Pammy's blog: "My Story"

One Slaves Story: Well first let me introduce myself. My name is Pam, I am 49 years old (at the writing of this). I have been in this life style since I was 17(32Yrs now). Now the story begins. It was a nice spring day in up state New York. So being 17 I wanted to get out go for a walk, so I headed to the park with a good book, and some lunch. I found a good spot and settled down with my book. I must of been there for hours just reading and enjoying the nice day, when a shadow creep across my book, making it hard to see what I was reading. So I looked up for the source and was staring into the most perfect eyes I'd ever seen. I smiled and said would you mind moving out of the sun for me your blocking it. He looked at me and smiled back asking me what I was reading? I told him Stephen Kings new book. Then he asked me if I did a lot of reading and I told him yes I do every chance I get. We then started talking about different books and the ones we liked. When he realized that I never included romance novels as books i read, he commented on it saying no silly romance novels for you then little one and I answered no way they are just that silly. He then sat down on my blanket next to me and we went on talking about authors. After about an hour he said he had to go home, but that it had been nice talking to some one who really enjoyed reading as much as he did. He then asked me if I would meet him here again tomorrow around the same time. I told him sure I've nothing really planned any ways. As he got up to leave I said by the way my name's Pam and yours is? He just smiled at me and said to you little one my name is Sir (now mind you I've never herd of the life style at this time).So I just stared at him stunned and said your name is Sir? He just smiled and said that’s right little one (he kept calling me little one). I just shrugged my shoulders and said ok Sir I'll see you here tomorrow then. He then said be here at 11 am sharp and don't be late I hate to be kept waiting little one. He then told me to wear something nice cause he was taking me to lunch. I told him I would do that and gathered my stuff and got up and left. Well back when I was 17 I didn’t take orders from grown ups very well. And who did this guy think he was any ways giving me orders? Well the next morning I got up did my chores, showered, and dressed down not up. Well needless to say I was running late and never got out of the house till 11:30 and didn't get to the park until 11:45. I found Sir sitting on a bench tapping his foot. I walked over looking I smile at him, but knew by the look on his face he wasn't happy with me. I told him look I'm not really good at taking orders from people least of all from people I don’t even know. And asked him who he thought he was a mere stranger giving me orders and not even telling me your name. What kind of name is Sir any ways I asked? He then calmly explained that Sir was his name to me always, and that’s just how it was. He then got up and walked over and took me by the arm and said are you ready for lunch now little one? I said I was and off we went to lunch. When we got to the restaurant and got seated he did all the ordering even for me. That really ticked me off I mean who did he think he was to assume he knew what I liked and didn't like? Over lunch we talked a lot of getting to know each other better in some ways. I had the feeling there was a dark side to Sir and he wasn't ready to tell me about it yet and I was right. That lunch started a very close friendship between the 2 of us. I never did find out his real name, but I knew he was married but separated. I also herd words like life style, BDSM, spankings and punishments, wrist and ankle cuffs. Words I knew nothing about, but I could tell that they were all part of his life some how. He also referred to me as a sub a lot( what ever that meant ). He was 24 and seamed very worldly to me. Well over the next 5 years we grew closer as friends. Sir also in that time taught me I could do anything if I wanted it bad enough. The key is to wanting it bad enough. I learned all about this life style of his he lived. I was most intrigued by it to say the least. Sir was very patient with me and all my questions got answered by him. After 5 yrs of us being such close friends one day Sir said he would like to take this friendship to a new level. In my mind i figured it was having sex he was taking about, but to my surprise he was talking about me becoming his sub. Well at 22 I wasn't sure if that's what I wanted to spend the rest of my life doing. But I figured I'd give it a try with all my heart. I wanted so much to please Sir. Sir told me I was a natural submissive cause I had it in my heart to please others. So I started my training to become a sub, and one of the first things I learned was about punishment when I didn't do as I was told. Over the next 2 years I learned how to kneel for different things, how to wear wrist and ankle cuffs all the time. I also learned that respect is a two way street. I also learned the hard way never to be late again. If he said 11am it was 10:55 for sure. The punishment for being late for anything was very harsh. I would have to serve him his meal and wait standing near by until he got done. Then I would fix myself a plate and stand at the counter bent over eating and having my ass paddled hard at the same time. And the paddling didn't stop until my plate was empty. What a way to learn to all ways be on time but it worked I was never late again. I also learned about mouthing off to Sir, not showing him respect the hard way. When ever I was mouthy he would have me get 3 clothes pins and bring them to him. Then he would tell me to open my mouth and stick out my tongue and he would place the clothes pins on my tongue. Well then to top it all off he would then tell me to go and get ready he was taking me out to dinner. I asked if I could remove the clothes pins now and he would smile and say no you are to wear them to the restaurant and take them off to eat and put them back on. Well I also learned about humiliation really fast along with not being so mouthy after doing this a few times. To a person not in the life style this all may seem cruel but believe me its not it's just away of life for us. Over the course of 32 years I also learned to be a Dome. Cause Master told me that you have to learn to be both a slave and Dom/me in order to either serve well or Dom well. Like he said how can you be a good Dom/me if you don't know what it feels like being a slave.

