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The Girl with No Name
written by Ashley Nichole DePew
aka SexiChica88
My eyes are watering as my fists clench harder.
I'm sick of this shit, sick of being the martyr.
I can't find my way back to peace and tranquility.
I want it, I need it, I long for the day.
I search for the hope that my life will become something.
I hope for the life that I know time will bring.
I beg whatevers out there for more time to look.
My life's not a fairytale inside a book.
The answers are everywhere I'm finding each day.
I'm sick of the lies and all of the hate.
I lay in my bed drenched with sweat, blood, and tears.
I've done it. It's over. My biggest fear.
I've tossled the thoughts in my head for days.
No longer will I be the girl with no name.
You'll remember me.
You'll want me.
You'll think of me daily.
I will be there haunting you every step of the way.
I know what I'm doing and it will all be ok.
As I said, I will no longer be the girl with no name.
Hey everyone,
I am so so sorry I haven't been able to be on lately. As the ones of you who are close to me already know my laptop completely crashed.. I moved out of my apartment back in with the 'rents bc of personal issues. I am now working full time and overtime to get myself a new car and a place of my own all while taking care of the baby and helping raise my siblings. I miss you guys all so much and I get on and check my stuff whenever possible. I have a new man in my life. His name is Danny but everyone calls him Boda. He is awesome. We've been seeing each other for almost a month now. I have made some new friends out here as well. I was WAY depressed because I was so far away from my family and friends that I'd known forever but I'm doing MUCH better now. I will continue to check in and let you guys know what is up. Just ask me anything you guys wanna know and I'll be sure to answer! Please don't forget about me. I am doing the best I can!
WITH ALL MY HEART
Ashley Nichole
aka
Sexichica88
HI... My name is Ashley Nichole. I go by Sexichica88 on this site.
My friends call me sexi or chica.
I am the "Queen" of STFU (Sexi Twisted Females Uncensored)
We are a group of women who's sole purpose is to love each other and have each others backs.. We are here not to fight with other groups but to embrace the friendships and love from everyone in our group. However we are not afraid to back each other up and tell you to STFU if you give any of us problems. We are family. We do whatever it takes to make our members feel welcome.
STFU is growing day by day. Our members are made to feel loved and important. They are made to feel like they're not alone which everyone knows is something that they want to feel. We don't claim to be better than anyone else. We don't claim to be anything but ourselves. We accept all and we love having new members.
PinkSugar is my number 2 STFU girl. She is an AMAZING woman who I would say would go above and beyond for anyone. She has a HUGE heart and a GREAT personality. She has been named my number 2 for being reliable and someone who has ALWAYS been there for me. If you have any questions or need anything and can't get ahold of me then hit her up!
All of the STFU girls are in my family so if you would like to be a part of a WONDERFUL family of fantastic women the let one of us know and we'll tell you how!
We also have STFU GUARDIANS which are men on the site who have our backs and who spoil us rotten haha! So if you are a man and you would like to help us out, let me or Pink know!
Thanks so much for taking the time and getting to know what STFU is really about... any questions or interested in joining? Let me know!
~STFU 4 LIFE~
Sexichica88
Take a Bow
(By Ashley Nichole)
aka Sexichica88
Why can't you be the one I run to when I'm broken?
You're never there when I need you, I have nothing.
Who I am is never good enough for your high standards.
I don't know what to do.
Why can't I be mad at you?
All I ever wanted was for us to be real.
All that I need is time to heal.
It doesn't matter where life takes me now.
You've officially hurt me, hope you're happy, take a bow.
You say that you've been there from the start.
Just drive another dagger in my lifeless heart.
How much longer are you going to try?
This life is over for me, I'm useless, ready to die.
The pain can't grow any stronger.
I need you in my life more than ever.
One last chance to try to make this right.
Or my life will end, I will say good night.
It doesn't matter where life takes me now.
You've officially hurt me, hope you're happy, take a bow.
