I LOVE YOU's blog: "MY STUPID BORING DRAMA FILLED LIFE!!"

I'm eating breakfast Sitting in my chair Today there are no bruises on my face And that is rare. I yearn comfort and affection Happiness and love Instead over my mouth I feel someone's glove. A gloved hand Pressing hard against me I can't help it The wails come free. But today it is peaceful All day long I play Making stick figures Out of clay. But now it is tonight And he is home And suddenly I am Left all alone. Where did my mummy go? I hear a slamming door. He picks me up in his arms I start to shriek-can't stay calm. He shouts at me to be quiet Tells me not to make such a riot. Then I feel it on my face-SLAP I feel it on my belly-WHACK I think one of my ribs is about to break I don't know how much more I can take. He throws me on the chair And slowly strips me bare. Why is he touching me there? Why is he pulling my hair? Why are his hands roaming all over me? Why wont he let me free? What is that hard thing pressed against me? I squirm, but he holds me still with his knee. Suddenly I'm in agony I feel like I'm being ripped apart He's breaking my innocent heart. He is making funny sounds And checks to make sure no one is around After making sure he's safe He wonders what else he can take. He's pinching me hard Laughing like it's a game I cry even louder He really is insane. He bends my fingers back Farther and farther they go Snap-Snap-Snap They couldn't take it anymore. Blood is running down my face My lips are swollen and bruised I'm helpless to defend myself I feel really confused. Finally he has had enough He yanks my clothes back on And in just a second or so He has gone. He returns a minute later Holding bandages and creams He roughly cleans me up In the hope of making my cuts unseen. I know why he is doing this It's so my mummy doesn't know Just what he does to me and That the Devil lives at his core. He'll make excuses for my broken bones Tell people I tripped Tell them I am clumsy and they'll never guess I was stripped. My mummy will never suspect She'll never guess what's real Only he and I Know the real deal. 'It's our little secret' He always whispers to me 'And if you tell anyone I'll never let you free.' TWO YEARS LATER I'm sitting on my bed Unable to believe what I've just done I remember his terrible scream 'you think you've won? You're a f u c k i n g psycho We ought to have drowned you at birth' Is what he yelled As he forced me to eat dirt. Now he and mummy are downstairs And I can hear them yell Why oh why Did I have to tell? I can hear thuds now I can hear loud slaps I close my eyes tight listening to mummy get whacked. I wish I had never told I just wanted the pain to end I wanted to know why he never treated me like a friend. Instead he treated me like a rabid dog Used me for his amusement and fun I glance around the room And my eyes land on the gun. I know how to use it I've watched him enough times And if I use it Maybe everything will be just fine. The fight is getting louder I can hear mummy begging him to stop She shouldn't do that It usually sends him over the top. Better to be submissive To do as he says Just take the beating quietly And eventually he's okay. I walk over to the gun Staring hard at it Images flashing through my mind the kicks, the pinches and many hits. The pain as he took my virginity The humiliation as he used me for a game The anger at what he did to me The sadness when I realized he's insane. I pick up the gun It's small and light I know deep down I shouldn't do this But I don't know how else to make it right. The fight downstairs is escalating As I place the gun against my head In just another minute or so I'll finally be dead. I'm going up to Heaven And I plan to ask God why Why he put me through all this pain And why he made me cry. 'I'm Sorry,' I quietly whisper to my mum And before I change my mind I fire that gun. Now everything is peaceful There is no more pain And no longer do I have to Play his stupid games. Now I have two important questions to ask God when I find him: Why did he hurt me so bad at just three years old And why did I take my own life at five years old?

Last night was the most wonderful night of my life. I have never felt so happy. Who would think the person that made me so happy.. let me down so bad two years ago! Its weird how you think you are over someone until someone says their name.. and then your heart starts to ache. So what does that mean that you never stopped caring for them.. or what. I wish somebody would tell me. All girls keep waiting for their happily ever after and it seems that it takes a long time to come! I dont know what to say.. I just know I miss him... and now after what happened I dont think I will ever be able not to miss him!! :(

forced to be next to you has made me think, about lots of things. but most of all.. it made me think about about the last 4 years of my life. i thought about all the lies all the promises that were broken. all the tears that shouldnt have been cried. about all the fights that we shouldn't have had. but most of all, i thought about all the late nights. all the early mornings. all the smiles. all the laughter. all the photos. all the hugs && kisses. when i think back.. i feel good. i dont reget what once made me smile. i know that this wont kill me. i know that not everything goes my way. and i know that no matter what.. you'll always be part of me. <333 your princess...forever

id give anything to walk out that door && never look back. but i know that if i walked away... id come running straight back. i hate that you can control me like that. i hate that no matter what i tell people, i know, i know in my heart, that im crazy in love with you. but i cant take this to much longer. im falling faster then ive ever fallen before.