The Next Chapter In this slaves Life: After I learned all Master figured I could of being a good sub, Then the training to become a slave started. Let me explain that the road to becoming a sub was not an easy one. Let me also explain the difference here between being a sub and being a slave as what they mean to me. SUB: Is a person who imposes her limits on her Master. She/he is still new so has lots of limits and lots of learning to go. Slave: Is one who has her limits given to her by her Master. Meaning that even if she likes something and it is a limit for her Master it is now also a limit for her. Most slaves have moral limits, such as no kids involved, no breath play, and no broken bones stuff like that to mention a few. Training to be a slave was the hardest training I would under take this far. There were times when I felt totally worthless and would sit in a corner and cry. There were even times I doubted myself worth. But with Masters help I made it. Punishment was the hardest for me cause there wasn’t any use of safe words. Safe words: Words that are used in play meaning to stop or slow down and give me a break. My safe words were always (and still are) Red meaning the play has to end. Yellow meaning the plays fine just give me a minute and then continue. But when punishment was over Master would hold me, forgive me and tell me what a good slave I was and how much he cared for me. I guess I was kind of spoiled by Master. When other girls my age was learning to do things for them self and learn how to pay bills make out checks and talk on the phone to get things done I wasn’t. I was learning the life style. And Master always told me that raising 8 kids, taking care of Master, cooking, going to school, and working was enough of a job for one person, so he always hired house keepers that did it all but the cooking. It’s only been 5 years that I have been doing house work and laundry all by myself. You read it right I said 8 kids. 4 was Masters and mine, 2 were from his marriage, and 2 were foster kids. The kids never knew anything about the life style. For the most part they thought that their friends moms were the ones that were weird. Let me explain, I wore ankle and wrist cuffs all the time but the kids called them mommy’s jewelry and thought nothing of me wearing them. And I use to stand at the counter in the kitchen to eat and they just figured that was the easiest way cause they always wanted something so this way I wouldn’t have to keep jumping up during meals. And sitting on the floor at their fathers feet was just my way of showing our love for each other or so they figured. So see it worked out just great for all of us. As far as punishment and play times it was never done where the kids might see or even hear us. And no marks were left to be seen.

