. Lack of knowledge of yourself makes you incomplete.
I can tell you anything you want to hear and make you swoon for me. But does that mean you truly love me and I truly love you? HELL NO! As hard as it might be, you have to take a step back and put things in perspective and be honest with YOURSELF! When you are happy and comfortable within your own skin, you don't have to find company just to be happy. And you notice who is, and who isn't good for you. You won't settle for anything less. Self respect brings about respect from others. Self appreciation brings about appreciation from others. And self love brings about love from others, especially that ONE!
But hey, this is just my opinion......my word ain't law.......
