I am going to start from the beginning (or close to it).....
I am the oldest of four kids....
*Dawn Marie (1979)
*Daryl David Jr. (1981)
*Richard Louis (1984)
*Mary Ann (1986)
My parents were relatively young when they started a family
*father Daryl David Sr. (1959)
*mother Luann Fern (1961)
We never had much, at the start my father worked to support his family on his own and my mother stayed home, which nowadays is old fashioned, until my mother got a job working at Hills Department Stores in 1989. I believe that was the year anyways.
My mother was into writing poetry, she loved when I was her audience, so it wasn't surprising when she called me into her room one day for a "session". What was surprising was what she said after reading me the poem she had just wrote. The poem was all starry eyed and about love. She said, and I quote her here...."Your Grandmother (referring to my dad's mother) thought this poem was about your Dad, but it is actually about this guy named Randy that I work with".
I was too young to know what this meant or the implications that were implied but I had a feeling something just wasn't right. This was in 1990. I was 10 turning 11 that summer.
Well in the late 80's and early 90's divorce seemed to spike and I recall myself saying that my parents would always be together. I mean I actually said this to my friends.
On Friday's my Dad would bowl on a league with my Uncles and some of their friends. This Friday in particular my mother called and said she would be late coming home from work. Well we waited for mom to get home and she didn't call or show up by the time my dad had to leave so he just took all 4 of us kids with him to the bowling alley. We had such a fun time playing in the arcade there too. It was very nice.
When we returned home mom wasn't there and there was a note on the refrigerator saying she "wanted her freedom". We noticed also that she had packed up some of her stuff too. Our mom had left us. This is when I started to feel guilty and told my father about the poem.
This is when I started to feel depressed.....
I was an honor roll student, the school even had me tested in 3rd grade, the results of this test were that I was a gifted student and they recommended my parents to allow me to be moved up a grade and or to be put in horizons (gifted class) but my parents refused they didn't want school to be hard for me I guess.
Well when my mother left my grades suffered and I became the "house mom". I did everything for my siblings. Cook, clean, do laundry, bathe them, I mean everything. My dad worked from 3 pm to 3 am six days a week so it was very hard on us all and I think especially me.
I had no childhood, no time for friends, nothing just work and responsibility. Then I started to skip school and get into trouble, I even hosted rowdy parties at my house, which got me into a lot of trouble. I ended up skipping school, getting kicked out of school and put in juvenile detention and on probation as well.
(back in time a bit to the 6th grade for a minute)
There was a new student to join our class after the first quarter. Everyone teased her very badly. I talked to her although I faced reprisal from my classmates and we became best friends, staying the night at each others houses every weekend. We were always together. One day it occurred to us that we should try to get her mom and my dad together, and it worked! They dated for awhile and then they moved in with us. Our family then became even more complicated....
*stepmother Rebecca Lynn (1958)
*stepbrother Robert William (1978)
*stepsister/best friend Stephanie Ann (1979)
*stepsister Kristin Marie (1989)
Becky and I got along great until a showdown about something stupid and after that we fought a lot. This new dynamic caused a lot of craziness for the next 10 years. We have come a long way since then....lol.
I was still skipping school, running away and getting locked up until I became pregnant with my oldest daughter and met Matt in 1997. Matt basically adopted Violet (my oldest) as his own child since he was around her when she was only 3 months old.
We got married 11-11-2000 after being together for 3 years. And I got pregnant with Chloe (my youngest) in October 2002. We fought a lot but I was in my marriage for life, loyal.
Violet age 9 Chloe age 3
Christmas 2006
In the summer of 2005 my sister Mary came to me crying saying she had no where else to go and wanted to get her kids back and straighten out her life. So, like the loving person I am, I told her I would help her, even though I could hardly afford to support my family as is because my husband didn't want to work.
One day in October of 2005 Matt and I were in another of our arguments and it got out that the two of them (Matt and Mary) were "talking"....all I remember for sure was him saying, "All we have to do is look into each others eyes" I was in shock and I went and told her she has to leave right now. Then he said, "If anyone is leaving it is gonna be you" and also "If you make her leave I am going with her". So of course my response was shock and I said "BYE!" And I confronted her about it and she confirmed them "talking". I wanted to kill them both for this was the ULTIMATE betrayal.
I am not sure how I didn't end up in jail that night but I somehow managed it. After that happened I just didn't think I was worth much for the longest time, and my depression deepened. I could barely take care of myself and thought I was no better than my sister, who is a horrible person....real talk....maybe I will write about her some day to fill in the blanks....but for now let's just say she is a bad mother and person.
This depression was so bad I lacked the motivation to do the most simplest things like look for a job and maintain my personal appearance. Some people have suggested medication, but I don't want to be on meds. If I have to suffer with this for the rest of my life so be it, I haven't killed myself and wouldn't and all the rest I can manage somehow.
This is the most open I have been in my blogs about myself, and I hope it doesn't make anyone think differently of me. I am still that gurl ya know....
Please, all comments are welcomed here as always.
I might write more about me sometime....believe me, my life could be a soap opera in and of itself....mainly it depends on the responses I get on this blog if I will write more or not.....