The Next Chapter In This slaves Life: Information: I need to back up some here. There are things that are done to celebrate a sub/slaves progress, it’s something like going from grade to grade in school. When Master took me on as a sub in training I was given a collar to wear and an informal contract was drawn up. There are different contracts for each stage in a sub/slaves life. But a contract between Master and sub/slave is not something that should be taken lightly by either party. But also it isn’t binding in a court of law it’s not a legal contract by the courts, but is legal with in the BDSM community. There are rules and edict that is expected from both a Master and sub/slave within the BDSM community. Like lets say a sub/slave ends up with a Dom as her Master that’s an abuser in the name of the life style then she can like black ball him within the community. It’s like warning all the other sub/slaves out there about him. And the same goes for a sub/slave that a Dom finds is not able to be trained, or keeps breaking contracts or just is a player. We all within the BDSM community have to stick together cause no one else will protect us like others in the community. The law wants to put us all in jail and throw away the keys…………kind of funny when you think about it cause I have met people from all walks of life within the community. The community is growing and the law needs to grow with us or get left behind. But I must say this there is a very thin line between abuse and the life style. But as long as what ever is done to you is done with consent there is nothing any one can do about it. So when I go the Dr’s and have burses on me and makes from knife play all I do is tell her I’m in the life style and she can’t report me to the law. Dr’s are getting educated more all the time about the life style so it is getting better but still needs to improve a lot. Now when a sub is in training she is given what’s known as a training collar and a contract is drawn up between her/his Master/Mistress. This contract will have a lot of things that the Master can not do at first cause the sub is what we a newbe or novice. When Master figured that I was ready I was collared as a sub and a regular sub contract was drawn up. The next step was to become a slave in training with yet another different collar and still a much different contract. Then again When Master decided I had earned the right and my limits were pushed to the fullest and I enjoyed all and would also ways do what I was told to when I was told with out question then and only then was I recollared as a full slave. With a slave bracelet and a permanent contract. Player: To act in a specified manner, to play false (lie). Wannabe: Something lacking a need or craving, or just plays at being in the life style its like they talk the talk but can’t walk the walk. The life style of old is fading away with the new breed of Doms making it to the life style. They don’t understand that in order to make themselves and there sub/slave happy they have to mix real every day life (vanilla) in with the life style in order for it to work right. They think a true slave has no mind or rights of her own. Well to me that’s a door mat and you can find them at the hardware stores. A sub/slave is first a woman, and then a sub/slave. No matter what level in the life style she/he is they should always be them selves. Don’t ever let the life style take that away from you. The true life BDSM community live by a code of conduct that’s really easy to remember Safe, Sane, and Consensual. And yes even punishment should follow these guide lines. SANE: The person is mentally sound, being of sound mind. Knows what they are doing. SAFE: Free from danger , what is happening with not cause death or permanent body damage. CONSENSUAL: giving or having ones permission. There will be a lot of Dom/mes out there that will not agree with me and that’s there right. They feel a slave has no rights and or limits at all how can they, they are only slaves. I have been in the live style 33 years now and have come along way from that shy little girl that knew nothing to what I know now. But learning in this life style never stops you always have more to learn.

After Thoughts: I have learned a lot over the years and am still learning. Just because I’ve been in the life style for 33 yrs. Doesn’t mean I can stop learning or that I know all there is to know. And as anyone I always have room for improvement. I’ve done things within the life style that vanilla people would just be sick over or think I was crazy or just plain sick. I’ve done water sports, I’ve been a rent-a-slave, I’ve done knife play (cutting), bean beat with canes, paddles, hair brushes, whips, floggers, riding crops. I’ve had clamps and plastic clothes pins with and with out weights on my nipples and pussy lips and clit. I’ve wore butt plugs for long periods of time in the house out of the house under clothes. I’ve been tied up , tied down ,done fire play ,been denied the pleasure of cumin for months on end. But to me its all normal and I don’t know any other way of living my life. Any good Dom knows the gift given him of submission is a gift not be taken lightly or abused. It is given them freely. Respect is a two way street to get respect you have to fist earn it. So all those Doms that demand a sub/slave call him Sir on only talking with them once are all losers, in my book. I have never in my life by any of my Masters been made to call a Dom Sir unless he has earned my respect. I was trained respect is earned not just given and to get my respect I have to trust you. A lot of this life style is based on trust. I love having my life controlled for me in away that only the life style can provide me. It’s in my blood being a slave it’s just the natural thing for me. Well this is the end of one part of my life and I’ll be starting on the other part soon.

