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To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
1. Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Marijuana'
6. With a serious face Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat.
7. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
8. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
9. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
10. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.
Beautiful site, standing so tall.
We thought that our buildings
would never ever fall.
To our great demise,
within a twist of a tie.
They fell like dominos
in the blink of an eye.
Like the Statue of Liberty
or the Empire State.
They symbolize the freedom
that makes our country great.
Such great tragedy, with no apologies.
Thousands of lives lost,
but millions attend the eulogies.
We love our nation, some more than others.
Like we love our families,
our sisters and our brothers.
"My country 'tis of thee," never just a memory.
We will stand through this,
everyone, from sea to shining sea
-----
Around the end of August 2006, the anniversary of nine eleven was on my mind. I grabbed paper and a pen and started jotting the sultry words of this poem down. Poetry is one of my greatest pleasures in life. It also is one of my few get-aways. My mother has always taught me to go toward what I really want in life. She's my best mentor.
This poem is copyrighted and under my name. It's in a poetry book, and I have won several rewards for this.
For some time many of us have wondered who is Jack Shit? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, You dont know Jack Shit? Well, thanks to my efforts you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Shit is the only son of Awe Shit who married O Shit, the owners of Knee Deep N Shit Inc. In turn Jack Shit married Noe Shit. The couple had 6 children: Holie Shit, Giva Shit, Fulla Shit, Bull Shit, and the twins Deep Shit and Dip Shit. Deep Shit married Dumb Shit, a high school dropout. After 15 years, Jack and Noe Shit got divorced and she married Ted Sherlock and became Noe Shit Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Shit married Lota Shit and had a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Shit. Fulla Shit n Giva Shit married the Happens brothers n had a double wedding. The newspaper invited everyone to the Shit-Happens wedding. Bull Shit traveled the world and returned home with an italian bride Pisa Shit. So from now on, no one can tell you that you dont know Jack Shit...