(Had a really rough day today. I'm living in a town so far away from home around people that I don't know and around a bunch of people that don't care. I'm getting more and more depressed by the day. This poem was written to my mother. I called her today to talk to her and instead of being a mother to me she treats me like one of her psychiatry patients. All I need is a relationship with her and instead I get someone who thinks that schooling makes her better than the world. I miss my mother and that's all I need is a MOM...... Sorry for being so depressing. I wrote this today)
06/24/09
WE'RE WALKING A JOURNEY TO DISCOVER WHO WE ARE
WE HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO AND YET WE'VE COME SO FAR
A CHILD, VICTIM, PRISONER, SLAVE
BEATEN, BROKEN, SCARRED, AND IN PAIN
LOVERS, FIGHTERS, MOTHERS, FRIENDS
CHRISTIANS, SISTERS, HEALING WOMEN
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH
WE'VE BEEN HURT AND SCARED
WE'VE CRIED AND LAUGHED, HIDDEN AND SHARED
APART WE WERE SILENT, NOW TOGETHER WE FEEL
SOCIETY DEFINES US BY THE MONEY WE EARN
AND SCHOLARS DEFINE US BY HOW MUCH WE LEARN
LOBBYISTS DEFINE US BY THE BOOKS WE BURN
AND MOST FRIENDS DEFINE US BY HOW MUCH WE SERVE
WE'RE NOT SOME STATISTICS JUST STUCK ON A PAGE
WE'RE NOT TO BE DEFINED BY THE MONEY WE NAME
WE'RE NO LONGER VICTIMS, PRISONERS, OR SLAVES
WE'RE NOT GOING TO ACCEPT THAT BEING ABUSED WAS OK
WE'RE FINDING WHO WE ARE, WE'RE REACHING INSIDE
WE'RE DISCOVERING TRUTH, WE HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE
WE'RE INDEPENDENT AND STRONG, YET HUMBLE AND MEEK
WE'RE BEAUTIFUL AND KIND, WE'RE HOPEFUL AND FREE
AS YOU LOOK AT ME AND I LOOK AT YOU
RIGHT IN FRONT OF US ALL, WE HAVE LIVING PROOF
THERE'S NOTHING THAT MONEY CAN BUY
ON FREEDOM, HOPES, AND DREAMS WE ALL FLY
BY FINDING WHO WE ARE, AND LEARNING HOW TO FEEL
TOGETHER WE HOPE, TOGETHER WE'LL HEAL
(this was written by me a few years back. For those of you that don't know what i've been through I was a rape/child molestation victim. I am a survivor of abuse of sexual, physical, and emotional. I know that what I went through isn't right but I am a strong independent woman and NOTHING anyone can do can hurt me. I will continue to heal and be who I am and NO ONE can change me)
Thank you for reading.
Ashley Nichole
aka
Sexichica88
I AM
UNSPEAKABLY LOUD
INSANELY NORMAL
CREATIVELY DULL
HORRIBLY GOOD
ARROGANTLY HUMBLE
HYSTERICALLY CALM
PERFECTLY IMPERFECT
SIMPLY COMPLEX
PRECISELY OFF-CENTER
FOOLISHLY REALISTIC
ANIMATEDLY REAL
PATIENTLY ANXIOUS
COWARDLY COURAGEOUS
AND
CHARACTERISTICALLY REMARKABLE
OR SO I'M TOLD
AND I'M COMPLETELY OK WITH IT!
NO MORE
(written by Ashley Nichole)
I once was controlled by a force
One bigger than anyone knew
I was once bound by chains
That I thought would never be loosed
At one point I felt guilty
For everything in my past
At one point I couldn't look at myself
For fear that force would come back
I always longed to be happy
And to live like a normal child
I always longed for a reason
And a hope of a life that was mine
Time has passed and I can see
That pain is long gone now
Those chains that had me locked away
No longer have me bound
No more will I feel guilty
For things that I have done
I now can look at myself proudly
And know that MY battle is won
I don't have to long for a life
That is happy or carefree
No more will I be controlled
By this force that was inside of me
I AM FREE