i want to meet someone... who will call me a cute nickname. who will sit there and just hold me. who will let me call them at 3 in the morning crying. who won't lie to me. who will hug me from behind. who i can trust with all my heart. who misses me when im gone. who is far from perfect, but perfect for me. who will make me laugh till it hurts. who will call me randomly just to talk about nothing. who will play with my hair. who cares about me more than anything. who is willing to put up with all my crap. who will eat chocolate with me. who will sing anything to me...even though they cant. who will call me beautiful, not hott. who will play with me in the rain. who will surprise me often. who will do everything in their power to try not to hurt me. who will lay and listen to music with me. who will not act differently around their friends. who will fall asleep with me. who wont mis-treat me. who can tell when something is wrong though i deny it. who gets along with my friends. who makes an effort to be nice to the friends he might not like. who will call me back no matter who hung up the phone first in a fight. who takes good care of himself. who doesnt care what i wear of i i have make up on. who will not call me names even if i am being stupid. who will be faithful. who will give me butterfly kisses. who will go out of their way to show me they care. who will kiss me on the forehead when im sleeping. who says their sorry when its not even their fault. who calls me when they say they're gonna call. who knows the perfect things to say when im sad. who can make me laugh till i cry. who will tell their friends all about me. who will bring me chicken noodle soup when im sick. who will make every holiday something to remember. who my parents adore. who basically loves me, for me.

Kiss Me!! So kiss me like you did;; My h.e.a.r.t [s t o p p e d] beating. [I]hear your foot step[s] xMove the floorboards above my headx I hope you know that I'm down here [ .Just.for.you. ] How could you do this to me? LookatwhatImadeforyou. make time slower Give me . [longer] . Excuse me [while i fall apart...] Don't flatter yourself sweetheart; L e t m e t a k e t h e w h e e l && c r a s h t h i s c a r . . Do you have to make this so hard? You're so good at [ p.r.e.t.e.n.d.i.n.g ] everything's alright, Soareweplayingforkeeps? <3; Sometimes it's hard to know whats real when you're n o t... Cuz, you know I change myself to impress whoever happens to be [ next to me] But I'm sick of trying s o h a r d .

Never Any Good I'm your toy that never works, the bear missing its head. the doll without a family, and the dog you never fed. I'm your slave without a right, the maid you never pay. the cook you poisened with your words, and the wife you beat today. I'm your camera without film, the crutch that won't support. the pen that never writes, and the problem you can't sort. I'm the clothes on your floor, that you step on everyday. I'm the lies that you speak, and the bullshit that you say. I'm the heart that your broke, the gun that you held. the bullet that went through, and the scream that you yelled. I'm the body on the floor, yes the blood is all mine. i'm splattered on the wall, for all the world to find.

Forget his name Forget his face Forget his kiss His warm embrace Forget the love that you once knew Remember he has someone new Forget him when they play your song Remeber when you cried all night long Forget how close you once were Remember he has chosen her Forget how you memorized his walk Forget the way he used to talk Forget the things he use to say Remeber he has gone away Forget his laugh forget his grin Forget the dimples on his chin Forget the way he held you tight Remember he's with her tonight Forget the time that went to fast Forget the love that moved, its pasted Forget he said he'd leave you never Remember he's gone forever!!

Okay.. How come some guys can say all the right things at exactly the right time?? In a blink of an eye can make you blush.. and give you that feeling of being loved. Why cant every realatiship be like that. Why does it seem that you keep waiting on your true love and you know they are out there but you have to go through so much pain to get to them. I wish every day I could feel that one moment when that one special guy says the right thing at the right moment!! OKAY DANIELLE I KNOW IT IS GAY BUT SHOVE IT!! "

How do you tell your friends you dont agree with what they do? How do you tell your friends that they things they do every day.. are awful and can end up hurting someone? How do you tell your friends that they are gonna lose the best thing that ever happened to them? How do you tell your friends that they are going to break their sister's heart? How do you tell your friends that telling a lie will NOT fix the problem? How do you tell your friends that there will not always be someone waiting for them? All I know is I wish I knew how to tell my friends, because it is eating me up inside!