Final Chapter (but not over) Wrapping It All up: This all happened over the last 33 years and I don’t have any regrets of learning all I’ve learned. The only regret I have in my life is the fact that Master was killed Five years ago by a drunk driver. I lost everything and life as I knew it was changed and follow a rough road. I even lost the will to go on at first but then I remembered that Master would want me to be the best at what ever I did. His memories kept me going over the next five years. After I got over the shock I packed what was left and moved to PA. It was rough at first in a small town not knowing any one. But I made it and after a month I had 3 jobs and then ended up with 1 of them full time. I was again happy, well as happy as I could be. I was on the hunt for a Master. And wouldn’t settle for just any old Master to fill the void. After a lot of interviewing and emailing a lot of Doms from all over I thought I found one that was right for me!!!!! Well to my surprise after he was with me for a week I knew I had made a very bad mistake and had to get this jerk (abuser) out of my life and fast. So I asked him for my release and was granted it. He then left to terrorize another. He ended up back in Fla. with her. We did keep in contact for a very long time with each other. Then I met this couple that was looking for a female slave to come and life with them. They were married and the wife was his slave but sick and couldn’t do as much any more. That’s why they we looking for another slave to come and help out. Well he collared me and came to get me and all my stuff and away I went to live in their spare room in the basement. Their daughter was moving out and the wife was helping her pack. Well after I got there and talked to the wife alone I found out she didn’t want another slave there it was his idea. So needless to say she wasn’t happy at all. So when they packed up their daughter who was moving far away she went with her saying she was only staying till the daughter got settled in. Well after a week she called and talked to Master and told him unless he got rid of me she wasn’t ever coming home. So he decided to put me out. Now mind you I didn’t have a job yet nor any money. Well I went and sold the computer Master had bought me before he died and got 300 dollars for it. I also found a room in a boarding house in town and with the help of the Dom moved in. The 300 hundred lasted me for a bout a month then I was broke again. And facing being put out on the street. I did get help for another month from one of the churches. Well in the mean time I had gotten collared by a Dom in Aussie and it was long distance but it was fine I found purpose in my life once again. Then the Dom that came to me from Florida herd of the spot I was in and offered me to come and live with him and his slave. I was happy at this stage to do just that. So he drove all the way to Pa. And packed my stuff in his car and brought me back to Florida. His sub was really cool. She had her own in home business of a rent-a-slave. We got along great. Because I didn’t have any money I had room and board and all I had to do was clean the kitchen and cook the meals. It was really easy and we all got along for all most 2 months. Then a Dom came into my life but he came into it the round about way. He had applied to rent my girl friend for the week end. And when he came to pick her up at the house met me. Well we had gotten talking and he showed me the new paddle he had gotten just for the weekend. It was leather and looked like a ping pong paddle. I told him I would love to feel that and he said that when he brought her back home that we could have a session. I told him I would have to ask my Master first. And he said that’s fine. So I had talked to my Master by messenger on line and he said yes but no playing just a session. I agreed and so when he brought my girl friend home I told and he said great. So we had 2 half hour sessions and it was great. I then cooked dinner for us all and after my girl friend went off to do her own thing leaving the Dom alone with me. Well we talked for hours and I could tell he didn’t want to leave and I knew I didn’t want him to leave. But leave he did. But I knew he was the Master for me. So for 2 weeks I never herd anything from him. And one day I was on line and he messaged me and we started talking then he called me on the phone and I offered myself to him as only a slave can. He accepted and came down that weekend and we had a collaring ceremony. Then he took me off to Orlando for us to be alone. Within a month Master J had moved in with me. At first things were fine. But my girl friend was so very jealous of me having Master J as my master that she was always causing trouble for me. I was getting punished for things she started cause Master J never herd what or how she said things to me just my remarks back to her. So I spent a lot of time being punished and she knew it was all because of her. Well that was all over 2 years ago now and Master J and I are still Master and slave. But not for much longer I am afraid. And that’s do to his failing heath, he has decided to send me away. Only so I don’t see him get sicker and dieing. He don’t want to put me through that again. So soon I will be moving on. Don’t get me wrong its not because Master J don’t care about me that he’s sending me away. He wants to make sure I have another Master before he dies. And that I am well taken care of. I just hope it goes smoother than in the past when I was interviewing Doms to be my Master.

My choice My life I need to address this for those that think I was brain washed by someone I chose to live my life my way..........If you don't understand the BDSM life style then you will never understand where I am coming from. Becoming his slave was 2nd to falling in love with each other and after all I was 17 when we met and I could of at any time have walked away I didnt I made a choice to stay and enjoy the life style I ventured on. If it was now and not back then I met him I would still take the same venture.......you never know what you like and dont like until you try it..........and as for taking control it was nice I had no worries about nothing he took care of it all for me and the kids. The best thing I can say is for those of you that have read this all with a closed mind oh well and to all the others if you are wanting to understand more read sm101 and that should help you understand more. thanks to all who have read my journal and left comments Pam

This is a story of one slaves journey into the life style: First I want to thank all my sisters in the life style that went on to become my friends. I also want to thank all The Dom's that were never my Master but was always there for my endless questions. And also stood by me no matter what. I want to thank shylittleheart for being my sis and friend, for sharing her life with me all of it the good and bad, as I did with mine. With out her joking about writing a story about the life style this one would of never came about. Also special thanks to my best friend, sis Bev. who has taught me so much and listened to me endlessly when ever I needed a shoulder to cry on.