My Marriage and My Husband
This blog was written on Friday, March 9, 2007.
When I got married I thought it would be forever. I never imagined that it would only last three months. I never thought my husband would hit me. I never thought that it would turn out that I married the wrong man. I love my husband. I'm just not in love with my husband. After a lot of tears, soul searching, and prayer I have figured out that he isn't the same man that I fell in love with.
We met July 1, 2005. He told me he loved me after only a week. We made love for the first time after ten days. December 23, 2005 he proposed to me. We set our wedding date for June 23, 2007. Pastor said we had to get married sooner because we were living in sin so we married November 18, 2006. He quit his job in June, 2006. He delivered pizzas a couple nights a week to make money for his truck payment, cell phone bill, and gas. He didn't pay any of the house bills. In the fall of 2006 he got severial temporary jobs that he quit after a couple days each because of this or that excuse. He started pushing and hitting me in January because I was on his case to get a good job and help with his half of the house bills. I called the police and had him arrested February 9, 2007. As a condition of his bail he isn't to have contact with me until the matter is settled or the judge says so. His court date is Wednesday, March 14, 2007.
Logically, I know that if he isn't wanting to get help for his hitting problem now that he probably never will. He was raised in a violent home. His mom and her boyfriend beat him. His mom's boyfriend beat her. I hope that he seeks help through counseling because I am afraid that he may hit his kids. He has struck his son once already. He slapped him on the face, when he was just twenty months old, leaving finger marks on his cheek. If he doesn't get counseling help for his anger and violence what is to say that he won't hit his kids again? What is to say that he won't hit another woman? I see the potential fo rhim to be a much better person than he is right now. He just needs to decide to make the necessary changes on his own. Nobody can tell him to do it. He has to choose to do it himself. I just hope and pray that he is machure enough to choose to get help for his problems before it's to late.
Our marriage may be ending, but I hope and pray that he becomes the man that God intended him to be. I am sorry to see any marriage end, especially mine. However, I don't think that a husband or father should ever raise a hand in anger. I am always measuring my life by how I want my unborn, unconcieved children to live. I don't want them to live with a dad who hits me and/or possibly them. Once again, I pray that my husband becomes the man that God intended him to be.
